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Volume 10: Issue 1 | Date: January 21, 2020

COMMERCIAL LENDING NEWSLETTER

You are receiving this letter because you are one of my Spartans - my top-producing brokers and investor clients - of whom I am allowed to have 300. Removal instructions are below. Today we’ll discuss how to add a profile center to your real estate website - a convenience store for your gas station - in just 97 seconds.  We also have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and a hilarious, five-second video of a little pug being violated. 

Joke Du Jour

It’s been raining for days now, and my husband seems unusually depressed by it. He keeps standing by the window, staring. If it continues, I’m going to have to let him in.

IQ Joke

My boyfriend isn't the brightest bulb. One day, when he was being particularly dimwitted, I asked in frustration, "What's your IQ anyway?!” He shot back defiantly, "20/20!”

Still Making Nationwide Permanent Loans From $100K to $1.5M

Click HERE to Apply Now!

Do you need a commercial lender who will actually lend up to 75% LTV? Blackburne & Sons has decided to compete against banks by offering a higher LTV.

Do you need a lender who will also look at the borrower's global income - income from salaries, other investments, etc.? Do you need a lender who will allow the seller to carry back a second mortgage?

Does your client have a balloon payment coming due on his commercial property? Has your bank offered him a discounted pay-off? Does your borrower have less-than-stellar credit?Is your client's company losing money? Is your borrower a foreign national?Do you need a non-recourse loan?

Do you need a commercial loan with no prepayment penalty? Is your client's commercial property partially vacant? Do all of your commercial leases run out in the next 18 months? Do you need a lender who will allow a negative cash flow? Do you need a loan against a portfolio of rental houses?

And don't forget, we will quickly and happily issue you a written Loan Approval Letter - at no charge - that you can use as a fallback and to lure cheaper lenders. After all, everyone wants to lend to you if you already have a commitment. Here is our latest rate sheet.

Blackburne & Sons is looking for commercial real estate loans that are not quite clean enough for a bank. Please click here to submit a hard money commercial loan or call me, George IV, at (916) 338-3232 Ext. 314.

S.W.A.T. Joke

First day as a police officer… Captain: "Why did you call for back up?"

Me: "There was a fly in my car."

S.W.A.T. Team Leader: "What exactly do you think we do?”

Gloria Gaynor Joke

The doorbell rang. There was a little kid standing there, dressed as Gloria Gaynor. At first I was afraid, then I was petrified!

Business Purpose Rental Home Loans in Most States

Click HERE to Apply Now!

Please pay special attention to the following: Unlike other hard money brokers, Blackburne & Sons Realty Capital Corporation makes home loans with a 15-year term (30-year amortization), and there is NO prepayment penalty. Our competitors make just three-year or five-year bridge loans. Our loans are clearly better because you may want to hold the property. These loans are sometimes known as buy-to-rent loans.

Historically, Blackburne & Sons was mostly a commercial lender. This has now changed. We are aggressively aggressively seeking non-owner occupied home loans. We have already closed loans in the following states, and our attorney can quickly research your state to verify that we can lend there. Unfortunately, in a handful of states, an NMLS license is not enough.

Peas Joke

A guy goes to see the doctor for his aching shoulder problem. The doctor said, "Okay, it is a bit inflamed. What I want you to do is put a bag of frozen peas on it, on and off for a week.” “Will the peas work?" the guy asked. The doctor replies, "Yes, just give peas a chance."

Submit Your “A” Quality Commercial Loans Using C-Loans

You old veterans know that commercial lenders are incredibly fickle. One moment a bank loves self storage loans, and the next moment - usually after taking a loss - it wouldn't touch a self storage facility loan with a ten-foot pole.  C-Loans.com is a commercial mortgage portal that was designed with commercial lender fickleness in mind. You fill out one mini-app, and then you can submit your commercial loan application to bank after bank, six at a time, until you find a bank hungry to make a commercial loan today. Mortgage brokers like you have closed over 1,000 commercial real estate loans totaling over $1 billion, so C-Loans clearly works. And C-Loans.com is free!

Mummy Case Joke

Two young children stood in front of a mummy case in the museum. On the bottom of the mummy case they noticed ”1286 B.C.”. ”What does that number mean?” asked the first one. The second one thought a moment and said, ”That must be the license plate of the car that hit him.”

Free Commercial Loan Placement Kit

Includes a list of 200 commercial lenders and a short (5 minutes), superb video on structured finance (mezzanine loans, preferred equity, and venture equity). Go here.

Beyonce Joke

Me: "I think I have a crush on Beyoncé..."

Her: "Whatever floats your boat."

Me: "No, that’s buoyancy.”

Learn Commercial Real Estate Finance - 9 Hour Video Training Course

Reward Joke

A lady lost her handbag at the mall. An honest young lad found it and returned it to her. Looking in her purse, she said, "Hmm, that's funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills.” The boy replied, "That IS funny. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward.”

It's the Loan Servicing Income, Folks

No one ever listens to me. Please pay attention! The money in the mortgage industry is in loan servicing fees, and servicing loans is easy. For your first 50 deals, you can just hire a sub-servicing company for $40 per loan per month. I charge my investors $1,583 per month (!!!) for servicing a one-million dollar loan. $1,580 per month minus $40 equals...

The loan servicing portfolio for Blackburne & Sons just broke $53 million this quarter. Since our average loan servicing fee is two percent annually, that means we earn over $1 million per year for servicing just 250 loans. How would you like to walk in the door on the first of each month knowing that you will earn at least $83,000? Four-hour video course. Find your own private mortgage investors.

Magnets Joke

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?” A little boy in the front row said, "You're a mother.”

Buy Both Training Courses for Just $849

Click here for more information, or to order, please contact Tom Blackburne at 574-210-6686.

Prostate Joke

"A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy, but they prefer to watch you die.” — Conan O’Brien 

The Blackburne List - Freshly Updated in 2019

The Blackburne List is a list of over 2,500 commercial lenders located nationwide. It is available for purchase for just $79.95. Is money tight? You can also buy one of our three Regional Lists (750+ lenders) for just $39.95.

Have You Been Screwed Out of a Big Loan Fee Yet?

Whenever someone boasts of being a good horseman, I always ask him, “Have you ever been thrown?” The correct answer is, “Many, many times”. There is an old saying, “If you ain’t been thrown, you ain't ridden very much.”

The same is unfortunately true of commercial mortgage brokerage. You will screwed out of a loan fee of $10,000 or more at least twice per year for your entire career. Now I am NOT talking about the borrower closing the loan and not paying you. That rarely happens. What these dastardly borrowers do is lie to you or cancel on you. 

You would be a flipping idiot not to pay a lousy $199 for my ninety-minute video training course, Fee Collection For Commercial Mortgage Brokers. It includes my famous fee agreement. Go ahead and ignore this section. You will cry, I absolutely guarantee you. 

Now available online!

Very Cold Joke

I was asking my friend at what point did Celsius and Fahrenheit become the same. One of my other buddies quickly chimed in, "-40 degrees…” Impressed, I said, "I didn't know you were so knowledgeable in weather science.” "I'm not," he said. "But I have been to Minnesota.”

Commercial Mortgage Marketing Course

Need commercial mortgage leads? This Commercial Mortgage Marketing Course will teach you how to turn on a flow of commercial leads as easily as turning on a spigot.

Now available online!

Surprising Santa Joke

I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son to begin having doubts about Santa Claus. Sure enough, one day he said, "Mom, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.” Taking a deep breath, I asked him, "What is that?” He replied, "They're all nocturnal.”

Too Busy to Broker Commercial Loans to Us? Refer Them Instead!

We once paid a $21,250 referral fee. Here is our referral fee program.

Happily Divorced Joke

Trying to disguise his voice, Carl calls his ex-wife and asks to speak to himself. Jody, his former wife says, "Carl, look, we are not married anymore -- quit bothering me!” The next day, Carl calls again, resulting in the same sequence of events. The following day though when he calls, his ex-wife says, "Listen. I told you we're divorced, split, it's over -- period! We're divorced. Why do you keep calling here?” “Well, Jody, it's just that I can't hear that often enough.”

Wedding Date Joke

One of my customers at the department of motor vehicles wanted a personalized license plate with his wedding anniversary on it. As we completed the paperwork he explained, "This way I can't forget the date.” A few hours later, I recognized the same young man waiting in my line. When his turn came, he said somewhat sheepishly, "I need to change the numbers on that plate application.”

Builders at Work Joke

Artist: "This is my very latest painting. I call it 'Builders at Work'... it's very realistic."

Friend: "But they really aren't at work."

Artist: "Of course, that's the realism.”

Trade One Banker For ONE of the Following Freebies

Jellyfish Joke

Jellyfish have existed for 500 million years - surviving just fine without brains and providing hope to a great many people.

Video - "I've Been Violated" (Just Three Seconds)

You young kids won't remember the version of

Doctor Dolittle, with Eddie Murphy.

Final Funny

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the reason, Dad. Stacy is pregnant. She said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and she has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it.

Don't worry, Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's on the kitchen table. Please call when it is safe for me to come home.

Members of the Blackburne Family of Companies

4811 Chippendale Drive, Suite 101

Sacramento, CA 95841

P: (916) 338-3232

F: (916) 338-2328

CA DRE #00829677 // NMLS #103430