C-LOANS BANKER LETTER
This letter is intended only for commercial mortgage loan officers working for banks and hard money lenders. Today we'll have a serious conversation about helicopter money. Has it come to this? No way! Yes, way. And, of course, because this is C-Loans (the jokesters), we have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and a video update on the surfer girl who lost an arm to a tiger shark.
Joke Du Jour
Our 15-year-old daughter, Melanie, had to write a report for school about World War II, specifically D-Day and the invasion of Normandy. "Isn't there a movie about that?" she asked. I told her there was, but I couldn't think of the name. Then it came to her, "Oh, I remember! Isn't it something like 'Finding Private Nemo?'"
The Big Sissy!
Please insert Scarety Cat Pic here
Ever Wonder What a C-Loans Application Looks Like?
Here's a sample commercial loan application.
Rice Joke
"A new report says that former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice recently rejected an offer from Donald Trump to be his running mate. When Trump's people asked why she rejected the offer, she said, 'For the last time, I'm Whoopi Goldberg.'" -- Seth Meyers
Would You Please Refer Your Commercial Loan Turndowns to C-Loans.com?
If you have to turn down a commercial real estate loan this week, would you kindly refer the borrower (or broker) to C-Loans.com? If none of our 750 different commercial lenders can help him, the deal probably isn't do-able. Thanks so much!
Recent Poll Joke
"In the key swing states of Ohio and Pennsylvania, Trump is currently getting zero percent support from black voters. Obviously every poll has a margin of error, so it can actually be a negative three percent." -- Stephen Colbert
Helicopter Money - Has It Come to This???
Nobel Prize-winning economist, Milton Friedman, is known to be the one who coined the term, “helicopter money”, in the now famous paper, “The Optimum Quantity of Money”, where he included the following parable:
“Let us suppose now that one day a helicopter flies over this community and drops an additional $1,000 in bills from the sky, which is, of course, hastily collected by members of the community. Let us suppose further that everyone is convinced that this is a unique event, which will never be repeated.” -- Milton Friedman
The reason that I am talking about helicopter money today is because I have heard this term, “helicopter money”, used more often by financial commentators in the past thirty days than in the past five years.
In one of the most important economic speeches given in our lifetimes, Fed Governor (but not yet Fed Chairman) Ben Bernanke, in November of 2002, gave a speech to the National Economist Club in Washington, D.C., entitled “Making Sure ‘It’ Doesn’t Happen Here”:
“… the U.S. government has a technology, called a printing press (or, today, its electronic equivalent), that allows it to produce as many U.S. dollars as it wishes at essentially no cost. By increasing the number of U.S. dollars in circulation, or even by credibly threatening to do so, the U.S. government can also reduce the value of a dollar in terms of goods and services, which is equivalent to raising the prices in dollars of those goods and services. We conclude that, under a paper-money system, a determined government can always generate higher spending and hence positive inflation...” -- Ben Bernanke
The “It” in the name of the above speech is deflation, and back in November of 2002, Japan had recently completed the first of its two Lost Decades.
Okay, so why is everyone - especially commentators on the European economy - talking so much these days about “helicopter money”?
The answer is because quantitative easing and negative interest rates have not been enough to jumpstart the economy of the European Union.The economy in Europe is sluggish. The money supply refuses to grow, even with the European Central Bank (“ECB”) buying up trillions of Euros worth of sovereign bonds (a fancy word for bonds issue by a country, like Italy) and even with the ECB buying up trillions of Euros worth AAA and AA-rated corporate bonds. Inflation just won’t stay lit.
Why won’t inflation ignite in Europe? In school we were all taught that when the Fed (or the ECB in the case of Europe) pumps money into the system that inflation was the result. In truth, this lesson is an over-simplification.
The money supply only grows if banks are willing to lend and borrowers are willing to borrow. In the United States, we recapitalized our banks - gave them cash to rebuild their loan loss reserves and their capital (the dough left in the bank to act as a further cushion against losses).
Do you remember TARP? That was a $700 billion bailout of U.S. banks. It was pretty controversial at the time, but in hindsight, it was the right move. Most of that money was eventually paid back to the Treasury by the banks and by AIG Life Insurance Company. As a result, commercial banks in the U.S. are making a healthy number of new loans.
Bam!!! Oh, my goodness, what was that? That was my professor's yardstick slapping the desktop. “Pay attention,” he would say, "This is on the test.”
The European Union did not recapitalize its banks. Hundreds of billions of Euros worth of loan losses from the Great Recession have still not yet been written off by European banks. Many of the largest banks in Europe – including names like Deutsche Bank and Credit Suisse – are very weak. Weak banks tend not to lend money out like crazy. In order for inflation to ignite, banks need to be willing to lend.
According to my favorite economist, Ben Bernanke, “The U.S. government has a technology called a printing press… (and) under a paper-money system, a determined government can always generate higher spending and hence positive inflation.” If banks just won’t lend and borrowers just won’t borrow, the ECB can always drop one-hundred Euro bills from a helicopter.
If I were the head of the ECB, I would distribute one-trillion Euros between all of the countries of the European Union and insist that they use this dough to put a solar panel on the roof of every home and every commercial building in the union. Such a move would definitely be considered a helicopter drop.
Would your bank like to close a few more commercial loans? Then join C-Loans.com!
Coroner Joke
"The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse." -- Dennis Miller
Free Commercial Mortgage Marketing Course
You've got a buddy who works as a commercial loan officer at a neighboring bank, right? We'll trade you the contents of one of his or her business cards for a free commercial mortgage marketing course. We sell this popular course separately on C-Loans.com for $199. Learn how to turn on a flow of SBA and conventional commercial mortgage leads as easily as turning on a spigot.
Important note: This has nothing to do with joining C-Loans as a lender. For more information, please click here.
Photograph Taken in Coreleone, Sicily
Please insert Godfather Pic here
Bankers: Get 200 Free SBA Loan Applications
Does your bank want to close more SBA loans? C-Loans.com will give you two hundred SBA loan leads for free, deals that are perfect for your bank. These loans will be the right size. They will be located only in your favorite counties of your favorite states, and these SBA loans leads will be secured by just the type of commercial real estate that you prefer - office buildings, industrial buildings, etc.
Please click here for more information about how to receive 200 free SBA loan applications. The above offer is made only to commercial banks and credit unions.
What if you don't work for a bank or credit union, but your commercial mortgage company services more than $20 million in commercial real estate loans? We have a fine program for you too. Please call Mick Carlson at (574) 855-6292 or click here for more details.
Baggage Joke
My dear friend, a divorcee, never remarried, and her daughter wanted to know why. "The men I know would bring too much heavy baggage to the marriage, and I simply don't want to put up with it," she explained. Taking her mother's hand in hers, my friend's daughter said sweetly, "I hate to break the news to you, Mom, but you're not exactly carry-on yourself."
Join C-Loans For a Flat Fee
Most banks that join C-Loans take advantage of our free guaranteed success program; but a bank can now join C-Loans, get listed on our Suggested Lender Lists, and receive tons of commercial mortgage loan applications for a small monthly fee:
For banks with less than $2 billion in assets, the cost is just $250 per month, and up to three loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads.
For banks with more than $2 billion in assets and less than $7 billion in assets, the cost is just $350 per month, and up to four loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads.
For banks with more than $7 billion in assets and less than $15 billion in assets, the cost is just $500 per month, and up to five loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads.
For banks with more than $15 billion in assets, the cost is just $1,000 per month, and up to ten loan officers can receive our SBA and commercial real estate loan leads.
Important note: In all of these cases, the bank owes nothing more, even if it closes a loan.
To join C-Loans using our new flat-fee program, please email Mick Carlson, General Manager, or call him at 574-855-6292.
But, once again, most banks joining C-Loans, take advantage of our free guaranteed success program, where the bank only pays C-Loans, Inc. a software licensing fee of 0.375 points (just 25 bps. on deals over $5MM) if it closes a commercial loan from C-Loans. Most banks simply increase their normal loan origination fee from 1.0 point to 1.375 points to cover the cost of using our software and receiving our leads. This makes C-Loans effectively free to the bank.
To join using our guaranteed success program - effectively free to the bank - simply use this super-easy form to join C-Loans as a lender.
$100 Joke
A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When The postal authorities received the letter addressed to: God, USA, they decided to send it to the President. The President was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down and wrote a thank-you note to God, which read: "Dear God, Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, DC. Do you know those bureaucrats deducted $95.00 in taxes!"
Referring Your Turndowns to C-Loans.com Gives Your Customers a Good Place to Look
If you have to turn down a bank customer's request for a commercial loan, it will help him if you could suggest a place for him to look elsewhere. With 750 different commercial real estate lenders participating on C-Loans.com, if your customer can't qualify for a commercial mortgage from us, he probably won't qualify anywhere. Thank you so much!
Playing Doctor Joke
A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter. Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they're bound to be curious about sex at that age." "Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken out her darned appendix!"
How To Close Investor Commercial Loans When Your Loan Committee Won't Exceed 62% LTV
Suppose one of your better bank customers wants to buy a commercial building, not for his company, but rather just for investment. The deal cash flows perfectly at 75% LTV, but your nervous Loan Committee cuts the deal back to just 62% LTV. "Gosh, I have been a good bank customer for decades. I thought my own bank would take better care of me."
The sister company of C-Loans, Blackburne & Sons, raises small balance JV equity for such deals, and we'll raise as little as $100,000. We'll add our equity to your customer's down payment to create a down payment large enough to satisfy your Loan Committee.
Got a potential deal? Please complete this simple preferred equity application or call Angela Vannucci at 916-338-3232.
I Stand Strong For My Beliefs
Please insert Straw Pic here
Jeb Bush Joke
"After the Bush family announced that they will not attend this week's Republican National Convention, Newt Gingrich this morning told interviewers that he believes the Bushes are behaving childishly. When reached for comment, Jeb hid behind his mom's leg." -- Seth Meyers
Would You Mind a $21,250 Referral Fee?
We once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a website owner named Alan Dunn of Spydercube.com for referring us a $17 million deal. Not long ago we paid our friends at RealWebFunds.com an $11,000 referral fee.
We've made it super-easy to refer us commercial loans and to receive big referral fees. Please click here for details.
Video - Update on Shark Attack Victim
Lovely, one-armed surfer mom place Third in the World Championships
Cinderella Joke (Cute One For Your Kids)
Q: Why did Cinderella get kicked off the baseball team?
A: Because she ran away from the ball.
One Final Pathetic Plea
If you won't let us pay you a referral fee, won't you please-please refer your commercial mortgage turndowns to C-Loans.com? Thanks!
Final Funny - Oldie But a Goodie
A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, "Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?" The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean." With that the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, "Hello, is Melvin there?" The man answered, "There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don't you learn to look up numbers before you dial". "See," said the father to his daughter. "That man was not a bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something, and we annoyed him. Now watch..." The father dialed the number again. "Hello, is Melvin there?" asked the father. "Now look here!" came the heated reply. "You just called this number, and I told you that there is no Melvin here! You've got a lot of guts calling again!" The receiver slammed down hard. The father turned to his daughter and said, "You see, that was anger." The father dialed the same number three more times, with increasingly furious responses. Finally he said, "Now I'll show you what exasperation means." He dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared, "Hello!" The father calmly said, "Hello, this is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?"
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