C-LOANS BANKER LETTER
This letter is intended only for commercial mortgage loan officers working for banks and hard money lenders. Today we'll talk about creative office space. And, of course, because this is C-Loans (the jokesters), we have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and a troubling shark video.
Joke Du Jour
My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was doing and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be treated, and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said, "Will? What will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."
Even Chuck Norris Wouldn't Mess With This Guy
Ever Wonder What a C-Loans Application Looks Like?
Here's a sample commercial loan application.
Just like a group of lions is called a pride, a group of ravens is called a murder. So...
Q: What do you call two ravens sitting next to each other?
A: An attempted murder.
Please Refer Your Commercial Loan Turndowns to Either CommercialMortgage.com or C-Loans.com
If you turn down a commercial real estate loan this week, would you kindly refer the borrower to CommercialMortgage.com (probably an easier web site name to remember) or C-Loans.com? CommercialMortgage.com sure better be easier to remember! We paid $100,000 just for that domain name. If none of our 4,000 different commercial lenders can help him, the deal probably isn't do-able. Thanks so much!
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship," the husband explained. "She was a communications major in college, and I majored in theater arts. She communicates well, and I act like I'm listening."
What on Earth is Creative Office Space?
Creative office space is the hot new buzzword among real estate developers and commercial real estate professionals. Creative office space is office space that is designed to feel as comfortable as home and space that is very conducive to collaboration among employees.
I have just completed a training blog article on creative office space, and I strongly encourage you to read it. The training article is just one page long, and I try to use lots of examples.
While you're reading my blog article, I strongly encourage you to sign up for my blog. It's free training in commercial real estate finance. I started writing these training articles to train my two sons ten years ago, and I promise you that every article is jam-packed with genuine training (as well as lots of funny pics).
To those of you who have read my training articles before and gotten a lot out of them, here is a trick: If you run across a strange commercial real estate finance term - let's say "shadow anchor" - go to Google and type in "C-Loans blog shadow anchor." You'll see what I have written on the subject.
The Lady Sounds Serious. Maybe You Should
Getting Hungry For Commercial Loans Again?
As a lender, should you join C-Loans.com or the faster, easier portal, CommercialMortgage.com? It depends. If you'd like to close an extra couple of commercial loans every year, you should probably just join CommercialMortgage.com. If you are serious about expanding your commercial lending division, however, you should definitely join C-Loans.com. You will get far more applications.
Fancy Restaurant Joke
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dessert to make it up to you." They enjoy a wonderful dessert together, and afterwards, the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap...and stay for breakfast the next morning. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! Everything has been incredible! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No," she replies, "you just happened to catch my eye."
Bankers: Get 200 Free SBA Loan Applications
Does your bank want to close more SBA loans? C-Loans.com will give you two hundred SBA loan leads for free, deals that are perfect for your bank. These loans will be the right size. They will be located only in your favorite counties of your favorite states, and these SBA loans leads will be secured by just the type of commercial real estate that you prefer - office buildings, industrial buildings, etc.
Please click here for more information about how to receive 200 free SBA loan applications. The above offer is made only to commercial banks and credit unions.
What if you don't work for a bank or credit union, but your commercial mortgage company services more than $20 million in commercial real estate loans? We have a fine program for you too. Please call Tom Blackburne at (574) 210-6686 or click here for more details.
Chicken Wife Joke
A man runs to the doctor and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. My wife thinks she's a chicken!" The doctor asks, "How long has she had this condition?" "Two years," says the man. "Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?" asked the shrink. The man shrugs his shoulders and replies, "We needed the eggs."
Free Commercial Mortgage Marketing Course
You've got a buddy who works as a commercial loan officer at a neighboring bank, right? We'll trade you the contents of one of his or her business cards for a free commercial mortgage marketing course. We sell this popular course separately on C-Loans.com for $199. Learn how to turn on a flow of SBA and conventional commercial mortgage leads as easily as turning on a spigot.
Important note: This has nothing to do with joining C-Loans as a lender. For more information, please click here.
Ugly Faces Joke
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
Join C-Loans For a Flat Fee
Most banks that join C-Loans take advantage of our free guaranteed success program; but a bank can now join C-Loans, get listed on our Suggested Lender Lists, and receive tons of commercial mortgage loan applications for a small monthly fee:
For banks with less than $2 billion in assets, the cost is just $250 per month, and up to three loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads.
For banks with more than $2 billion in assets and less than $7 billion in assets, the cost is just $350 per month, and up to four loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads.
For banks with more than $7 billion in assets and less than $15 billion in assets, the cost is just $500 per month, and up to five loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads.
For banks with more than $15 billion in assets, the cost is just $1,000 per month, and up to ten loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads.
Important note: In all of these cases, the bank owes nothing more, even if it closes a loan.
To join C-Loans using our new flat-fee program, please email Tom Blackburne, General Manager, or call him at 574-210-6686.
But, once again, most banks joining C-Loans, take advantage of our free guaranteed success program, where the bank only pays C-Loans, Inc. a software licensing fee of 0.375 points (just 25 bps. on deals over $5MM) if it closes a commercial loan from C-Loans. Most banks simply increase their normal loan origination fee from 1.0 point to 1.375 points to cover the cost of using our software and receiving our leads. This makes C-Loans effectively free to the bank.
To join using our guaranteed success program - effectively free to the bank - simply use this super-easy form to join C-Loans as a lender.
Corn on the Cob Joke
We were eating corn on the cob two weeks ago, and my 5-year-old daughter Rachel seemed to be struggling with it a little bit. I said "Rachel, eat it like a typewriter." She looked at me with pure innocence in her eyes and said "Mommy, what's a typewriter?"
Referring Your Turndowns to C-Loans.com (or CommercialMortgage.com) Gives Your Customers a Good Place to Look
If you have to turn down a bank customer's request for a commercial loan, it will help him if you could suggest a place for him to look elsewhere. With 750 different commercial real estate lenders participating on C-Loans.com; if your customer can't qualify for a commercial mortgage from us, he probably won't qualify anywhere. Thank you so much!
Counting Joke (PG-13)
You know its time to diet when
... you start putting mayonnaise on your aspirin.
... your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."
... you are diagnosed with that flesh-eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.
How To Close Investor Commercial Loans When Your Loan Committee Won't Exceed 62% LTV
Suppose one of your better bank customers wants to buy a commercial building, not for his company, but rather just for investment. The deal cash flows perfectly at 75% LTV, but your nervous Loan Committee cuts the deal back to just 62% LTV. "Gosh, I have been a good bank customer for decades. I thought my own bank would take better care of me."
The sister company of C-Loans, Blackburne & Sons, raises small balance JV equity for such deals, and we'll raise as little as $100,000. We'll add our equity to your customer's down payment to create a down payment large enough to satisfy your Loan Committee.
Got a potential deal? Please complete this simple preferred equity application or call Angela Vannucci at 916-338-3232.
Maybe Chuck Norris Should Stay Away From
This Kid Too
Ugly Suit Joke
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him. "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!" "Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?!" the manager asked. "That's the one!" "That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me, why is your hand bandaged?" "Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his seeing-eye dog bit me."
Would You Mind a $21,250 Referral Fee?
We once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a website owner named Alan Dunn of Spydercube.com for referring us a $17 million deal. Not long ago, we also paid our friends at RealWebFunds.com an $11,000 referral fee.
We've made it super-easy to refer us commercial loans and to receive big referral fees. Please click here for details.
Maybe this guy shouldn't be paddle-boarding here.
Adam's Rib Joke
At Sunday school, they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intrigued when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later that day his mother noticed him lying down, curled up on the floor as though he were ill. She said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm gonna have a wife!"
CommercialMortgage.com Really Is Free For Banks To Join
Stop! This has nothing to do with joining C-Loans.com. This is a totally different portal with totally different rules.
You can list your bank on CommercialMortgage.com in just four minutes for free. There is no set-up charge. There is no monthly fee. You don't even owe a fee if you close a deal. Unlike C-Loans.com, your listing is truly 100% free.
Your bank could surely stand to make a few more commercial loans. You would be absolutely nuts not to add your bank to this very active new portal (1,100 commercial loan apps in the first three weeks). Please click here to add your bank to CommercialMortgage.com.
Are you confused as to how C-Loans, Inc. could afford to spend $250,000 creating a new commercial mortgage portal that competes against its own flagship site, C-Loans.com? How can we afford to provide this site for free to both the borrowers and bankers?
The Blackburne family of commercial mortgage companies (est. 1980) also includes Blackburne & Sons Realty Capital Corporation. This hard money commercial mortgage company makes 15 year commercial loans nationwide using the funds of our 1,500 private investors. We earn a 2% loan servicing fee (200 bps!) on these loans; so if a loan stays outstanding for 15 years, we earn 33 points, including our typical 3-point origination fee. That's $330,000 in gross profit on a hard money loan of just $1 million.
By creating this free new portal, we get to look at every commercial loan that enters CommercialMortgage.com. Picture us as a grizzly bear, knee deep in the river, during salmon spawning season. So take your free listing on CommercialMortgage.com and run. Our new portal really is 100% free to your bank.
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. Fortunately, an Exxon station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas.
The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas, and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptist ladies watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic."
One Final Pathetic Plea
If you won't let us pay you a referral fee, won't you please, please refer your commercial mortgage turndowns to C-Loans.com or to CommercialMortgage.com? Thanks!