C-LOANS BANKER LETTER
This letter is intended only for commercial real estate loan officers working for banks and hard money lenders. Today we'll talk about how U.S. banks are poised to send the country into hyper-inflation.
And as always, we have lots of great jokes and funny pics, plus a funny video of a dance class being taught by toddlers.
Hey guys, if we make you chuckle today, won't you please-please-please refer a turndown this week to CommercialMortgage.com?
Joke Du Jour
Ron just got a brand new sports car. He was out for a drive, when he cut off a big, burly truck driver. The angry trucker forced Ron’s car to the side of the road, and then he demanded that Ron get out of the car. The scary truck driver then pulled out a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the road. He shoved Ron into the circle and threatened him with severe beating if Ron moved outside of the circle. Then he strode to Ron's new car and cut up the gorgeous leather seats with a knife.
When the truck driver turned around, Ron had a slight grin on his face. "Oh, you think that's funny?" the trucker asked, "Watch this." He got a baseball bat out of his truck and broke every window in the car. When he turned and looked again, Ron still had a smile on his face.
This drove the driver into a rage. He got his knife back out and sliced all the tires. Now Ron was outright laughing. The truck driver really started to lose it. He went back to his truck, pulled out a can of gas, poured it on the sports car, and then set it on fire.
When he turned around, Ron was laughing so hard he almost fell down. "What's so funny?” the truck driver demanded. Ron replied, "When you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle four times.”
Wow, That's Harsh
Ever Wonder What a C-Loans Application Looks Like?
Here's a sample commercial loan application.
Happiest Language Joke
"Researchers at the University of Vermont determined that the world's happiest language is Spanish. German finished fourth, which I find hard to believe. In German, even 'I love you' sounds like a threat.” — Jimmy Kimmel
Won't You Please-Please-Please Refer Us Your Commercial Mortgage Turndowns?
If you have to turn down a commercial loan this week, you would really be helping your customer if you referred him to CommercialMortgage.com. There are over 3,000 commercial lenders listed on this commercial lender search engine.
U.S. Banks Are About To Launch the Country Into Hyper-Inflation
It’s not the fault of any banker. A natural by-product of fractionated banking (the bank only has to keep 5% of your deposits on hand) is the multiplier effect. If the reserve requirement is 5%, the multiplier is 20:1. In other words, if a bank makes a $500 new loan, the money supply of the entire country increases by $2,000 - a whopping twenty times more.
Now the banks have gobs and gobs of extra reserves available, just begging to be used to make loans. In order to end the Great Recession, the Fed made sure that the banks had plenty of reserves. Until now, the banks have been too frightened to start lending like crazy.
Banks are plenty confident right now. The tax cuts have greased the economy, U.S. manufacturers are the most confident in their history, consumers are the most confident in 20 years or so, Trump is cutting regulations, the unemployment rate is only 4.1% and falling fast, the GDP is growing handsomely, and, apart from some trade war jitters, the stock market is booming. As the Fed allows its long-term bonds to mature without renewal, the yield curve is also now handsomely-shaped for bank profitability (long-term rates are higher than short-term rates).
And atop this big pile of Christmas presents, Congress will soon move on to infrastructure spending. Why not? Deficits no longer seen to matter. (Yikes!) What bank on earth wouldn’t want to make a few extra loans in this environment? Like I said, its not the fault of some evil bankers. Bankers just want to make some interest income. So remember, boys and girls, twenty-to-one! Can you say hyper-inflation?
Ocean Heating Joke
"A new study found that the amount of man-made heat that's absorbed by the ocean has doubled since 1997. The main source of that heat? That kid who's waist deep at the beach and has a weird smile on his face.” — Jimmy Fallon
Join C-Loans.com and Close Five More Loans Every Year, Decade After Decade
As a lender on C-Loans.com, you will receive carefully screened commercial loan applications directly to your email box. Each loan will be the right size, the right type (permanent, construction, bridge, etc.), on the right type of property, and in your exact lending area. And there will be a pretty good volume of them.
With one click you will see an Executive Loan Summary, with the debt service coverage ratio and loan-to-cost ratio already completed for you. Many Executive Summaries contain property pictures as well.
If you see a deal that you like, simply pick up the phone and call the borrower or broker directly, with no one else in your way.
Does it work? C-Loans lenders have closed more than 1,000 commercial real estate loans totaling over one billion dollars. One of our lenders (Trevor Cole Commercial) just closed its 50th loan for C-Loans. Two other have closed 40+ loans for C-Loans.
How much does it cost for your bank to be listed on C-Loans.com? You can pay a monthly fee to be listed on C-Loans.com (see further below), but nobody does that. All 750 of our banks choose to simply bump their normal loan fee up from 1 point to 1.375 points. When the loan closes, we send you an invoice for our software licensing fee. Click here for more details.
We were on our way to the hospital where our 16-year-old daughter was scheduled to undergo a tonsillectomy. During the ride we talked about how the procedure would be performed. "Dad," our teenager asked, "how are they going to keep my mouth open during the surgery?” Without hesitation he quipped, "They're going to give you a phone.”
We Just Can’t Win
Would You Please Refer Your Commercial Loan Turndowns to CommercialMortgage.com?
I apologize for the repeated begging, but C-Loans, Inc. is a tiny company - just an attorney dad, a couple of Eagle Scout sons, and nine hard-working co-workers.
We do have a couple of claims to fame. (1) We are just about the oldest surving hard money lender in the country - since 1980; and (2) C-Loans.com has closed over 1,000 commercial real estate loans. That's a lot of loans for a company that never got venture capital.
Because we are so small, your commercial loan referral means something to us. It will also greatly help your client because he will be able to search a database of over 3,000 commercial lenders.
Commercial Mortgage Dot Com - an easy domain name to remember. Thank you!
Air Conditioning Joke
In the office where I work, there is a constant battle between our technical-support director and customer-service personnel over the room temperature, which is usually too low. The frustrated director, trying to get us to understand his position, announced one afternoon, "We need to keep the temperature below seventy-five degrees or the computers will overheat.” Thinking that this was just another excuse, one of my shivering colleagues retorted, "Yeah right. So how did they keep the computers from overheating before there was air conditioning?”
Join CommercialMortgage.com For Free
Want to close a few more commercial loans? Your bank can now be listed on CommercialMortgage.com ("CMDC") for free.
"George, if CMDC is free to both banks and borrowers, how do you make any dough?"
Our hard money commercial mortgage company, Blackburne & Sons (est. 1980), works the subprime leads generated by the site. Basically your bank is our loss leader. Your low-rate loan programs are our dirt-cheap toilet paper that brings shoppers into the store. Ha-ha! If you close a loan, we make nothing.
Click here to list your bank on CMDC and receive totally FREE commercial real estate loan leads.
Suffer You Witch!
Bankers: Get 200 Free SBA Loan Applications
Does your bank want to close more SBA loans? C-Loans.com will give you two hundred SBA loan leads for free, deals that are perfect for your bank. These loans will be the right size. They will be located only in your favorite counties of your favorite states, and these SBA loans leads will be secured by just the type of commercial real estate that you prefer - office buildings, industrial buildings, etc.
Please click here for more information about how to receive 200 free SBA loan applications. The above offer is made only to commercial banks and credit unions.
40-Year Age Difference Joke
When I was a 20-something college co-ed, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed, with a wink, that he had once thought that more than friendship might be a possibility between us. "So what changed your mind?" I asked him. "I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, 'You're interested in someone who's 104?!’"
Is Your Boss Having Trouble With the Idea of a Software Company That Only Gets Paid When Deals Close?
C-Loans, Inc. is a software company. It cost us $2 million and 18 years to develop the software for C-Loans.com. We have all of the required licenses to be a commercial mortgage broker, but we're just not in that business. We license software. Period. We never even speak with these borrowers.
If your bank wants to license our software on a flat fee basis, just as it does with their accounting software, their customer relationship manager (CRM) software, and their SBA loan origination software, this option is available.
For banks with less than $2 billion in assets, the cost is just $250 per month. For banks with more than $2 billion in assets and less than $7 billion in assets, the cost is just $350 per month. For banks with more than $7 billion in assets and less than $15 billion in assets, the cost is just $500 per month. For banks with more than $15 billion in assets, the cost is just $1,000 per month. In all of these cases, the bank owes nothing more, even if it closes a loan.
Stationary Store Joke
A little boy had been pawing over a stationer's stock of greeting cards for some time when a clerk asked, "Just what is it you're looking for? A birthday greeting, message to a sick friend, anniversary or a congratulations to your mom and dad?” The boy shook his head and answered, "Got any like a blank report card?”
Oh, Won't You Please-Please-Please Refer Your Turndowns to CommercialMortgage.com?
If you have to turn down a bank customer's request for a commercial real estate loan this week, it will help him immensely if you would please suggest a place for him to look elsewhere. With over 3,000 listed commercial real estate lenders, CommercialMortgage.com is the place to send him. If none of our 3,000+ commercial lenders will finance his deal, then his request simply isn't do-able.
Gotta Read the Fine Print
Would You Mind a $21,250 Referral Fee?
We once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a website owner named Alan Dunn of Spydercube.com for referring us a $17 million deal.
We've made it super-easy to refer us commercial loans and to receive big referral fees. Please click here for details.
Video - Toddlers Leading the Zumba Class
As James Corden and Gwyneth Paltrow Follow Along - Funny
The following was overheard at a recent High Society party. "My ancestry goes back all the way to Alexander the Great," said Christine. She then turned to Miriam and asked, "How far back does your family go?” "I don't know," replied Miriam, "All of our records were lost in the Flood.”
One Final Pathetic Plea
If you won't let us pay you a referral fee, won't you please-please refer your commercial mortgage turndowns to CommercialMortgage.com? Thanks!