September 13, 2018


Volume 18, Issue 7


C-Loans Client Newsletter

You are receiving this letter because you are a commercial mortgage broker client of either Blackburne & Sons or C-Loans, Inc. Removal instructions are below. Today we'll discuss how China is getting financially slapped around. We have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and an awesome video of some big, 'ole alligators.


Joke Du Jour

An old man is met by his attorney and is told he is going to be audited. He rides to the IRS office with his attorney, and when he gets there, he begins to talk with the IRS agent. "I bet $200 that I can bite my own eye!" The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an impossible task. The old man laughs, pulls out his glass eye and bites it. The IRS agent is dumb-founded. The old man bets $300 he can bite his other eye. The IRS agent knows there's no way possible to do this, so he once more agrees. The old man cackles, pulls out his dentures, and bites his other eye. Then the old man finally wagers, "I bet you $2,000 that I can stand on the far side of your desk, pee over the desk, and get every single drop into your wastebasket." The agent knows he won't be able to, so once more he agrees. The old man indeed misses, peeing all over the desk and on the paperwork. The IRS agent jumps for joy, but then he notices that the attorney over in the corner is moaning. "Are you all right?" asks the agent. “No!” the attorney groans, "On the way over here, he bet me $4,000 he could pee on your desk, and you'd be happy about it!"


How C-Loans Actually Works

C-Loans Intro

Cute Elephant Jokes

Q:  Do you know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees?

A:  Because they’re really good at it.

Q:  How does the elephant get out of the tree?

A:  He climbs out onto a leaf and waits until Fall.


Place Your Loan With C-Loans is a commercial mortgage portal where you can enter a commercial loan in just four minutes and then submit it to hundreds of different commercial lenders with one click.  Please pay particular attention to the word, is not just a list of lenders.  You can actually submit your four-minute application to thirty or forty different lenders, until you find that one bank that is hungry to make a commercial loan right now!  And is free!

And after submitting a commercial loan to six of our banks, be sure to contact Tom Blackburne at 574-210-6686 and get your two free training courses.  For more details, see the section below entitled, "Underwriting Manual, Marketing Course, Fee Agreement, List of 750+ Lenders - Choose TWO"


Wino Joke

I saw a wino eating grapes. I told him, "No, you gotta wait."


Got a Slightly Flawed Commercial Loan? Submit It To Blackburne & Sons

Blackburne & Sons continues to seek first mortgages between $100,000 to $3.5 million on standing commercial properties nationwide. We have tons of money right now, so we can do some of the larger loans that in the past were too large for us. One unusual loan product that we offer is our blanket loan against a portfolio of rental homes. We will also hypothecate notes and buy commercial loans at a discount. We also make non-owner-occupied, business purpose, residential loans in many states.

Please be sure to bookmark our commercial mortgage rate sheet right now. To apply for a private money commercial loan from Blackburne & Sons, please find your favorite loan officer below:

George Blackburne, IV

(916) 338-3232

Ext. 314

NMLS #382122

CA DRE #01873244

Alicia Gandy

(916) 338-3232

Ext. 310

NMLS #389678

CA DRE #01430908

Michael Young

(916) 338-3232

Ext. 312

NMLS #1535540

CA DRE #02012847

Tom Blackburne

(916) 338-3232

Ext. 310

NMLS #1014118

CA DRE #01919403


Did You Sea That The First Text Was a Whale? I Confess That I Missed It At First.


Underwriting Manual, Marketing Course, Fee Agreement, List of 750+ Lenders - Choose TWO

If you register on and submit a real-life deal to six of our commercial lenders, we will give you a choice of TWO of the following:

Don’t get confused. If you once filled out a little form to get a free list of 200 commercial lenders or a free commercial loan placement kit, then you have NOT registered on C-Loans. Submitting a commercial loan using C-Loans is a six-step process (but it still only takes about four minutes). Click here to register on and to submit your commercial loan. Once you have submitted your commercial loan to six of our lenders, please email Tom Blackburne and indicate which of the two free gifts that you want.


EpiPen Joke

I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.


We're Now Making Business Purpose Rental Home Loans in All But Eight States

These loans are sometimes known as buy-to-rent loans. For the past 37 years, Blackburne & Sons has exclusively been a commercial lender. This has now changed. We are aggressively seeking non-owner occupied home loans in California and most other states.

The property has to be non-owner occupied, and the purpose of the loan must be for business. The nice thing about business purpose home loans from Blackburne & Sons is that our loans have a 15-year term and no prepayment penalty.

Got a commercial deal nationwide or a business purpose, non-owner-occupied residential deal in one of the above four states? Please call your loan officer:

Alicia Gandy: (916) 338-3232 // NMLS #389678

To apply to Alicia online, please click here.

George Blackburne, IV: (916) 338-3232 // NMLS #382122

To apply to George online, please click here.

Tom Blackburne: (574) 210-6686 // NMLS #1014118

To apply to Tom online, please click here.

Michael Young : (916) 338-3232 // NMLS #1535540

To apply to Michael online, please click here.

Loans made under the California Finance Lenders Law.


Darn You, Auto-Correct!


Commercial Mortgage Dot Com is a Free Commercial Lender Search Engine

We own a second commercial mortgage portal, (“CMDC”). We paid $100,000 just for that wonderful domain name. CMDC contains almost 4,000 commer-cial lenders, in addition to, and different from, the 750 commercial lenders on If you can’t find the right lender on C-Loans, be sure to try


Golf Joke

Golfer: "Why do you keep looking at your watch?"

Caddy: "This isn't a watch, sir. It's a compass."


Learn Commercial Real Estate Finance - 9hr Video Training

It would be a lot easier to close your commercial deals if you actually knew the subject matter. Are you finally ready to learn the financial ratios and the advanced terminology of commercial real estate finance? Just $549.


Bad Day Joke

There was this guy sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry.”

"No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears, "This day has been the worst day of my life. First, I overslept, and I got in late to the office. My outraged boss fired me. When I left the building to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that there is nothing they can do. I got a cab to go home, and when I got out, I remembered that I left my wallet. The cab driver just drove away. I then went inside my house, where I found my wife in bed with the gardener. I left my home, walked to this bar, and just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you showed up and drank my poison.”


Become a Hard Money Lender

It’s the servicing income, silly! We make more than $85,000 per month, whether we close a loan or so. Just hire a sub-servicing company to service your deals. Four-hour video course, How To Find Your Own Private Mortgage Investors. Just $549.


Moral of the Story Joke

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:

Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

"Johnny, do you have a story to share?" 

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, 'til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the (heck) away from Aunt Judy when she's been drinking.”


Get Both Courses For Just $849

Save $249


Double-Darn You, Auto-Correct!




The press has been giving substantial coverage recently to the suffering of American farmers and American manufacturing companies because of the trade war. You should know, however, that the suffering has been far from one-sided. Financially, China is getting seriously slapped around. With the U.S. economy continuing to expand, one could even make an argument that the U.S. is “winning”. "Hey, let’s both slit our wrists and see who bleeds to death sooner.” Ha-ha!

On September 4th, Bloomberg had an excellent article on the subject:

"Donald Trump’s trade war couldn’t have been more poorly timed for the world’s second-largest economy. China’s current account surplus has plunged to near zero and is threatening to tip into a deficit. The yuan’s real effective exchange rate against a basket of trading partners is hovering near a record high, signaling the currency may have room to depreciate.”

I had forgotten the definition of a current account, so I looked it up in Investopedia: "The current account measures imports and exports of goods and services; payments to foreign holders of a country's investments and payments received from investments abroad; and transfers such as foreign aid and remittances.” In other words, China is no longer exporting immensely more stuff to the rest of the world than it is importing.

It true that their trade deficit with the U.S. soared to over $31 billion this past month, but a big reason for this is because China is rushing to ship to the U.S. lots of stuff before Trump’s 25% import duty on $267 billion worth of Chinese goods. The Chinese obviously will slap U.S. imports with an equally painful tariff, but here’s the thing: Because China exports far more to the U.S. than the U.S. exports to China, the Chinese will eventually run out of goods upon which they can levy a tariff. 

Back in March of 2018, Trump sent out his famous tweet on trade wars: "When a country (USA) is losing many billions of dollars on trade with virtually every country it does business with, trade wars are good, and easy to win. Example, when we are down $100 billion with a certain country and they get cute, don’t trade anymore - we win big. It’s easy!” Of course his tweet is a gross over-simplification and ignores the severe damage that inflation will cause, but its hard to argue with the numbers. The Chinese will eventually run out of American exports upon which they can levy a tariff.

But let’s get back to the September 4th Bloomberg article: "The twin pressures pose a challenge to China’s efforts to keep yuan volatility to a minimum and may also undermine a core economic objective: Gaining an enhanced role for the yuan as a means of international payments. The currency’s share in global transactions has fallen to just 1.8 percent from 2.8 percent three years ago. Shanghai stocks have underperformed emerging-market peers in 10 of the past 12 quarters and trade near the lowest valuations in four years.”

Translation: While the U.S. stock market continues to climb, the Chinese stock market is getting slapped around. To make matters worse, investors are moving out the yuan. Who wants to buy Chinese companies during a trade war with the U.S.? Yes, its true that the Chinese have $3 trillion in foreign reserves, but they had $4 trillion in reserves just four year ago. Ten years ago China spend around $1.3 trillion in a single year propping up the yuan.

And to make matter even worse, China has already committed $1 trillion to its Belt and Road Initiative, an ambitious plan to rebuild the old Silk Road both on land and by sea, giving them trade access to 60% of the people on Earth. If the yuan continues to decline, a “mere” $3 trillion in foreign reserves will not last forever.


Have You Been Screwed Out of a Big Loan Fee Yet?

Whenever someone boasts of being a good horseman, I always ask him, “Have you ever been thrown?” The correct answer is “many, many times”. There is an old saying, “If you ain’t been thrown, you ain't ridden very much.” The same is unfortunately true of commercial mortgage brokerage. You will screwed out of a loan fee of $10,000 or more at least twice per year for your entire career. Now I am NOT talking about the borrower closing the loan and not paying you. That rarely happens. What these dastardly borrowers do is lie to you or cancel on you. You would be a flipping idiot not to pay a lousy $199 for my ninety-minute video training course, Fee Collection For Commercial Mortgage Brokers. It includes my famous fee agreement. Go ahead and ignore this section. You will cry, I absolutely guarantee you.


Hubble Space Telescope Joke

The New York Times recently published a new Hubble Space Telescope photograph of distant galaxies colliding. Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble Space Telescope, you can actually see the lawyers rushing to the scene.


How To Generate Commercial Leads Like Turning On a Spigot

I have been marketing for commercial loans for almost 40 years. I have wasted well over $175,000 on marketing campaigns that were complete busts. Direct mail. Postcards. Classified ads. Magazine ads. Google ads. Complete busts. Here is what works.


Video - Some Big, 'Ole Gators

Holy cow, they climbed right over a fence!


Final Funny

There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "You might want to write it down," she said. The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream." She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. "Write it down," she told him, and again he said, "No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream." Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. "Write it down," she told her husband and again he said, "No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top." So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, "Where's the toast?"

NMLS #167100

CA DRE #1330173


4811 Chippendale Drive, Suite 101

Sacramento, CA 95841

P: (916) 338-3232

F: (916) 338-2328


NMLS #103430

CA DRE #829677