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Volume 7: Issue 11 | Date: October 3, 2019

This letter is intended only for commercial real estate loan officers working for banks, credit unions, conduits, and hard money lenders. Today we’ll discuss how important cost is in commercial real estate finance during recessions. We also have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and a stunning video of a shark on the beach with a human leg in its mouth.

Hey guys, if we make you chuckle today, won't you please-please-please refer a turndown this week to CommercialMortgage.com? Seriously, guys, this searchable portal is free, and it contains thousands of commercial lenders. You really are doing them a favor.


Joke Du Jour

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I kept pretending to be a Transformer. As she walked away that final time, I shouted, "No, wait! I can change.”


Free Commercial Loan Software

C-Loans has just developed some brand new commercial loan software that is super-easy to use, even for a complete newbie to commercial real estate finance. You just fill in the blanks. You can then take your professional-looking commercial loan package and submit it to any lender in the country. This new commercial loan software is also 100% free.


Girlfriend’s Birthday Joke

My girlfriend isn’t talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday. I’m not sure how I did that – I didn’t even know it was her birthday.


Free Commercial Loan Leads

C-Loans.com, is our original portal. C-Loans.com has been phenomenally successful, boasting over 1,000 commercial loan closings totaling over $1 billion. We will list banks on C-Loans.com for free, and they will receive free leads by email, as well as calls and emails directly from borrowers.

If the bank closes a commercial loan, however, the bank owes to C-Loans.com a software licensing fee of between 25 to 50 bps (usually 37.5 bps.) In real life, all of our banks simply bump their normal loan fee from 1.0 points to 1.375 points, so C-Loans.com effectively costs the bank nothingPlease click here to get listed on C-Loans for free. (You must be a bona fide direct commercial lender servicing at least $20 million in commercial loans.)


Need a NMLS License? Need to Renew Your CE Hours?

This fun instructor makes these hours bearable.


Ugly Joke

I asked my Mom if I was ugly.  She said, "I told you not to call me Mom in front of people."


How C-Loans Actually Works

Think of C-Loans.com as a giant filter. We start with 750 participating commercial lenders. Every time you enter more information into the application - loan amount, property type, loan type, state, credit - dozens of lenders are filtered out. Upon completion, you are left with a list of 20 to 30 perfect lenders. You put a check mark next to six lenders at a time and press submit. Soon you are receiving quotes and offers. No good offers? Come back and submit to six more lenders, then six more, and so on. And C-Loans.com is free!


Breakage Joke

Beer Bottle:  If you break me, you get one year of bad luck.

Mirror:  Are you kiddin' me?  If you break me, you get seven years of bad luck.

Condom:  Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing.)


Use Cheddar Stacks to Get Commercial Loans

Imagine 19 business men and women, all working in industries centered around real estate. Each has an app on their cell phone that makes it easy to shoot each other leads. Folks, referral leads are worth THIRTY leads from advertising. Click here for more details.


Eyebrows Joke

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.  She seemed surprised.


- Today's Observation -

How To Use Marketing Leverage

This strong economy cannot continue forever. Sooner or later we are going to have a recession. When that recession finally hits, commercial real estate lenders are not going to want to talk about the "fair market value" of your commercial property. They will be fixated completely on cost.

By “cost”, they mean, “What did you pay for the property? How much did you put down?” The reason they will be zeroed in on cost is because very few commercial properties will be selling, and when commercial properties do sell during a recession, they sell at deep discounts to their former fair market values.


Your loan client buys an industrial building for $1 million. Four years later, the property has soared in value to $1.6 million. Then the recession hits, and your client’s $750,000 balloon payment comes due. Uh-oh. Because comparable sales are impossible to find, banks are going to base their valuations upon the purchase price - your client’s actual cost. To make matter worse, they will cut their loan-to-value ratios back to just 65%. Suddenly your client will have to come to the closing table with $100,000 in cash, just to refinance his $750,000 loan.

Moral of the story:

If your client has any balloon payments coming due in the next three years, he better get off his tush and refinance them now!


Ever Wonder What a C-Loans Application Looks Like?

Here's a sample loan application.


Raising the Baby Joke

I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby?  Because he's Jewish, and I'm Protestant... and the baby's father is Catholic.


Won't You Please-Please-Please Refer Us Your Commercial Mortgage Turndowns?

If you have to turn down a commercial loan this week, you would really be helping your customer if you referred him to CommercialMortgage.com. The domain name is easy to remember.


Get Four Training Courses for FREE

Are you desperate to learn commercial real estate finance, but you’re as poor as a church mouse? Get four training courses for free.


Paris Joke

A boy asks his Dad one day, "Dad, why is my sister called Paris?” His Dad replies, "Because she was conceived in Paris.” The boy says, “Oh, okay. Thanks, Dad.” His Dad says, "You're welcome, Backseat."  


Would You Mind a $21,250 Referral Fee?

We once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a website owner named Alan Dunn for referring us a $17 million deal. Please click here for details.


DMV Joke

I waited for a very long time for my number to be called at the Department of Motor Vehicles to renew my driver's license. As I approached the window, the clerk asked how she could help me. I replied, "I need to get a haircut, can you save me my spot?” She said, "Why didn't you get a haircut before you came here?” I replied, "I didn't need one before I got here!”


Learn Commercial Real Estate Finance

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It would be a lot easier to close your commercial deals if you actually knew the subject matter. Are you finally ready to learn the financial ratios and the advanced terminology of commercial real estate finance? Just $549.

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FREE Commercial Loan Brokerage Training

From an Industry Veteran and Attorney

The C-Loans Blog: info.c-loans.com

Every week we publish one or two new blog articles that train commercial brokers in commercial real estate finance. We try to have fun with it, including lots of funny pics. If you want access to this FREE training, subscribe to George's blog by clicking the button below.


Final Funny

An old woman walked up and tied her old mule to the hitching post. As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, “Hey, old woman, have you ever danced?"

The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, “No, I never did dance. Never really wanted to.” A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said “Well, you old bag, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old woman's feet. The old woman prospector -- not wanting to get her toe blown off -- started hopping around. Everybody was laughing.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air, and the crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds, too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched As the young gunman stared at the old woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old woman's hands, as she quietly said, “Son, have you ever kissed a mule's a$$?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, “No, Ma'am... but I've always wanted to."

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Tom Blackburne

General Manager

Have questions? Email me.