C-LOANS BANKER LETTER
This letter is intended only for commercial mortgage loan officers working for banks and hard money lenders. Today we will give 200 free SBA loan leads to commercial banks and credit unions. And, of course, because this is C-Loans (the jokesters), we have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and a classic comedy video.
Joke Du Jour
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "Then we better throw this one out too 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."
See, I Told You So!
Ever Wonder What a C-Loans Application Looks Like?
Here's a sample commercial loan application.
Mother Always Loved You Best
"Researchers in California found that 74 percent of mothers confessed that they like one child better than another. Then one mother said, 'Don’t use my name, 'cuz I don't want Jeb to find out.'” -- Jimmy Fallon
Would You Please Refer Your Commercial Loan Turndowns to C-Loans.com?
If you have to turn down a commercial real estate loan this week, would you kindly refer the borrower (or broker) to C-Loans.com? If none of our 750 different commercial lenders can help him, the deal probably isn't do-able. Thanks so much!
Steps Joke
Q: What steps would you take if a madman came rushing at you with a knife?
A: Great big ones!
Bankers: Get 200 Free SBA Loan Applications
Does your bank want to close more SBA loans? C-Loans.com will give you two hundred SBA loan leads for free, deals that are perfect for your bank. These loans will be the right size. They will be located only in your favorite counties of your favorite states, and these SBA loans leads will be secured by just the type of commercial real estate that you prefer - office buildings, industrial buildings, etc.
You will be able to cherry pick these two hundred SBA loans leads directly from our Lender Vault. Competing lenders have to pay $5 to $35 each to see these leads. You will get two-hundred of them for free.
Important Note: If you do close a loan off one of these leads, you will owe to C-Loans, Inc. a software licensing fee of 37.5 basis points. This where we make our dough; but please don't panic. Several hundred commercial banks nationwide participate on C-Loans.com, and virtually all of them simply increase their normal points by 0.375 point to cover our little fee. Therefore these leads really do end up being free to your bank.
Please click here for more information about how to receive 200 free SBA loan applications. The above offer is made only to commercial banks and credit unions.
What if you don't work for a bank or credit union, but your commercial mortgage company services more than $20 million in commercial real estate loans? We have a fine program for you too. Please call Mick Carlson at (574) 855-6292 or click here for more details.
Wrong Number Joke
One morning the phone rang at 3:00 a.m. in Jeff's house. He picked up the phone, and a woman asked, "Is this 555-1111?" "No, this is 555-1112." Jeff replied. "Oh, I'm so sorry for disturbing you," the woman said. "That's alright," Jeff said. "I had to get up to answer the phone anyway."
And It Goes Like This
We've Made It Easy to Join C-Loans
It's very possible that your boss may soon come to you and say, "The Board is feeling a little more confident about the future. We'd like you to make a few more commercial loans." When this happens, please remember that C-Loans can quickly deliver attractive commercial loan applications directly to your inbox.
C-Loans has designed a super-easy form to join C-Loans as a lender.
New York Primary Joke
"The big New York primary, which happens next Tuesday, is looking pretty good for Hillary Clinton. In fact, website FiveThirtyEight says Hillary has a 99 percent chance of winning the primary for New York. When he heard, Bernie Sanders said, 'My God, I've become part of the 1 percent!'" -- Jimmy Fallon
Referring Your Turndowns to C-Loans.com Gives Your Customers a Good Place to Look
If you have to turn down a bank customer's request for a commercial loan, it will help him if you could suggest a place for him to look elsewhere. With 750 different commercial real estate lenders participating on C-Loans.com, if your customer can't qualify for a commercial mortgage from us, he probably won't qualify anywhere. Thank you so much!
Establishment Joke
"CNN hosted a town hall with Republican front-runner Donald Trump, and at one point he complained that the rules of the election are stacked against him 'by the establishment.' You gotta give it to Trump. He's the only man who could inherit millions of dollars, have his name on buildings, and still go, 'Life is totally unfair!'” -- Jimmy Fallon
How To Close Investor Commercial Loans When Your Loan Committee Won't Exceed 62% LTV
Suppose one of your better bank customers wants to buy a commercial building, not for his company, but rather just for investment. The deal cash flows perfectly at 75% LTV, but your nervous Loan Committee cuts the deal back to just 62% LTV. "Gosh, I have been a good bank customer for decades. I thought my own bank would take better care of me."
The sister company of C-Loans, Blackburne & Sons, raises small balance JV equity for such deals, and we'll raise as little as $100,000. We'll add our equity to your customer's down payment to create a down payment large enough to satisfy your Loan Committee.
Got a potential deal? Please complete this simple preferred equity application or call Angela Vannucci at 916-338-3232.
Hey, It Was Dark When I Got Up
What is C-Loans 2.0?
Let's suppose you've heard about all of the hundreds and hundreds of commercial real estate loans being closed by C-Loans.com, and you want your bank to join. Unfortunately your boss is adamant, "We will not pay a fee to C-Loans!"
Now its no longer a problem. C-Loans, Inc. is pleased to announce C-Loans 2.0, a new program where we collect our own 37.5 bps. software licensing fee directly from the borrower. Here are the details on the brand, new C-Loans 2.0.
To join C-Loans.com and to receive custom-fitted commercial real estate loan applications from high-net-worth individuals located close to your branch, please call Mick Carlson at 574-855-6292.
Car Accident Joke
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny. The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
Would You Mind a $21,250 Referral Fee?
We once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a website owner named Alan Dunn of Spydercube.com for referring us a $17 million deal. Not long ago we paid our friends at RealWebFunds.com an $11,000 referral fee.
We've made it super-easy to refer us commercial loans and to receive big referral fees. Please click here for details.
Video - Who's on First?
Classic skit by Abbott and Costello
Stuffed Animal Joke
Caution: Care Bears do not actually care very much.
One Final Pathetic Plea
If you won't let us pay you a referral fee, won't you please-please refer your commercial mortgage turndowns to C-Loans.com? Thanks!
Final Funny - Long But Funny
A man is driving down the road, and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car.
As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound - a sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave.
Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again. The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk." The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."
The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks. "In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception." The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound."
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door." The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond. Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door." The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door! With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open.
Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound... But, of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
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