C-LOANS BANKER LETTER
This letter is intended only for commercial mortgage loan officers working for banks and hard money lenders. Today we're going to talk about how commercial real estate loans from banks are pretty much the same across the country.
And, of course, because this is C-Loans (the jokesters), we have lots
of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and a sweet video of a little fox cub being rescued.
Hey guys, if we make you chuckle today, won't you please-please-please refer a turndown this week to CommercialMortgage.com?
Joke Du Jour
A man goes to see his Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening, and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me. What should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me go over and talk to her. I'll see what I can find out, and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I went over to your house, and I spoke with your wife for three hours. You want my advice?" The man said, "Yes." The Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."
This is How Millennials View Having Children
Commercial Real Estate Loans From Banks Are All Very Similar
I recently wrote a blog article about commercial banks in which I described them as moving as a group. Instead of charging whatever the market will bear, banks tend to charge pretty much the same interest rate and offer almost identical terms on commercial real estate loans.
I then told mortgage brokers that if the client, who owns a commercial property in New York, asks you - a California mortgage broker - what the rates and terms will be, just quote him whatever a California bank would quote him. He will usually be spot on.
Join CommercialMortgage.com For Free
Want to close a few commercial loans? Your bank can now be listed on CommercialMortgage.com ("CMDC") for free.
Guys, this really is totally free with absolutely no strings attached. Geesch, banks can be soooo freaky deaky. Hellooooo? Your bank's listing on CMDC is free!
if CMDC is free to both banks and borrowers, how do you make any
Our hard money commercial mortgage company, Blackburne & Sons (est. 1980), works the subprime leads generated by the site. Basically your bank is our loss leader. Your loan programs are our dirt-cheap toilet paper that brings shoppers to the store. If you close a loan, we make nothing.
By the way, did any of you catch the fact that in order to have survived since 1980, we had to survive three commercial real estate crashes of 45%?
Before you feel sorry for us for giving away free advertising to banks, please consider the fact that we currently enjoy $84,000 per month in loan servicing income from just the 200 hard money commerial loans that we service, whether we close a new commercial loan this month or not. So don't feel sorry for us. Take advantage of these free commercial loan leads!
Click here to list your bank on CMDC and receive totally FREE commercial real estate loan leads.
Child Name Joke
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Ha-ha! My sweet wife and I finally had a daughter, after 11 in vitro fertilization attempts ($175,000). Today, in college soccer, Jordi hurdled over the goalie (think OJ Simpson in those old Hertz commercials) to score the only goal for Earlham in the game. $175,000? Worth it! (Although I am currently scheduled to retire at age 102.)
Ever Wonder What a C-Loans Application Looks Like?
Here's a sample commercial loan application.
Q: What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
Would You Please Refer Your Commercial Loan Turndowns to Either CommercialMortgage.com or C-Loans.com?
If you have to turn down a commercial real estate loan this week, would you kindly refer the borrower to either CommercialMortgage.com (probably an easier web site name to remember) or C-Loans.com?
CommercialMortgage.com sure better be easier to remember! We paid $100,000 just for that domain name.
If none of our 4,000 different commercial lenders can help him, the deal
probably isn't do-able. Thanks so much!
Game of Thrones Joke
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, 'cuz, like to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
The Calendar Doesn't Lie
Getting Hungry For Commercial Loans Again?
As a lender,
should you join C-Loans.com or the faster, easier portal,
CommercialMortgage.com? It depends. If you'd like to close an extra
couple of commercial loans every year, you should probably just join CommercialMortgage.com.
If you are serious about expanding your commercial lending division, however, you should definitely join C-Loans.com. You will get far more applications.
Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?
Bankers: Get 200 Free SBA Loan Applications
Does your bank want to close more SBA loans? C-Loans.com will give you two hundred SBA loan leads for free,
deals that are perfect for your bank. These loans will be the right
size. They will be located only in your favorite counties of your
favorite states, and these SBA loan leads will be secured by just the
type of commercial real estate that you prefer - office buildings,
industrial buildings, etc.
Please click here for more information about how to receive 200 free SBA loan applications. The above offer is made only to commercial banks and credit unions.
if you don't work for a bank or credit union, but your commercial
mortgage company services more than $20 million in commercial real
estate loans? We have a fine program for you too. Please call Tom Blackburne at (574) 210-6686 or click here for more details.
Short Jokes #1
Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.
Did you hear about the dizzy girl who got into a taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
Join C-Loans For a Flat Fee
Is your boss having trouble with the idea of a software company that only gets paid when deals close? If so, just license our software on a flat fee basis.
banks with less than $2 billion in assets, the cost is just $250 per
banks with more than $2 billion in assets and less than $7 billion in
assets, the cost is just $350 per month.
banks with more than $7 billion in assets and less than $15 billion in
assets, the cost is just $500 per month.
banks with more than $15 billion in assets, the cost is just $1,000 per
Important note: In all of these cases, the bank owes nothing more, even if it closes a loan. To join C-Loans using our new flat-fee program, please email Tom Blackburne, General Manager, or call him at 574-210-6686.
A blonde and a brunette are out driving. The brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she's seen any cops. "Yes," says the blonde. "Are their lights on?" The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."
Referring Your Turndowns to C-Loans.com (or CommercialMortgage.com) Gives Your Customers a Good Place to Look
you have to turn down a bank customer's request for a commercial loan,
it will help him if you could suggest a place for him to look elsewhere.
With 750 different commercial real estate lenders participating on C-Loans.com, if your customer can't qualify for a commercial mortgage from us, he probably won't qualify anywhere. Thank you so much!
Short Jokes #2
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
He Must Have Jumped a Foot. Ha-Ha!
Would You Mind a $21,250 Referral Fee?
once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a website owner named Alan Dunn of
Spydercube.com for referring us a $17 million deal.
We've made it super-easy to refer us commercial loans and to receive big referral fees. Please click here for details.
Video - Kind Man Frees Fox Cub From Tin Can
Be sure to see how the fox cub reacts to being freed.
Join CommercialMortgage.com For Free
Want to close a few commercial loans? Your bank can now be listed on CommercialMortgage.com ("CMDC") for free. Guys, this really is totally free with absolutely no strings attached.
Click here to list your bank on CMDC and receive totally free commercial real estate loan leads.
Final Funny (R)
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother said, "Well, maybe that's something you could ask the stewardess."
So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."
One Final Pathetic Plea
If you won't let us pay you a referral fee, won't you please-please refer your commercial mortgage turndowns to C-Loans.com or to CommercialMortgage.com? Thanks!