MORTGAGE
STUFF (C-Loans.com Client Letter) Joke
Du Jour
A
tourist walks into a curio shop in Hong Kong . Looking
around at the exotica, he notices a small bronze statue
of a rat. It has no price tag, but it is so striking
he decides he must have it. He takes it to the owner
and asks, "How much for
the bronze rat statute?"
"Twelve
dollars for the rat ... a hundred dollars for the story,"
says the inscrutable Chinese shop owner.
The
tourist gives the man twelve dollars, stating, "I'll just
take the rat ... you can keep the story."
As
he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, the man
notices that a few real rats have crawled out of alleys
and sewers and have begun swirling around his feet.
One even tries to gnaw on his ankle. This is a bit
disconcerting, so he begins to walk away faster, but the
rats follow him.
Within
a couple blocks, the group of rats behind him has grown
to more than a hundred, and they begin squealing.
He starts to trot toward Kowloon Bay. He takes a nervous
look over his shoulder and sees that the rats now number
in the thousands, maybe millions. They are all squealing
and racing towards him faster and faster.
Terrified,
he runs towards a wharf on the edge of the Bay. Seeing
a lamp post overhanging the Bay, he leaps high into the
air, wraps one arm around the lamp post, and throws the
bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he can. To
his relief, the millions of rats go teeming over the edge
of the wharf like so many lemmings. They quickly drown
and rise to the top in a huge carpet of decaying rat flesh.
The man
staggers back to the curio shop. "Ahh...," says the
Chinese shop owner, "I'll bet you have come back for the
story?"
"No,"
said the man, "But do you have a little bronze statute of
an attorney."
When
to Use a Mezzanine Loan
Think
of a mezzanine loan as a huge second mortgage that you can
use behind an even more immense first mortgage on a commercial
project (not homes!).
The
typical mezzanine lender will not consider mezz loans below
$5 million, although a handfull of mezz lenders will look
at mezz deals as small as $3 million. And this is
just the size of the junior loan! The first mortgage
or construction loan should be in the neighborhood of $8
million or larger.
Remember,
unless there is a first mortgage or a construction loan
in the neighborhood of $8 million or higher, a mezzanine
loan will not solve your problem. But if you have
a bonafide mezzanine loan request, you will love MezzanineLoans.com.
Dead
Turkey Joke
A
lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery
store, but couldn't find
one big enough for her family. She asked a butcher,
"Do these turkeys get
any bigger?" The butcher replied, "No, ma'am, they're
dead."
Hard
Money Loans Only 1.5 Points
Blackburne
& Brown, the parent of C-Loans is making hard money
commercial loans for only 1.5 points. These are 15
year loans with no prepayment penalty. We will fund
almost kind of commercial property, including weird stuff
like funeral homes, old folks homes, and nudie bars.
Email Mike Thurman
or call him at 916-338-3232.
Defective
Glasses Joke
A
woman walks in a store
to return a pair of eye glasses that she had purchased for
her husband a week before. "What
seems to be the problem, madam?" "I'm
returning these glasses I bought for my husband. He's
still not seeing things my way."
Apply
to 750 Commercial Lenders Using C-Loans
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Final
Funny
A
man went to a therapist about an obsession that was ruining
his life. "It's baseball, Doc. Baseball
is destroying me. I can't even get away from it in
my sleep. As soon as I close my eyes, I'm out there chasing
a fly ball or running around the bases. When I wake
up, I'm more tired than I was when I went to bed.
What am I going to do?"
The
therapist told him, "First of all, you have to make a
conscious effort not to dream about baseball. For
example
, when you close your eyes, try to imagine yourself at a
party at which someone is about to give you several million
dollars."
The
patient replied, "Are you crazy, Doc? I'll miss my
turn at bat."
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