Volume 18, Issue 6 // Newsletter Date: July 23, 2018

C-Loans Banker Letter

This letter is intended only for commercial real estate loan officers working for banks and hard money lenders. Today we'll talk about why, on average nationwide, office building investors allow their buildings to remain 16.7% vacant.  We also have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and an awesome video of a mini-twister hitting a Little League baseball game. You’ve GOT to stay to see this video!

Hey guys, if we make you chuckle today, won't you please-please-please refer a turndown this week to CommercialMortgage.com?


Joke Du Jour

A therapist has a theory that the more often couples make love, the happier they are. So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, "How many people here make love 2 to 3 times a week?" Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. "How about once a week?" A third of the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant. "Once a month?" A few hands tepidly go up. Then he asks, "OK, how about once a year?"

One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. The therapist is shocked as this lone aberration disproves his theory. "If you make love only once a year," he asks the wildly grinning man, "what are you so happy about?” The man yells back, grinning like a wild man, “Tonight’s the night!”


Join C-Loans and Close Five More Loans Every Year, Decade After Decade

As a lender on C-Loans.com, you will receive carefully screened commercial loan applications directly to your email box. Each loan will be the right size, the right type (permanent, construction, bridge, etc.), on the right type of property, and in your exact lending area. And there will be a pretty good volume of them.

With one click you will see an Executive Loan Summary, with the debt service coverage ratio and loan-to-cost ratio already completed for you. Many Executive Summaries contain property pictures as well.

If you see a deal that you like, simply pick up the phone and call the borrower or broker directly, with no one else in your way. 

Does it work? C-Loans lenders have closed more than 1,000 commercial real estate loans totaling over one billion dollars.  One of our lenders (Trevor Cole Commercial) just closed its 50th loan for C-Loans. Two other have closed 40+ loans for C-Loans.

How much does it cost for your bank to be listed on C-Loans.com? You can pay a monthly fee to be listed on C-Loans.com (see further below), but nobody does that. All 750 of our banks choose to simply bump their normal loan fee up from 1 point to 1.375 points. When the loan closes, we send you an invoice for our software licensing fee. Click here for more details.


Are Humans a Bunch of Sicko's?



Why Office Space is 16.7% Vacant

On a national basis, 16.7% of all office space in the United States is vacant. Why are office building investors such lousy capitalists? Capitalism says that they should lower their rent in order to attract enough tenants to fill their buildings. It makes good sense to lower their rent from $25 per square foot to $22 per square foot if they can fill the whopping 16.7% vacancy.

Let's assume that an office building has 100,000 net leasable square feet. If 83.3% of the space is leased at $25 per square foot, the office building generates $2,082,500 in gross rent. If all 100,000 sf was leased at $22 per square foot, the office building would generate $2,200,000 in gross rent. The owner picks up extra $117,500 by lowering his rent!

So why aren't office building owners better capitalists? For one reason, the higher the occupancy rate, the higher the operating expenses, such as common area heating, cooling, electricity, and wear and tear on the common areas.

There is another reason why office building owners don't lower their asking rents in order to fill their building. Suppose you own a software company in the building, and you sign a lease at $25 per square foot. Then the owner starts advertising identical space for just $22 per square foot. Are you going to be a happy camper? Is your higher rental rate going to eat at you like an ulcer? And what is going to happen when your lease comes up for renewal?

But the most important reason why office building owners won't reduce their rents enough is that the lower asking rents will lower the value of their office buildings. Really?  Continued here.


Tarot Cards Joke

A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news: "There is no easy way to say this so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent death this year."

Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the Tarot reader's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I get away with it?”


They Found a Woman's Arm in a Florida Alligator Last Month


Won't You Please-Please-Please Refer Us Your Commercial Mortgage Turndowns?

If you have to turn down a commercial loan this week, you would really be helping your customer if you referred him to CommercialMortgage.com. (We paid $100,000 for the domain name, CommercialMortgage.com.) There are over 3,000 commercial lenders listed on this commercial lender search engine.


Gnats Joke

Heading down the interstate, our car passed through a huge swarm of gnats so dense that their bodies made popping noises as they hit the windshield. "I can't get over how loud they are," my wife said. "Well, we are hitting them at 65 miles an hour," I pointed out. Her reply left me speechless. "There's no way bugs can fly that fast!”


Ever Wonder What a C-Loans Application Looks Like?

Here's a sample commercial loan application.


Camping Tips Joke

Q. What equipment will I need to go camping?

A. You need a tent. Tent sizes are measured in units of men, as in "a three-man tent"; this tells you how many men are required to erect the tent if they are all professional tent engineers. Even then, the tent will collapse under unusual weather conditions, such as nightfall. You will also need a hatchet, for the spiders, and a credit card, for the motel.

Q. How much food should I take?

A. A lot. You'll be providing food not only for your family, but also for the entire raccoon community. When I was a boy in rural Armonk, our garbage cans were regularly terrorized by a gang of brilliant criminal raccoons. I recall being awakened at 3 a.m. by loud noises and looking out the window to see, by moonlight, my father, a peace-loving Presbyterian minister, charging around in the bushes, wildly swinging a baseball bat and saying non-Presbyterian words.

Of course, he did not get the raccoons; you NEVER get the raccoons.


Oh, Nooooo!


Would You Please Refer Your Commercial Loan Turndowns to CommercialMortgage.com?

I apologize for the repeated begging, but C-Loans, Inc. is a tiny company - just an attorney dad, a couple of Eagle Scout sons, and nine hard-working co-workers. 

We do have a couple of claims to fame. (1) We are just about the oldest surving hard money lender in the country - since 1980; and (2) C-Loans.com has closed over 1,000 commercial real estate loans. That's a lot of loans for a company that never got venture capital.

Because we are so small, your commercial loan referral means something to us. It will also greatly help your client because he will be able to search a database of over 3,000 commercial lenders.

Commercial Mortgage Dot Com - an easy domain name to remember. Thank you!


Ice Cream Joke 

"New York's State Assembly is considering a new bill that would legalize alcoholic ice cream. 'That's great news,' said a five-year-old having a rough day. Just a little something to take the edge off, Ma.'” — Seth Meyers


Bankers: Get 200 Free SBA Loan Applications

Does your bank want to close more SBA loans? C-Loans.com will give you two hundred SBA loan leads for free, deals that are perfect for your bank. These loans will be the right size. They will be located only in your favorite counties of your favorite states, and these SBA loans leads will be secured by just the type of commercial real estate that you prefer - office buildings, industrial buildings, etc.

Please click here for more information about how to receive 200 free SBA loan applications. The above offer is made only to commercial banks and credit unions.


The U.S. Needs Children. This Mother Should Be Canonized.


Is Your Boss Having Trouble With the Idea of a Software Company That Only Gets Paid When Deals Close?

C-Loans, Inc. is a software company. It cost us $2 million and 18 years to develop the software for C-Loans.com. We have all of the required licenses to be a commercial mortgage broker, but we're just not in that business. We license software. Period. We never even speak with these borrowers.

If your bank wants to license our software on a flat fee basis, just as it does with their accounting software, their customer relationship manager (CRM) software, and their SBA loan origination software, this option is available.

For banks with less than $2 billion in assets, the cost is just $250 per month. For banks with more than $2 billion in assets and less than $7 billion in assets, the cost is just $350 per month. For banks with more than $7 billion in assets and less than $15 billion in assets, the cost is just $500 per month. For banks with more than $15 billion in assets, the cost is just $1,000 per month. In all of these cases, the bank owes nothing more, even if it closes a loan.


Harmonica Joke

"Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," little Joshua said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best present I ever got.” "That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it?"

"Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night.”


I Hope Her TSA Agent Has a Sense of Humor


Join CommercialMortgage.com For Free

Want to close a few more commercial loans? Your bank can now be listed on CommercialMortgage.com ("CMDC") for free.

"George, if CMDC is free to both banks and borrowers, how do you make any dough?"

Our hard money commercial mortgage company, Blackburne & Sons(est.1980), works the subprime leads generated by the site. Basically your bank is our loss leader. Your low-rate loan programs are our dirt-cheap toilet paper that brings shoppers into the store. Ha-ha! If you close a loan, we make nothing.

Click here to list your bank on CMDC and receive totally FREE commercial real estate loan leads.


Flirting Joke

(This young woman tells the story.) During a conference, I was pleasantly surprised to be seated next to a very handsome man. We flirted casually through dinner, then grew restless as the dignitaries gave speeches. During one particularly long-winded lecture, my new friend drew a # sign on a cocktail napkin. Excited, I wrote down my phone number. Looking startled for a moment, he flipped the napkin over and drew another # sign, this time adding an X to the upper-left-hand corner.


Would You Mind a $21,250 Referral Fee?

We once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a website owner named Alan Dunn of Spydercube.com for referring us a $17 million deal.

We've made it super-easy to refer us commercial loans and to receive big referral fees. Please click here for details.


Final Funny

Little Johnny's father asked him what he wanted for his birthday. "A baby brother," he said. Later that year, his mother came home from the hospital with a baby boy. Little Johnny was delighted. "And what would you like this year for your birthday?" his father asked. He said, "If it isn't too uncomfortable for mommy, I'd like a pony."


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A member of the Blackburne Family of Companies

4811 Chippendale Drive, Suite 101

Sacramento, CA 95841

P: (574) 210-6686 // F: (916) 338-2328

CA DRE #1330173 // NMLS #167100

Tom Blackburne

General Manager

Have questions? Email me.