C-LOANS BANKER LETTER
This letter is intended only for commercial mortgage loan officers working for banks and hard money lenders. Today we'll talk about how large European corporations are getting paid to accept commercial loans. No way! Yes, way. And, of course, because this is C-Loans (the jokesters), we have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and a fascinating video about a rescued hummingbird.
Joke Du Jour
Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!" The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!" The first kid says, "What if they try to escape?"
Thank You For an Audience, Your Royal Kittyness
Ever Wonder What a C-Loans Application Looks Like?
Here's a sample commercial loan application.
"According to a political science professor, all of Donald Trump's speeches are given at a fifth-grade level or below. And today Trump said the professor who did the study was a doody head." -- Jimmy Fallon
Would You Please Refer Your Commercial Loan Turndowns to C-Loans.com?
If you have to turn down a commercial real estate loan this week, would you kindly refer the borrower (or broker) to C-Loans.com? If none of our 750 different commercial lenders can help him, the deal probably isn't do-able. Thanks so much!
Computer Crash Joke
"In Virginia recently, a computer crash wiped out a decade's worth of U.S. military data. However, this morning, the Chinese government called and said, 'No problem, we backed it up.'" -- Conan O'Brien
European Corporations Getting Paid to Accept Commercial Loans. Whaaat?
To combat deflation, the European Central Bank (ECB) has been engaged in quantitative easing, just like our own Federal Reserve Bank. The ECB has been buying up enormous amounts of the sovereign debt issued by European countries, like Germany, France, Italy and Spain. This is a big part of the reason why there is now $10 trillion worth of worldwide sovereign debt (Germany, Japan, Switzerland, Sweden, etc.) that has a negative yield.
The ECB can't buy up every sovereign bond in Europe; otherwise, the trustees of all of the various trusts - who are contractually obligated to maintain a certain percentage of AAA and AA corporate bonds in their portfolios - would have to breach their fiduciary duty. The ECB has to leave some sovereign bonds for the public to buy. That's why the ECB is limiting itself to 70% of the sovereign bonds of any one country.
What can the ECB do to inflate the money supply when it has already purchased its allotment of European sovereign bonds? For example, the ECB can't buy many more German bonds if it already owns 69% of all of Germany's outstanding bonds. Yikes. How can it forestall deflation?
Now we finally get to the astounding news: In order to force new money into the European money supply (to prevent deflation), the ECB has started buying up AAA-rated and AA-rated bonds issued by large European corporations, companies like the German industrial giant, Siemens, or the British pharmaceutical company, GlaxoSmithKline.
The yields on these highly-rated corporate bonds just went negative this quarter. Siemens can now borrow $50,000,000 for two years, pay no interest at all, and pay back just $49,985,000 two years later.
In effect, large European corporations are being paid to take a commercial loan. Wow. May you live in interesting times.
Would your bank like to close a few more commercial loans? Then join C-Loans.com!
Some people are extremely impressed when you tell them you're a Navy SEAL. Case in point: My grandson's Kindergarten class on Career Day. I regaled them with stories of my exploits in the military. After I finished, hands shot up into the air all over the classroom. The kids were eager to ask questions. One little girl asked, "Can you balance a ball on the end of your nose?"
Free Commercial Mortgage Marketing Course
You've got a buddy who works as a commercial loan officer at a neighboring bank, right? We'll trade you the contents of one of his or her business cards for a free commercial mortgage marketing course. We sell this popular course separately on C-Loans.com for $199. Learn how to turn on a flow of SBA and conventional commercial mortgage leads as easily as turning on a spigot.
Important note: This has nothing to do with joining C-Loans as a lender. For more information, please click here.
This Time the Cat Got Blamed
Bankers: Get 200 Free SBA Loan Applications
Does your bank want to close more SBA loans? C-Loans.com will give you two hundred SBA loan leads for free, deals that are perfect for your bank. These loans will be the right size. They will be located only in your favorite counties of your favorite states, and these SBA loans leads will be secured by just the type of commercial real estate that you prefer - office buildings, industrial buildings, etc.
Please click here for more information about how to receive 200 free SBA loan applications. The above offer is made only to commercial banks and credit unions.
What if you don't work for a bank or credit union, but your commercial mortgage company services more than $20 million in commercial real estate loans? We have a fine program for you too. Please call Mick Carlson at (574) 855-6292 or click here for more details.
Missing Husbands Joke
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
Join C-Loans For a Flat Fee
Most banks that join C-Loans take advantage of our free guaranteed success program; but a bank can now join C-Loans, get listed on our Suggested Lender Lists, and receive tons of commercial mortgage loan applications for a small monthly fee:
For banks with less than $2 billion in assets, the cost is just $250 per month, and up to three loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads.
For banks with more than $2 billion in assets and less than $7 billion in assets, the cost is just $350 per month, and up to four loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads.
For banks with more than $7 billion in assets and less than $15 billion in assets, the cost is just $500 per month, and up to five loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads.
For banks with more than $15 billion in assets, the cost is just $1,000 per month, and up to ten loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads.
Important note: In all of these cases, the bank owes nothing more, even if it closes a loan.
To join C-Loans using our new flat-fee program, please email Mick Carlson, General Manager, or call him at 574-855-6292.
But, once again, most banks joining C-Loans, take advantage of our free guaranteed success program, where the bank only pays C-Loans, Inc. a software licensing fee of 0.375 points (just 25 bps. on deals over $5MM) if it closes a commercial loan from C-Loans. Most banks simply increase their normal loan origination fee from 1.0 point to 1.375 points to cover the cost of using our software and receiving our leads. This makes C-Loans effectively free to the bank.
To join using our guaranteed success program - effectively free to the bank - simply use this super-easy form to join C-Loans as a lender.
Cat Names Joke
I telephoned the veterinarian's office to ask when I should take my three-month-old kitten in to be vaccinated for rabies. After a few initial questions, the woman who answered the telephone asked, "What is the kitten's name?" "Demon," I replied. "Demon? That's an odd name," she said. "Maybe, but it's appropriate anyway." I heard clicking of a computer keyboard, then she said, "Our records show that you have cats named Gato [which is Spanish for 'male cat'], Scamp, Stinky, and now you named one Demon. Is that right?" "Yes, it is." "You really don't like cats, do you?”
Referring Your Turndowns to C-Loans.com Gives Your Customers a Good Place to Look
If you have to turn down a bank customer's request for a commercial loan, it will help him if you could suggest a place for him to look elsewhere. With 750 different commercial real estate lenders participating on C-Loans.com, if your customer can't qualify for a commercial mortgage from us, he probably won't qualify anywhere. Thank you so much!
Memory Joke - Oldie But a Goodie
A couple in their nineties are BOTH having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically in good condition for their age, but if they are having trouble remembering they might want to start writing things down to help them. Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Where are you going?" his wife asks. "To the kitchen" he replies. "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" "Sure." "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks, recalling the doctor's suggestion. "No, I can remember it." "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it." He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." "I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts. Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down. Just don't start with that! Leave me alone!! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles on into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "Where's my toast?"
How To Close Investor Commercial Loans When Your Loan Committee Won't Exceed 62% LTV
Suppose one of your better bank customers wants to buy a commercial building, not for his company, but rather just for investment. The deal cash flows perfectly at 75% LTV, but your nervous Loan Committee cuts the deal back to just 62% LTV. "Gosh, I have been a good bank customer for decades. I thought my own bank would take better care of me."
The sister company of C-Loans, Blackburne & Sons, raises small balance JV equity for such deals, and we'll raise as little as $100,000. We'll add our equity to your customer's down payment to create a down payment large enough to satisfy your Loan Committee.
Got a potential deal? Please complete this simple preferred equity application or call Angela Vannucci at 916-338-3232.
I Know It Looks Bad, But Hear the Story First. You See, the Cat...
Q: Why did cavemen draw pictures of hippopotamuses and rhinoceroses on their walls?
A: Because they couldn't spell their names!
Would You Mind a $21,250 Referral Fee?
We once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a website owner named Alan Dunn of Spydercube.com for referring us a $17 million deal. Not long ago we paid our friends at RealWebFunds.com an $11,000 referral fee.
We've made it super-easy to refer us commercial loans and to receive big referral fees. Please click here for details.
Video - Hummingbird
Dog and dad save baby hummingbird
A jeweler called the police station to report a robbery. "You'll never believe what happened, Sergeant. A truck backed up to my store, the doors opened and an elephant came out. He broke my plate glass window, stuck his trunk in, sucked up all the jewelry and climbed back into the truck. The doors closed and the truck pulled away." The desk sergeant said, "Could you tell me, for identification purposes, whether it was an Indian elephant or an African elephant?" "What's the difference?" asked the jeweler. "Well," said the sergeant, an African elephant has great big ears and an Indian elephant has little ears." "Come to think of it, I couldn't see his ears," said the jeweler. "He had a stocking over his head."
One Final Pathetic Plea
If you won't let us pay you a referral fee, won't you please-please refer your commercial mortgage turndowns to C-Loans.com? Thanks!
A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient. "I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said. "Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked. "No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."