C-LOANS BANKER LETTER
This letter is intended only for commercial mortgage loan officers working for banks and hard money lenders. Today we're going to talk about how your bank could enjoy a sizable increase in commercial loan closings by merely making a small accounting tweak.
And of course, because this is C-Loans (the jokesters), we have lots
of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and a sweet video of a little fox cub being rescued.
Hey guys, if we make you chuckle today, won't you please-please-please refer a turndown this week to CommercialMortgage.com?
Joke Du Jour
Once upon a time, there was a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z (a super-hot car back in the day) was the car to get.
The snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted '240-S'. The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?" The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."
Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car re- painted for a small fee.The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say, "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"
When My Pretty Wife and I Walk Our Three Dogs, Guess Who Carries the Poop?
Please insert Aliens Pic here
How To Greatly Increase Your Commercial Loan Production By Making a Tiny Accounting Tweak
I am an attorney and the owner of one of the oldest commercial mortgage companies in the country. What I am about to suggest is not some crazy, new-fangled idea. It is something that we have already been doing with our own private investors for over 37 years.
We are a small firm, but every month we receive $90,000 ($1,080,000 annually) in residual income from loans arranged in the past. Considering that we are just a dad, two adult sons, and ten more employees, that's one heck of a safety net, huh?
The next thing you need to know is that the Blackburne family also owns C-Loans.com, arguably the LendingTree or E-Loan of commercial real estate finance. We also own the trending new commercial mortgage portal, CommercialMortgage.com. I paid $100,000 just for that domain name. Worth it! My point is that we see an immense number of commercial loan applications every single day.
Stay with me here. This going to be huge for you. The last thing you need to know is that commercial mortgage borrowers are irrational about their avoidance of loan points. It is far easier to sell a 5.625% loan at one point than it is to sell a 5.0% loan at 2 points. Crazy, huh? I have made many hundreds of thousands of dollars because of my understanding of this concept.
Okay, so how do you and your bank profit from this? Simply increase your current interest rate by 0.625% and pay us that interest rate spread. In return, you get to close several more commercial loans every month.
I am not talking about a yield-spread premium. I don't need points. In the long run, I make more from this interest rate spread than just two or three points up-front. What happens if the loan pays off or defaults? Well, then I'm toast. :-) Therefore there is no need to add a big prepayment penalty that will scare off borrowers.
You need to remember that my two big commercial mortgage portals bring us 15 to 25 commercial loan applicants every single day.
Interested in looking at our one-page Contingent Premium Agreement? Just write to me, George Blackburne III, and insert in the Subject Line, "Contingent Premium Agreement".
Scale Joke
"Darn!" the man said to his friend while weighing himself at the local drug store scale. "I started on a new diet, but the scale says I'm heavier than I was before." Turning to his friend, he said, "Here, hold my jacket." The scale still indicated that he had not lost any weight. "OK," he said to his friend. "Hold my Twinkies."
Join CommercialMortgage.com For Free
Want to close a few commercial loans? Your bank can now be listed on CommercialMortgage.com ("CMDC") for free.
Guys, this really is totally free with absolutely no strings attached. Geesch, banks can be soooo freaky deaky. Hellooooo? Your bank's listing on CMDC is free!
"George,
if CMDC is free to both banks and borrowers, how do you make any
dough?"
Our hard money commercial mortgage company, Blackburne & Sons (est. 1980), works the subprime leads generated by the site. Basically your bank is our loss leader. Your loan programs are our dirt-cheap toilet paper that brings shoppers to the store. If you close a loan, we make nothing.
By the way, did any of you catch the fact that in order to have survived since 1980, we had to survive three commercial real estate crashes of 45%?
Before you feel sorry for us for giving away free advertising to banks, please consider the fact that we currently enjoy $90,000 per month in loan servicing income from just the 200 hard money commerial loans that we service, whether we close a new commercial loan this month or not. So don't feel sorry for us. Take advantage of these free commercial loan leads!
Click here to list your bank on CMDC and receive totally FREE commercial real estate loan leads.
Operation Joke
I hate the idea of going under the knife, so I was very upset when the doctor told me I needed a tonsillectomy. Later, the nurse and I were filling out an admission form. I tried to respond to the questions, but I was so nervous I couldn't speak.
The nurse patted my hand and said, "Don't worry. This medical problem can easily be fixed, and it's not a dangerous procedure." "You're right. I'm being silly," I said. "Please continue." "Good," the nurse went on. "Now, do you have a living will?"
Ever Wonder What a C-Loans Application Looks Like?
Here's a sample commercial loan application.
Glasses Joke
I believe my daughter wants a pair of glasses. I don't know why she does. Perhaps glasses are now "cool" to have in school? Although she sees just fine, she still says she needs glasses.
I took her to the eye doctor just to check it out though. She was asked to read the bottom row of letters on the eye chart. She said, "All right, I can see the 'O' and the 'P' and the 'T,' but not the 'N' and the 'Z.'"
Would You Please Refer Your Commercial Loan Turndowns to Either CommercialMortgage.com or C-Loans.com?
If you have to turn down a commercial real estate loan this week, would you kindly refer the borrower to either CommercialMortgage.com (probably an easier web site name to remember) or C-Loans.com?
CommercialMortgage.com sure better be easier to remember! We paid $100,000 just for that domain name.
If none of our 4,000 different commercial lenders can help him, the deal
probably isn't do-able. Thanks so much!
Gray Hair Joke
This lovely young mother tells the story: I was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive to any signs of my advancing age. When I found a prominent gray hair in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead. "Have you seen this?" I indignantly asked my husband. "What?" he asked. "The wrinkles?"
My Sweet Wife Insists on Feeding the Local Feral Cats. Our Five Fat Cats Soon Develop Friendships With the Local 'Coons and 'Possums"
Please insert Raccoon pic here
Getting Hungry For Commercial Loans Again?
As a lender,
should you join C-Loans.com or the faster, easier portal,
CommercialMortgage.com? It depends. If you'd like to close an extra
couple of commercial loans every year, you should probably just join CommercialMortgage.com.
If you are serious about expanding your commercial lending division, however, you should definitely join C-Loans.com. You will get far more applications.
Tracks Joke
Two blondes were walking through the woods when they came to some tracks. The first blonde said, "These look like deer tracks." And the other one said, "No, they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued until the train hit them.
Bankers: Get 200 Free SBA Loan Applications
Does your bank want to close more SBA loans? C-Loans.com will give you two hundred SBA loan leads for free,
deals that are perfect for your bank. These loans will be the right
size. They will be located only in your favorite counties of your
favorite states, and these SBA loans leads will be secured by just the
type of commercial real estate that you prefer - office buildings,
industrial buildings, etc.
Please click here for more information about how to receive 200 free SBA loan applications. The above offer is made only to commercial banks and credit unions.
What
if you don't work for a bank or credit union, but your commercial
mortgage company services more than $20 million in commercial real
estate loans? We have a fine program for you too. Please call Tom Blackburne at (574) 210-6686 or click here for more details.
Football Doesn't Scramble Your Brains At All
In the words of NC State football great Charles Shackelford, "I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."
Join C-Loans For a Flat Fee
Is your boss having trouble with the idea of a software company that only gets paid when deals close? If so, just license our software on a flat fee basis.
For
banks with less than $2 billion in assets, the cost is just $250 per
month.
For
banks with more than $2 billion in assets and less than $7 billion in
assets, the cost is just $350 per month.
For
banks with more than $7 billion in assets and less than $15 billion in
assets, the cost is just $500 per month.
For
banks with more than $15 billion in assets, the cost is just $1,000 per
month.
Important note: In all of these cases, the bank owes nothing more, even if it closes a loan. To join C-Loans using our new flat-fee program, please email Tom Blackburne, General Manager, or call him at 574-210-6686.
Grades Joke
Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounted what he told a player who received four F's and one D, "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."
Referring Your Turndowns to C-Loans.com (or CommercialMortgage.com) Gives Your Customers a Good Place to Look
If
you have to turn down a bank customer's request for a commercial loan,
it will help him if you could suggest a place for him to look elsewhere.
With 750 different commercial real estate lenders participating on C-Loans.com, if your customer can't qualify for a commercial mortgage from us, he probably won't qualify anywhere. Thank you so much!
Mass Hysteria Joke
A professor of clinical psychology at Victoria University in Wellington, New Zealand, included a lecture on crowd psychology in his annual course. To illustrate mass hysteria, he regularly showed TV news footage of teenage crowds greeting the Beatles at the local airport in the 1960's. One year, when he ran the footage, he heard squeals and bursts of laughter from his students. When the film ended he asked what had caused the hilarity. Replied one student, "We recognized some of our mothers!"
To Those Idiots Who Want Their Loving Wives To Get Plastic Surgery...
Please insert Plastic Surgery Pic here.
Would You Mind a $21,250 Referral Fee?
We
once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a website owner named Alan Dunn of
Spydercube.com for referring us a $17 million deal.
We've made it super-easy to refer us commercial loans and to receive big referral fees. Please click here for details.
Video - Five Short But Cool Fishing Clips
Includes locals catching fish in the bone, dry desert.
Join CommercialMortgage.com For Free
Want to close a few commercial loans? Your bank can now be listed on CommercialMortgage.com ("CMDC") for free. Guys, this really is totally free with absolutely no strings attached.
Click here to list your bank on CMDC and receive totally free commercial real estate loan leads.
Final Funny (R)
Today marks the 35th anniversary of the death of Sir Douglas Bader, and I couldn't let it pass without this story about the Royal Air Force hero. He was giving a talk at an upmarket girls' school about his time as a pilot in the Second World War. "So there were two of the f***ers behind me, three f***ers to my right, and another f***er on the left," he told the audience.
The headmistress went pale and interjected, "Ladies, the Fokker was a German aircraft." Sir Douglas replied, "That is true, madam, but these f***ers were in Messerschmitts."
One Final Pathetic Plea
If you won't let us pay you a referral fee, won't you please-please refer your commercial mortgage turndowns to either C-Loans.com or to CommercialMortgage.com? Thanks!
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