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C-LOANS BANKER LETTER

Volume 7: Issue 6 | Date: May 22, 2019

This letter is intended only for commercial real estate loan officers working for banks, credit unions, conduits, and hard money lenders. Today we’ll discuss how to clear dangerous gangsters out of your REO’s. We also have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and a hilarious video of bad ideas.

Hey guys, if we make you chuckle today, won't you please-please-please refer a turndown this week to CommercialMortgage.com? Seriously, guys, this searchable portal is free, and it contains thousands of commercial lenders. You really are doing them a favor.

Joke Du Jour

"I quit smoking pot. I quit because I saw this commercial on TV - you may have seen the same one. It's the one where this kid gets all his buddies together. They're gonna go in the basement, and they're gonna smoke some weed. So, he goes to get his marijuana out of his marijuana container, but there's no pot inside. There's just a note on a rolling paper. It says, 'We need to talk. Mom.' That's crazy, 'cause a very similar thing happened to me, but my note just said, 'I owe you a dime bag. Mom.’" — Jeremy Schachter

Why Aren't You Personally Investing in Our First Trust Deeds?

Blackburne & Sons Realty Capital Corporation has been selling 7% to 12% first trust deed investments for almost forty years. That’s longer than a great many banks have been in business.

Do you know a trust deed investor or an accredited investor who should be investing in first trust deeds? We’ll pay you a $250 referral fee the first time he invests. Go ahead and refer three or four different guys. Refer an investor here.

Free Commercial Leads

Handled properly, our carefully-filtered commercial leads cost your bank nothing. Simply bump your normal loan fee quote by 37.5 bps. Banks, credit unions, CMBS lenders, and life company correspondents pay just 25 bps. on loans over $5MM.

Off Drugs Joke

"Want your kids to stay off drugs? Simply show them pictures of what we used to wear in the 60's and 70’s. 'You see this shirt with the collar going all the way down to the elbow? This is what happens when you take drugs.’" — Anthony Griffith

Or Just Pay a Flat Fee of $1,000 Per Year (Not Per Month!)

This section should make you bridge lenders sit up and pay attention. There is no cheaper way for your hard money mortgage company to close more bridge loans than to buy leads and a listing on CommercialMortgage.com. You pay just $1,000 per YEAR (not per month!), and the designated loan officer will receive, on average, two to four commercial leads per week. Each lead will be exactly what your company wants to see - the right loan type (bridge loan or construction loan, etc.), the right loan amount, the right property type (apartment building or office building, etc.), in the right state, and with the right credit score.

Click HERE for details.

Bully Joke

"I wouldn't go to school. I thought all the kids at school were going to beat me up, which is absurd. They couldn't all beat me up - someone had to hold me down." — Eric Kornfield

- Today's Observation -

How to Clear Out Dangerous Gangsters From Your REO

I have an investor buddy who has made many, many millions of dollars by buying up distressed apartment buildings in low-income, high-crime, and high-drug-use areas.

When he buys these buildings, they are largely vacant, dilapidated, and infested with gangsters. So I asked him yesterday how he clears out the gangsters. These guys have guns, and they have drug and prostitution businesses to protect. One gang in one in one of his buildings even had the address of his building tattooed on their upper arms.

Think about it. How large of a private army would it take to clear one of these buildings? After all, these gangsters have guns, and they are not afraid to use them.

So how many gunshots did it take to clear out the worst of his buildings? Not a single gunshot. Not a single swing of a billy club. Here is how he did it:

He put a fence around the entire building, thereby creating just one entrance. Then he hired after-hours policemen to man the entrance. These police guards visibly took pictures of every person entering the apartment complex. They also required that every person produce a photo ID. The names and license numbers were visibly written into a large journal.

Now ask yourself. If you were a young college student wishing to buy drugs, would you run this gauntlet? Of course not! Soon the gangsters had no customers, and they were forced to move out. Haha!

Click here for free training in commercial real estate finance.

Butt-Kicking Joke

"One time, I got beat up by a kid named Jesus. And when you're seven, you can't tell the difference between Jesus, a typical Puerto Rican name in your neighborhood, and Jesus, the actual savior. So I was walking around all confused -- you know, guilty. What had I done that the Lord would send his only begotten son down to Brooklyn to kick my (butt)?" — Billy Santiago

More on Our Free Commercial Loan Leads

It’s important that you guys don’t get confused here. C-Loans, Inc. owns TWO different commercial mortgage portals that actually compete against each other. I often joke that it is my dream is to own every horse in the Kentucky Derby. Haha!

We’ve already talked about CommercialMortgage.com (“CMDC”) above. CMDC is our latest portal, and it uses an advertising model. A bank pays $1,000 per year to be listed on CMDC and to receive leads, and if the bank closes a deal, the bank does NOT owe C-Loans, Inc. even one penny.

Our second portal, C-Loans.com, is our original portal. C-Loans.com has been phenomenally successful, boasting over 1,000 commercial loan closings totaling over $1 billion. We will list banks on C-Loans.com for free, and they will receive free leads by email, as well as calls and emails directly from borrowers.

If the bank closes a commercial loan, however, the bank owes to C-Loans.com a software licensing fee of between 25 to 50 bps (usually 37.5 bps.) In real life, all of our banks simply bump their normal loan fee from 1.0 points to 1.375 points, so C-Loans.com effectively costs the bank nothing. Please click here to get listed on C-Loans for free. (You must be a bona fide direct commercial lender servicing at least $20 million in commercial loans.)

Hips Joke

"I never had hips. It's because I don't have kids. Everybody tells me that once I have a kid, I'll grow some hips. That's cool, but what do you do with the kid?” — Retha Jones

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Responsibility Joke

"Having a baby is a huge responsibility. It's like a five-year commitment." — Chelsea Handler

Won't You Please-Please-Please Refer Us Your Commercial Mortgage Turndowns?

If you have to turn down a commercial loan this week, you would really be helping your customer if you referred him to CommercialMortgage.com. The domain name is easy to remember.

Newborn Joke

"If you're a guy and you've never seen a newborn child, let me tell you now, it's the miracle of life. Nothing more precious, nothing more delicate, nothing quite as ugly as a newborn child. They got no hair, they got no teeth -- they're like aliens.” -- Louis Ramey

Ever Wonder What a C-Loans Application Looks Like?

Here's a sample loan application.

French Joke

"I don't speak French, but I took it for five years growing up. So, if I was in a situation where I had to, it would be like, 'Excuse me, pineapple dog house red, what time is it library?' -- no problem." — Eugene Mirman

Get Four Training Courses for FREE

Are you desperate to learn commercial real estate finance, but you’re as poor as a church mouse? Get four training courses for free.

Noah Joke (Cute One For the Kids)

Q. What lights did Noah use on his ark?

A. Flood lights, of course.

Would You Mind a $21,250 Referral Fee?

We once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a website owner named Alan Dunn for referring us a $17 million deal. Please click here for details.

Video - Here's a Compilation of Bad Ideas!

FREE Commercial Real Estate Finance Training

From an Industry Veteran and Attorney

The C-Loans Blog: info.c-loans.com

Every week we publish one or two new blog articles that train commercial brokers in commercial real estate finance. We try to have fun with it, including lots of funny pics. If you want access to this FREE training, subscribe to George's blog by clicking the button below.

Want FREE Training? Click HERE.

Final Funny

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!"

Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad.

Later that evening, as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.

Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"