C-LOANS BANKER LETTER
This letter is intended only for commercial mortgage loan officers working for banks and hard money lenders. Today we'll talk about how your bank can now join C-Loans and get lots of SBA loans for just $250 per month. Or you can join classically and get 200 SBA loan leads for free. And, of course, because this is C-Loans (the jokesters), we have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and a nice flash mob video.
Joke Du Jour
An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is it for the express degree you told me about?" "It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon. Why do you want to become a lawyer?" "That's my business! Get me the course!" Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid. Suddenly, the old man was racked with fits of coughing, and it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and asked, "Please, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted to get a law degree so badly before you died?" In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said, "One less lawyer…"
First They Seduce You With Their Cuteness, and Then They Own You.
Ever Wonder What a C-Loans Application Looks Like?
Here's a sample commercial loan application.
Spanish singer Julio Iglesias (father of Enrique Iglesias) was on television with British TV host Anne Diamond when he used the word "manyana." Diamond asked him to explain what it meant. He said that the term means "maybe the job will be done tomorrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?" The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan, who was also on the show, and asked him if there was an equivalent term in Irish. "No. In Ireland we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency," replied Brennan.
Would You Please Refer Your Commercial Loan Turndowns to C-Loans.com?
If you have to turn down a commercial real estate loan this week, would you kindly refer the borrower (or broker) to C-Loans.com? If none of our 750 different commercial lenders can help him, the deal probably isn't do-able. Thanks so much!
"Hillary Clinton was campaigning in New York today and actually visited Yankee Stadium. Bernie Sanders spent the entire day looking for the Brooklyn Dodgers. 'They were here when I left! Where did they go? Where are they?'" -- Jimmy Fallon
Brand New Way to Join C-Loans
C-Loans, Inc. is proud to announce a new way for banks and credit unions to join C-Loans.com. Commercial banks can now elect to join C-Loans as a lender for a small monthly fee, the size of which depends on the asset size of the bank.
For banks with less than $2 billion in assets, the cost is just $250 per month, and up to three loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads. The bank owes nothing more, even if it closes a loan.
For banks with more than $2 billion in assets and less than $7 billion in assets, the cost is just $350 per month, and up to four loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads. The bank owes nothing more, even if it closes a loan.
For banks with more than $7 billion in assets and less than $15 billion in assets, the cost is just $500 per month, and up to five loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads. The bank owes nothing more, even if it closes a loan.
For banks with more than $15 billion in assets, the cost is just $1,000 per month, and up to ten loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads. The bank owes nothing more, even if it closes a loan.
To join C-Loans using our new flat-fee program, please email Mick Carlson, General Manager, at 574-855-6292.
Your bank can also still join C-Loans for free (no set-up fee or monthly fee), using our guaranteed success program, where the bank only pays C-Loans, Inc. a software licensing fee of 0.375 points if it closes a commercial loan from C-Loans. Most banks simply increase their normal loan fee from 1.0 point to 1.375 points to cover the cost of using our software and receiving our leads. This makes C-Loans effectively free to the bank.
To join using our guaranteed success program - effectively free to the bank - simply use this super-easy form to join C-Loans as a lender.
Definition Joke I
Avoidable /uh-voy'-duh-buhl/ adjective: What a bullfighter tries to do.
Bankers: Get 200 Free SBA Loan Applications
Does your bank want to close more SBA loans? C-Loans.com will give you two hundred SBA loan leads for free, deals that are perfect for your bank. These loans will be the right size. They will be located only in your favorite counties of your favorite states, and these SBA loans leads will be secured by just the type of commercial real estate that you prefer - office buildings, industrial buildings, etc.
You will be able to cherry pick these two hundred SBA loans leads directly from our Lender Vault. Competing lenders have to pay $5 to $35 each to see these leads. You will get two-hundred of them for free.
Important Note: If you do close a loan off one of these leads, you will owe to C-Loans, Inc. a software licensing fee of 37.5 basis points. This where we make our dough; but please don't panic. Several hundred commercial banks nationwide participate on C-Loans.com, and virtually all of them simply increase their normal points by 0.375 point to cover our little fee. Therefore these leads really do end up being free to your bank.
Please click here for more information about how to receive 200 free SBA loan applications. The above offer is made only to commercial banks and credit unions.
What if you don't work for a bank or credit union, but your commercial mortgage company services more than $20 million in commercial real estate loans? We have a fine program for you too. Please call Mick Carlson at (574) 855-6292 or click here for more details.
Definition Joke II
Arbitrator /ar'-bi-tray-ter/ noun: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald’s.
Life Isn't Fair - Everyone Should Learn Early
Referring Your Turndowns to C-Loans.com Gives Your Customers a Good Place to Look
If you have to turn down a bank customer's request for a commercial loan, it will help him if you could suggest a place for him to look elsewhere. With 750 different commercial real estate lenders participating on C-Loans.com, if your customer can't qualify for a commercial mortgage from us, he probably won't qualify anywhere. Thank you so much!
Henry VIII Joke
Q: Why was the ghost of Anne Boleyn always running after the ghost of Henry VIII?
A: She was trying to get ahead!
How To Close Investor Commercial Loans When Your Loan Committee Won't Exceed 62% LTV
Suppose one of your better bank customers wants to buy a commercial building, not for his company, but rather just for investment. The deal cash flows perfectly at 75% LTV, but your nervous Loan Committee cuts the deal back to just 62% LTV. "Gosh, I have been a good bank customer for decades. I thought my own bank would take better care of me."
The sister company of C-Loans, Blackburne & Sons, raises small balance JV equity for such deals, and we'll raise as little as $100,000. We'll add our equity to your customer's down payment to create a down payment large enough to satisfy your Loan Committee.
Got a potential deal? Please complete this simple preferred equity application or call Angela Vannucci at 916-338-3232.
My Cat Loves to Loudly Announce His "Amazing" Kills - Some Tiny Vole - At 3:00 in the Morning
What is C-Loans 2.0?
Let's suppose you've heard about all of the hundreds and hundreds of commercial real estate loans being closed by C-Loans.com, and you want your bank to join. Unfortunately your boss is adamant, "We will not pay a fee to C-Loans!"
Now its no longer a problem. C-Loans, Inc. is pleased to announce C-Loans 2.0, a new program where we collect our own 37.5 bps. software licensing fee directly from the borrower. Here are the details on the brand, new C-Loans 2.0.
To join C-Loans.com and to receive custom-fitted commercial real estate loan applications from high-net-worth individuals located close to your branch, please call Mick Carlson at 574-855-6292.
"Guess what I heard today?" a man says to his wife. "What, hon?" she asks. "The mailman has seduced every woman on our block but one." "Huh," his wife says, "I bet it's that stuck-up Phyllis next door."
Would You Mind a $21,250 Referral Fee?
We once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a website owner named Alan Dunn of Spydercube.com for referring us a $17 million deal. Not long ago we paid our friends at RealWebFunds.com an $11,000 referral fee.
We've made it super-easy to refer us commercial loans and to receive big referral fees. Please click here for details.
Video - Ode To Joy Flash Mob
When this little girl walked up to this street musician and put some money in his hat, no one had any idea what she had just started.
Monkey Glands Joke
A couple who were having trouble having a baby went to see a doctor. The doctor gave him a revolutionary new injection made from monkey glands, which worked perfectly. Nine months and two weeks later, his wife had a baby. When the nurse came out of the delivery room with the news, he asked, "Is it a boy or a girl?" "We won't know until it comes down off the light fixtures.”
One Final Pathetic Plea
If you won't let us pay you a referral fee, won't you please-please refer your commercial mortgage turndowns to C-Loans.com? Thanks!
Final Funny - Oldie But a Goodie
God Said, "Adam, I want you to do something for Me." Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?" God said, "Go down into that valley." Adam said, "What's a valley?" God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river." Adam said, "What's a river?" God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill...." Adam asked, “What is a hill?" So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave…" Adam asked, “What's a cave?” After God explained, He said, "In the cave you will find a woman." Adam said, "What's a woman?” So God explained that to him too. Then God said, “I want you to reproduce." Adam said, "How do I do that?" God first said (under His breath), "Geez....." And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam as well. So Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, over the hill, and into the cave, where he finds the woman. Then, in about five minutes, he was back. God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?" And Adam asked... "What's a headache?"