You are receiving this letter because you are a commercial mortgage broker client of either Blackburne & Sons or C-Loans, Inc. Removal instructions are below. Today we'll talk about the special difficulties of financing broken condo's. And as always, we have lots of great jokes, funny pics, and a clever video of a woman with a nail in her head.

Joke Du Jour

A big shot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him.

She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor comes into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Well, no. I guess I haven't. Not with a carnation anyway."

Fake News is NOT a Recent Invention

Have you been watching Homeland? The theme this year is that a cabal of intelligence operatives is trying to force a pacifist President-Elect to resign. They are using a huge boiler room of hackers to plant fake and damaging news stories throughout social media. I find this storyline to be absolutely terrifying because it is so do-able.

Place Your Commercial Loans With C-Loans.com

New banks have been sigining up to join C-Loans.com in droves over the past four months. These guys have been joining C-Loans without a salesperson from C-Loans, Inc. calling on them. They are ravenous for commercial loans, so they sought us out and filled out all of the paperwork to join. It feels like an Oklahoma land rush.

Last year C-Loans.com closed an $18.5 million commercial construction loan. The broker who used C-Loans earned a $92,500 commission.

C-Loans.com is a commercial mortgage portal where you can enter a commercial loan in just four minutes and then submit it to hundreds of different commercial lenders with one click. And C-Loans is free!

Pregnancy Joke

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Submit Your Commercial Mortgage App Today

Blackburne & Sons continues to seek slightly-flawed first mortgages between $100,000 to $3.5 million on standing commercial properties nationwide. We have tons of money right now, so we can do some of the larger loans that in the past were too large for us. We will now even consider land loans.

One unusual loan product that we offer is our blanket loan against a portfolio of rental homes. We will also hypothecate notes and buy commercial loans at a discount.

Please be sure to bookmark our commercial mortgage rate sheet right now. To apply for a private money commercial loan from Blackburne & Sons, please find your favorite loan officer below:

Alicia Gandy: 916-338-3232
To apply to Alicia online, please click here.

George Blackburne IV: 916-338-3232
To apply to George IV online, please click here.

Tom Blackburne: 574-210-6686
To apply to Tom online, please click here.

Fallen Horse Joke

Q: What did the horse say when he tripped?
A: “Help, I’ve fallen, and I can’t giddy-up.”

Some Nights, When I Drink Too Much, I Paint Myself With Stripes Before Seeing the Wife

Here's the Problem With Broken Condo's

A broken condo is a residential project that fails to sell out. For example, a developer builds a 40-unit residential condo project, but only 8 of the 40 units sell out. The rest of the units get rented out as apartment units.

I had heard that financing broken condo's can be tricky, so I asked my mentor, Bill Owens of Owens Realty Mortgage (NYSE REIT) why lenders are so freaky-deaky about broken condo's. Here is Bill's reply:

Broken condo loans, if you foreclose, you are required to pay the HOA dues, and they usually have reserves that exceed what a prudent apartment owner would keep on hand.  This impacts your cash flow.

It is very difficult to finance a broken condo project unless you own 90% of the units.  So any buyer is a cash buyer, who will want a discount.

You have to manage the HOA or they will ruin your life. If there are construction defects, you are in a lawsuit with the developer.

Selling a lot of individual condos is a pain.  Figure a big sales and marketing cost.  Unless you sell units to tenants, you have to have them vacant and fixed up.  This is an expense.

I would probably not lend more than 75% of what they are worth as apartments and maybe 55 to 60% as condos.

Thanks, Bill! Notwithstanding his warnings, we here at Blackburne & Sons like broken condo's because the units are usually much younger and prettier than our typical properties.

Escaping an Anaconda's Grip

This following is true. It details what to do if an anaconda attacks you. This excerpt is from the US Government Peace Corps Manual for volunteers working in the Amazon Jungle. Related to the boa constrictor, the anaconda is the largest snake species in the world. It grows to thirty-five feet in length and weighs 300 to 400 pounds.

1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run. The snake is faster than you are.

2. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight against your sides, your legs tight against one another. (I guess if you resist and move, the snake will constrict and break dozens of your bones.)

3. Tuck your chin in. 4. The snake will begin to nudge and climb over your body. 5. Do not panic.

6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin to swallow you from the feet end - always from the feet end. Permit the snake to swallow your feet and ankles. Do not panic! (Easy for you to say, Bucko!)

7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into its body. You must lie perfectly still. This will take a long time.

8. When the snake has reached your knees, slowly and with as little movement as possible, reach down, take your knife and very gently slide it into the side of the snake's mouth between the edge of its mouth and your leg, then suddenly rip upwards, severing the snake's head.

9. Be sure you have your knife. 10. Be sure your knife is sharp.

Sign me up for the Peace Corp right now!

Small Balance Preferred Equity "Loans"

Do you really understand preferred equity? This free whitepaper will help you to truly understand it. It's written in easy-to-understand layman's language.

You'll use preferred equity in three common scenarios. (1) You have an investor buying a non-owner-user commercial-investment property. The bank refuses to make a first mortgage larger than 60% LTV. The buyer only wants to put down 25%. We'll cover the gap. (2) Your client has a balloon payment coming due, but he can't qualify for a new first mortgage large enough to pay off the old first mortgage. We'll cover the gap. (3) Your client wants to buy out an impossible partner. We'll provide the capital to buy him out.

Got a potential preferred equity deal? Call your favorite B&S loan officer:

George Blackburne IV: 916-338-3232
To apply to George IV online, please click here.

Tom Blackburne: 574-210-6686
To apply to Tom online, please click here.

Alicia Gandy: 916-338-3232
To apply to Alicia online, please click here.

Isn't It Ironic, Don't 'Ya Think? A Little Too Ironic, I Really Do Think.

Free Written Directory of 750 (or Even 2,500) Commercial Lenders

Please notice I said 750 commercial lenders, not just 200. Imagine if you had scores and scores of commercial lenders for every deal. And did I mention it was free? To get your free list.

One Final Pregnancy Joke

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

One-Point Commercial Bridge Loans

Please don't forget about Blackburne & Sons' one-point bridge loan product for commercial properties:

Interest Rate: 9.9% to 12.9%
Loan Fee: 1 point + $950 (nothing up-front)
Term: Six months
Prepayment Penalty: None
Maximum Loan-to-Value Ratio: 65% (70% on purchases)
Properties: Multifamily (5+ units), Commercial, and Industrial

Grams Joke

Working for a Judge in a common pleas court, I saw many criminal defendants. One man facing drug charges proved unusually helpful. To determine the exact quantity of the illegal substance allegedly sold, the judge asked the prosecutor how many grams there are in an ounce. As both attorneys checked their notes, the defendant, who had not yet entered his plea, proudly announced, "There are 28.3 grams in an ounce, your honor." Oops! His attorney advised him to plead guilty.

Business Loans Not Secured By Real Estate

I'm talking here about unsecured business loans, equipment loans, leases, inventory loans, factoring, accounts receivable financing, asset-backed lines of credit, etc.

The reason you want to get into the business of brokering business loans is because such loans close in 10 to 14 days, NOT three months.

C-Loans.com is now offering business financing. Please click here if you are trying to pace a business loan not secured by real estate.

Texan in London Joke

A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London and was in a hurry. As they went by the Tower of London, the cab driver explained what it was and that construction on it started in 1346 and was completed in 1412. The Texan replied, "Shoot, a little ol' tower like that? In Houston, we'd have that thing up in two weeks!" Next they passed the House of Parliament - started in 1544 and completed in 1618. "Well boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas, and it only took a year!" As they passed Westminister Abbey the cab driver was silent. "Whoah! What's that over there?" asked the Texan. The driver replied, "I don't know. It wasn't there yesterday."

We're Now Making Business Purpose Rental Home Loans in Other States Too

For the past 36 years Blackburne & Sons has exclusively been a commercial lender. That has now changed. We are aggressively seeking non-owner-occupied home loans in California and now a few other states.

In addition to California, Blackburne & Sons will now consider non-owner-occupied home loans in the following additional states, as long as the purpose of the loan is for business:

1. Florida
2. Ohio
3. Indiana
4. Georgia
5. Washington
6. Arizona

Because of licensing issues, we cannot make home loans in any other state; but we will make individual commercial loans or blanket residential loans (5+ houses) nationwide.

Got a nationwide commercial deal or a business purpose, non-owner-occupied residential deal in California or one of the above states? Please call your loan officer:

Tom Blackburne at 574-210-6686
NMLS # 1014118

George Blackburne IV at 916-338-3232
NMLS # 382122

Alicia Gandy at 916-338-3232
NMLS # 389678

Cigarette Joke (PG-13)

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. The second lady asked, “What's that?” The smoking lady relies, “A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.” The fascinated lady asks, “Where did you get it?” The smoking lady replies, “You can get them at any drugstore." The next day the fascinated old lady hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely - she is, after all, over 80-years-old - but very delicately asks what brand she prefers. “Doesn't matter, son, as long as it fits a camel."

Nine-Hour Video Course on How to Broker Commercial Mortgage Loans

Important note: This nine-hour video course now also includes my $399 audio course on Intermediate Commercial Real Estate Finance - all for the same $549 cost. This 9-hour video course is my bread-and-butter course that teaches you how to market for commercial loans, how to underwrite them (the ratios), how to place them, and how to collect your fee. Thousands of very happy commercial mortgage brokers have taken this course. Details.

Ludicrous

"YouTube temporarily pulled a New York zoo's live stream of a giraffe giving birth. A zoo spokesman said that their YouTube cam had been reported as containing nude content. All animals are nude! Every one of them is nude, except for your neighbor's dog who has to wear those stupid dog outfits that he clearly hates." -- James Corden

Great Apartment Loan Program

You're probably used to thinking of Blackburne & Sons as a subprime commercial lender, but since our acquisition of CommercialMortgage.com (I paid more than a house), some of the nation's largest commercial mortgage investors are giving us wonderful opportunities. Please be sure to check out our great new apartment program.

To apply for an apartment loan from Blackburne & Sons, please find your favorite loan officer below:

Tom Blackburne: 574-210-6686
To apply to Tom online, please click here.

Alicia Gandy: 916-338-3232
To apply to Alicia online, please click here.

George Blackburne IV: 916-338-3232
To apply to George IV online, please click here.

Video of a Woman With a Nail in Her Head

It's not about the nail.

Earn Big Referral Fees. We've Made It Really Easy.

Blackburne & Sons will pay you a referral fee of 20% of our loan fee, just for providing us with the name and the phone number of a prospective commercial mortgage borrower. We once paid a referral fee of $21,250 to a guy named Alan Dunn.

Just click here to refer us a commercial loan.

Final Funny (R)

Q: What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is using a feather... kinky is using the whole chicken!

Buy Commercial Leads

You can buy commercial leads from C-Loans for just $1 to $9, plus 37.5 bps. when the deal closes.

Here's the most important reason why you want to buy leads from C-Loans. Once you close five loans for us, we will list you on our Suggested Lender List as a Proven Broker. If you ever achieve this distinction, the rest of your career will be a breeze. Three or four perfect commercial leads will appear in your email box daily until you retire.

Get a Free e-Book on CREF

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