Ever Wonder What a C-Loans Application Looks Like?
Here's a sample commercial loan application.
Save the Economy Joke
An old friend sent me this:
To help save the economy, the government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. Older people are easier to catch, and they don't remember how to get back home. I started to cry when I thought of you. Then it dawned on me. Oh, crap! I'll see you on the bus.
Download Your Free Guide, "How To Find Houses To Flip"
Download your free guide here.
Oprah Joke
"The stars gathered in Los Angeles for the Golden Globes. Oprah Winfrey delivered a speech so powerful that all day long, people have been asking if Oprah will run for president - which at this point, wouldn't president be a demotion for Oprah?" -- Jimmy Kimmel
Won't You Please-Please-Please Refer Us Your Commercial Mortgage Turndowns?
If you have to turn down a commercial loan this week, you would really be helping your customer if you referred him to CommercialMortgage.com. There are over 3,000 commercial lenders listed on this commercial lender search engine.
Commercial Mortgage Dot Com - that should be an easy domain name to remember.
Pronunciation Joke
A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter "R" and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: "Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare." In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud. The boy nervously eyed his classmates - many of them already laughing at him - then replied, "Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough."
Put Down the Toilet Paper Roll and Step Away From the Bathroom
Football Joke
"The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public." -- Phyllis Diller
Join C-Loans.com and Close Five More Loans Every Year, Decade After Decade
As a lender on C-Loans.com, you will receive carefully screened commercial loan applications directly to your email box. Each loan will be the right size, the right type (permanent, construction, bridge, etc.), on the right type of property, and in your exact lending area. And there will be a pretty good volume of them.
With one click you will see an Executive Loan Summary, with the debt service coverage ratio and loan-to-cost ratio already completed for you. Many Executive Summaries contain property pictures as well.
If you see a deal that you like, simply pick up the phone and call the borrower or broker directly, with no one else in your way.
Does it work? C-Loans lenders have closed more than 1,000 commercial real estate loans totaling over one billion dollars. One of our lenders (Trevor Cole Commercial) just closed its 50th loan for C-Loans. Two others have closed 40+ loans for C-Loans.
How much does it cost for your bank to be listed on C-Loans.com? You can pay a monthly fee to be listed on C-Loans.com (see further below), but nobody does that. All 750 of our banks choose to simply bump their normal loan fee up from 1 point to 1.375 points. When the loan closes, we send you an invoice for our software licensing fee. Click here for more details.
Sausages Joke
Patient: "Doctor, my wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages."
Psychiatrist: "Nonsense! I like sausages too."
Patient: "Good, you should come and see my collection. I've got hundreds of them."
I Never Had Relations With That Female
Would You Please Refer Your Commercial Loan Turndowns to CommercialMortgage.com?
I apologize for the repeated begging, but C-Loans, Inc. is a tiny company - just an attorney dad, a couple of Eagle Scout sons, and nine hard-working co-workers.
We do have a couple of claims to fame. (1) We are just about the oldest surving hard money lender in the country - since 1980; and (2) C-Loans.com has closed over 1,000 commercial real estate loans. That's a lot of loans for a company that never got venture capital.
Because we are so small, your commercial loan referral means something to us. It will also greatly help your client because he will be able to search a database of over 3,000 commercial lenders.
Commercial Mortgage Dot Com - an easy domain name to remember. Thank you!
Uber Joke
"A man in London just took Uber's one-billionth ride, and to celebrate, Uber gave him a year's worth of free rides. The man says he's excited to spend the entire year drunk." -- Jimmy Fallon
Join CommercialMortgage.com For Free
Want to close a few more commercial loans? Your bank can now be listed on CommercialMortgage.com ("CMDC") for free.
"George,
if CMDC is free to both banks and borrowers, how do you make any
dough?"
Our hard money commercial mortgage company, Blackburne & Sons (est. 1980), works the subprime leads generated by the site. Basically your bank is our loss leader. Your low-rate loan programs are our dirt-cheap toilet paper that brings shoppers into the store. Ha-ha! If you close a loan, we make nothing.
Click here to list your bank on CMDC and receive totally FREE commercial real estate loan leads.
iPhone Joke
"A tech blogger in California used a weather balloon to drop an iPhone from the edge of space, at 100,000 feet in the air, to see what would happen - and still, somehow, the phone landed in the guy’s toilet." -- Jimmy Fallon
Bankers: Get 200 Free SBA Loan Applications
Does your bank want to close more SBA loans? C-Loans.com will give you two hundred SBA loan leads for free,
deals that are perfect for your bank. These loans will be the right
size. They will be located only in your favorite counties of your
favorite states, and these SBA loan leads will be secured by just the
type of commercial real estate that you prefer - office buildings,
industrial buildings, etc.
Please click here for more information about how to receive 200 free SBA loan applications. The above offer is made only to commercial banks and credit unions.
Fishing Joke
I went fishing this morning. After a short time, I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp. I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog. A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that same snake, with two frogs in his mouth. Life is good in the South.
When a Recession Hits, the First Thing That Banks Do Is To Lay Off Their Commercial Loan Officers
During the 37 years since I first founded my commercial mortgage company, I have seen more than 3,000 S&L's, banks, Wall Street subprime commercial lenders (think Lehman Brothers), hard money commercial lenders, and other commercial lenders go bankrupt.
And during recessions, fuhgetaboutit. Even if the bank doesn't fail, bank commercial loan officers get laid off in droves. It's like the St. Valentine's Day Massacre. Bang-bang-bang. Your job at the bank may not be as secure as you think.
However, if you close five commercial loans for C-Loans while you're still working at the bank, we will list your brand new, one-man, commercial mortgage company as if it was a lender on C-Loans. More precisely, we list you on C-Loans as a Proven Broker - an old pro who has proven himself.
Now the question is: Are you 100% convinced that your bank will keep paying your $100,000 per year salary when your bank has a zero appetite for making new commercial loans?
Moral of the story: Join C-Loans and work hard to close five deals while you are still working for the bank.
Oldie But Still Funny
"Every day, we get another revelation about Clinton from WikiLeaks. Anymore, and we’re going to need WikiDepends." -- Stephen Colbert
Join C-Loans For a Flat Fee
Is your boss having trouble with the idea of a software company that only gets paid when deals close? If so, just license our software on a flat fee basis.
For
banks with less than $2 billion in assets, the cost is just $250 per
month.
For
banks with more than $2 billion in assets and less than $7 billion in
assets, the cost is just $350 per month.
For
banks with more than $7 billion in assets and less than $15 billion in
assets, the cost is just $500 per month.
For
banks with more than $15 billion in assets, the cost is just $1,000 per
month.
Important note: In all of these cases, the bank owes nothing more, even if it closes a loan. To join C-Loans using our flat-fee program, please email Tom Blackburne, General Manager, or call him at 574-210-6686.
Bad Day Joke
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building for my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar."
"And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
Oh, Won't You Please-Please-Please Refer Your Turndowns to CommercialMortgage.com?
If you have to turn down a bank customer's request for a commercial real estate loan this week,
it will help him immensely if you would please suggest a place for him to look elsewhere. With over 3,000 listed commercial real estate lenders, CommercialMortgage.com is the place to send him. If none of our 3,000+ commercial lenders will finance his deal, then his request simply isn't do-able.
Bee Joke
Q: What do you call a bee born in between April 30th and June 1st?
A: A maybe.
Bad Dog, Bad Doooo... Ahhh, Give Daddy a Kiss
Would You Mind a $21,250 Referral Fee?
We
once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a website owner named Alan Dunn of
Spydercube.com for referring us a $17 million deal.
We've made it super-easy to refer us commercial loans and to receive big referral fees. Please click here for details.
Video - Hilarious Job Interview
This was very clever, and the acting was great.
Final Funny
Some neighbors of ours had a terrible disagreement over a patio they wanted for their backyard. The wife had rather grand ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum. The wife won out, and the construction bill climbed higher and higher.
I dropped by one day, when the patio was near completion, and was surprised to find the husband smiling from ear to ear as the workmen smoothed over the surface. I remarked how nice it was to see a grin replace the frown he had been wearing lately. "You see where they're smoothing that cement?" he replied. "I just threw my wife's credit cards in there."
One Final Pathetic Plea
If you won't let us pay you a referral fee, won't you please-please refer your commercial mortgage turndowns to CommercialMortgage.com? Thanks!
