C-LOANS BANKER LETTER
This letter is intended only for commercial mortgage loan officers working for banks and hard money lenders. Today we'll talk about financing commercial property on leased ground. And, of course, because this is C-Loans (the jokesters), we have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and a video of a small-town restaurant where all of the pretty waitresses carry guns.
Joke Du Jour
A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm constipated." The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table." The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the butt with a baseball bat, CRACK... and then sends him into the bathroom. He comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. What should I do to prevent constipation?" The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags.”
Recently Slain 1,800-Pound Grizzly Bear in Alaska Had the Remains of Two Different Campers Inside
Ever Wonder What a C-Loans Application Looks Like?
Here's a sample commercial loan application.
Bill of Rights Joke
Two lawyers, Bob and Bill, were having a heated exchange during a trial. The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench. "Your Honor," said Bob, "I objected because my distinguished colleague Bill was badgering the witness. It is obvious he has never heard of the Bill of Rights." "Rubbish!" snapped Bill. "I happen to know them by heart." Bob rolled his eyes in disbelief. "Do you now? Well, Bill, I have a hundred dollars that says you can't even tell me the first few words." Bill smirked and accepted the challenge and began, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..." "Damn," Bob interrupted, fishing the money from his pocket, "I didn't think you'd know it."
Please Refer Your Commercial Loan Turndowns to Either CommercialMortgage.com or C-Loans.com
If you turn down a commercial real estate loan this week, would you kindly refer the borrower to CommercialMortgage.com (probably an easier web site name to remember) or C-Loans.com? CommercialMortgage.com sure better be easier to remember! We paid $100,000 just for that domain name. If none of our 4,000 different commercial lenders can help him, the deal probably isn't do-able. Thanks so much!
Memorial Plaque Joke
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy and said quietly, "Good morning, Alex." "Good morning, Pastor," he replied, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor, what is this?" The pastor replied, "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked, "Which service, the 8:00 or the 9:30?"
Underwriting Commercial Loans on Leased Ground
What is a land lease? A land lease happens when a land-owner refuses to part with title to a piece of ground, but he is willing to lease out the use of the land for a very long period of time. Typically the land is unimproved, and the land lessee, the guy leasing the property - proceeds to construct a new building on the property
Land leases can have any term, but two common lease terms are 49 years and 99 years. Land leases are also called ground leases.
Example: Once upon a time, 60-year-old Tom Grumpy owned a wonderul, three-acre parcel located on the corner of Premier Boulevard and Affluent Way. Every day 5,000 luxury sedans and SUV's drove by this corner. Every developer in town wanted to buy this land and develop a high-end strip center, with shops like Gucci and Prada. Old man Grumpy rejected every offer. "The property is not for sale. I am saving it for my grandchildren."
Enter Susie Raptor, a clever girl. She approaches Tom Grumpy and proposes the following: "Tom, I agree with you. You should not sell this incredible piece of land. It is only going to increase in value over time. Instead, you should lease it to me for 99 years at $10,000 per month... more.
Dogs Have Masters, Cats Are Masters
Getting Hungry For Commercial Loans Again?
As a lender, should you join C-Loans.com or the faster, easier portal, CommercialMortgage.com? It depends. If you'd like to close an extra couple of commercial loans every year, you should probably just join CommercialMortgage.com. If you are serious about expanding your commercial lending division, however, you should definitely join C-Loans.com. You will get far more applications.
Optimism is going after Moby Dick in a rowboat and taking tartar sauce with you.
Bankers: Get 200 Free SBA Loan Applications
Does your bank want to close more SBA loans? C-Loans.com will give you two hundred SBA loan leads for free, deals that are perfect for your bank. These loans will be the right size. They will be located only in your favorite counties of your favorite states, and these SBA loans leads will be secured by just the type of commercial real estate that you prefer - office buildings, industrial buildings, etc.
Please click here for more information about how to receive 200 free SBA loan applications. The above offer is made only to commercial banks and credit unions.
What if you don't work for a bank or credit union, but your commercial mortgage company services more than $20 million in commercial real estate loans? We have a fine program for you too. Please call Tom Blackburne at (574) 210-6686 or click here for more details.
Q: What do you call a bee born in between April 30 and June 1?
A: A maybe.
Free Commercial Mortgage Marketing Course
You've got a buddy who works as a commercial loan officer at a neighboring bank, right? We'll trade you the contents of one of his or her business cards for a free commercial mortgage marketing course. We sell this popular course separately on C-Loans.com for $199. Learn how to turn on a flow of SBA and conventional commercial mortgage leads as easily as turning on a spigot.
Important note: This has nothing to do with joining C-Loans as a lender. For more information, please click here.
Sunday School Picnic Joke
The minister's little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment. She told her she couldn't go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday. When the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind. When she told the little girl she could go to the picnic, the child's reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness. "What's the matter? I thought you'd be glad to go to the picnic." her mother said. "It's too late!" the little girl said. "I've already prayed for rain."
Join C-Loans For a Flat Fee
Most banks that join C-Loans take advantage of our free guaranteed success program; but a bank can now join C-Loans, get listed on our Suggested Lender Lists, and receive tons of commercial mortgage loan applications for a small monthly fee:
For banks with less than $2 billion in assets, the cost is just $250 per month, and up to three loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads.
For banks with more than $2 billion in assets and less than $7 billion in assets, the cost is just $350 per month, and up to four loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads.
For banks with more than $7 billion in assets and less than $15 billion in assets, the cost is just $500 per month, and up to five loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads.
For banks with more than $15 billion in assets, the cost is just $1,000 per month, and up to ten loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads.
Important note: In all of these cases, the bank owes nothing more, even if it closes a loan.
To join C-Loans using our new flat-fee program, please email Tom Blackburne, General Manager, or call him at 574-210-6686.
But, once again, most banks joining C-Loans, take advantage of our free guaranteed success program, where the bank only pays C-Loans, Inc. a software licensing fee of 0.375 points (just 25 bps. on deals over $5MM) if it closes a commercial loan from C-Loans. Most banks simply increase their normal loan origination fee from 1.0 point to 1.375 points to cover the cost of using our software and receiving our leads. This makes C-Loans effectively free to the bank.
To join using our guaranteed success program - effectively free to the bank - simply use this super-easy form to join C-Loans as a lender.
Bad Day Joke
There was this guy at a bar, obviously glum and just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life."
"First, I oversleep and get to work late. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they could do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I've left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
Referring Your Turndowns to C-Loans.com (or CommercialMortgage.com) Gives Your Customers a Good Place to Look
If you have to turn down a bank customer's request for a commercial loan, it will help him if you could suggest a place for him to look elsewhere. With 750 different commercial real estate lenders participating on C-Loans.com, if your customer can't qualify for a commercial mortgage from us, he probably won't qualify anywhere. Thank you so much!
Swearing Joke (PG-13)
There are two brothers, aged four and six. The six-year-old says "You know, it's about time we started to swear." The four-year-old says "Okay." The six-year-old says "From now on I'll say 'hell' and you say 'ass.'" The four-year-old says "Okay." So they go downstairs, and their mother asks, "What would you boys like for breakfast?" The six-year-old says "Oh, what the hell, I'll have corn flakes." WHACK! The kid goes flying across the room. The mother turns to the four-year-old and asks "And what would you like for breakfast?" The four-year-old says "I don't know, but you can bet your ass it's not corn flakes."
How To Close Investor Commercial Loans When Your Loan Committee Won't Exceed 62% LTV
Suppose one of your better bank customers wants to buy a commercial building, not for his company, but rather just for investment. The deal cash flows perfectly at 75% LTV, but your nervous Loan Committee cuts the deal back to just 62% LTV. "Gosh, I have been a good bank customer for decades. I thought my own bank would take better care of me."
The sister company of C-Loans, Blackburne & Sons, raises small balance JV equity for such deals, and we'll raise as little as $100,000. We'll add our equity to your customer's down payment to create a down payment large enough to satisfy your Loan Committee.
Got a potential deal? Please complete this simple preferred equity application or call Angela Vannucci at 916-338-3232.
You'll Never Take Me Alive, Copper
Nothing straightens out a nasty slice quicker than a sharp dog-leg to the right.
Would You Mind a $21,250 Referral Fee?
We once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a website owner named Alan Dunn of Spydercube.com for referring us a $17 million deal. Not long ago we paid our friends at RealWebFunds.com an $11,000 referral fee.
We've made it super-easy to refer us commercial loans and to receive big referral fees. Please click here for details.
Video - Don't Mess With Your Waitress
In this small-town restaurant, all of the pretty waitresses carry guns.
A recent Alberta Government (Canada) study has found over 200 dead crows near Calgary, Alberta. There was concern that they may have died from the Avian Flu virus. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's relief.However, he was also able to determine that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with large trucks, and only 2% were killed by car impact.
The Provincial Government hired an Ornithological Behaviorist from Toronto to determine the disproportionate percentages for the large truck versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in short order. When crows eat road kill, they always set-up a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. His conclusion was that the lookout crow could easily say, "Cah-cah," but could not say, "Truck-truck."
CommercialMortgage.com Really Is Free For Banks To Join
Stop! This has nothing to do with joining C-Loans.com. This is a totally different portal with totally different rules.
You can list your bank on CommercialMortgage.com in just four minutes for free. There is no set-up charge. There is no monthly fee. You don't even owe a fee if you close a deal. Unlike C-Loans.com, your listing is truly 100% free.
Your bank could surely stand to make a few more commercial loans. You would be absolutely nuts not to add your bank to this very active new portal (1,100 commercial loan app's in the first three weeks). Please click here to add your bank to CommercialMortgage.com.
Are you confused as to how C-Loans, Inc. could afford to spend $250,000 creating a new commercial mortgage portal that competes against its own flagship site, C-Loans.com? How can we afford to provide this site for free to both the borrowers and bankers?
The Blackburne family of commercial mortgage companies (est. 1980) also includes Blackburne & Sons Realty Capital Corporation. This hard money commercial mortgage company makes 15 year commercial loans nationwide using the funds of our 1,500 private investors. We earn a 2% loan servicing fee (200 bps!) on these loans, so if a loan stays outstanding for 15 years, we earn 33 points, including our typical 3-point origination fee. That's $330,000 in gross profit on a hard money loan of just $1 million.
By creating this free new portal, we get to look at every commercial loan that enters CommercialMortgage.com. Picture us as a grizzly bear, knee deep in the river, during salmon spawning season. So take your free listing on CommercialMortgage.com and run. Our new portal really is 100% free to your bank.
AN IRISHMAN'S FIRST DRINK WITH HIS SON
While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint. Off we went to our local pub, only two blocks from the cottage. I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it. Then I got him a Kilkenny's. He didn't like that either, so I drank it. Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager. He didn't. I drank it. I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's. Nope! In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast - Ireland 's finest wiskey. He wouldn't even smell it. What could I do but drink it? By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so plastered that I could hardly push his stroller back home.
One Final Pathetic Plea
If you won't let us pay you a referral fee, won't you please-please refer your commercial mortgage turndowns to C-Loans.com or to CommercialMortgage.com? Thanks!