C-LOANS BANKER LETTER
This letter is intended only for commercial mortgage loan officers working for banks and hard money lenders. Today we'll talk about the drawbacks of securitized commercial loans. And, of course, because this is C-Loans (the jokesters), we have lots of cute, clean jokes, some funny pics, and a pretty funny Christmas video.
Joke Du Jour
Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife, with himself as beneficiary, and arranging to have her killed. A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure who went by the name of "Artie."
Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid something up front. The man opened up his wallet, displaying a single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife into the local Safeway grocery store. There he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled onto the scene. Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.
Unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings was captured by hidden cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the store. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the sordid plan, including his financial arrangements with the hapless husband.
And that is why the next day in the newspaper, the headlines declared, "ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT SAFEWAY."
Obama Plays Golf
Please insert Putin Pic here
Would You Please Refer Your Commercial Loan Turndowns to C-Loans.com?
If you have to turn down a commercial real estate loan this week, would you kindly refer the borrower (or broker) to C-Loans.com? If none of our 750 different commercial lenders can help him, the deal probably isn't do-able. Thanks so much!
Trump Joke I
"At a Donald Trump rally the other night, a supporter shouted out the Nazi salute 'Sieg Heil!' Trump immediately responded, "There is no place for that here — save it for my inauguration." -- Conan O'Brien
(I know, mildly funny but kind of disturbing too, huh?)
The Problem With Securitized Commercial Loans
Securitized commercial loans include the CMBS loans being made by conduits, the subprime commercial loans made by Bayview Financial in the early 2000's, and the non-prime commercial loans being made by Velocity and Cherrywood today. The good news is that these securitized commercial loans have very low interest rates and very low monthly payments.
The problem with securitized commercial loans is that they burden the borrower's commercial property for ten years - making the property difficult to sell and economically impossible to refinance.
Here's why: The buyers of commercial mortgage-backed bonds are insistent that these bonds be a fixed rate. The reason why is because life insurance companies and defined benefit pension plans need to know exactly what they are going to earn, so they can be sure that they have enough dough to meet their actuarial projections (a certain number of people die or retire). Therefore securitized commercial loans have enormous prepayment penalties (sometimes almost impossible to believe).
To make matters worse, they all prohibit junior financing. Let's suppose a borrower accepts a $6.8 million securitized commercial loan on a $10 million building. Six years later, the building is worth $13 million. Did you know that a prospective buyer would have to put $6.2MM (48%) down! Or the seller could pay a $1.2 million defeasance prepayment penalty. Either way - yikes!
Bank commercial loans - or even private money commercial loans with no prepayment penalty - are much better. The property owner is not tied to a chair.
Does your bank or credit union need more commercial real estate loans? Please call Mick Carlson at (574) 855-6292 or click here for more details.
Trump Joke II
"After protesters interrupted a Donald Trump rally last night, some attendees were heard yelling the Nazi salute 'Sieg heil.' Which is alarming, but it doesn't mean that Donald Trump is the same as Hitler. It just means that if you looked up Hitler on Amazon, Trump might show up in the 'You may also like' section." -- Seth Meyers
(Demagogue,n: A political leader who seeks support by appealing to popular desires and prejudices, rather than by using rational argument.)
You Need To Move On
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We've Made It Easy to Join C-Loans
It's very possible that your boss may soon come to you and say, "The Board is feeling a little more confident about the future. We'd like you to make a few more commercial loans." When this happens, please remember that C-Loans can quickly deliver attractive commercial loan applications directly to your inbox.
C-Loans has designed a super-easy form to join C-Loans as a lender.
Snowman Joke
Q: What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
A: Do you smell carrots?
Referring Your Turndowns to C-Loans.com Gives Your Customers a Good Place to Look
If you have to turn down a bank customer's request for a commercial loan, it will help him if you could suggest a place for him to look elsewhere. With 750 different commercial real estate lenders participating on C-Loans.com, if your customer can't qualify for a commercial mortgage from us, he probably won't qualify anywhere. Thank you so much!
Cow Joke
Q: Why did the cow jump over the moon?
A: Because the farmer had cold hands.
How To Close Investor Commercial Loans When Your Loan Committee Won't Exceed 62% LTV
Suppose one of your better bank customers wants to buy a commercial building, not for his company, but rather just for investment. The deal cash flows perfectly at 75% LTV, but your nervous Loan Committee cuts the deal back to just 62% LTV. "Gosh, I have been a good bank customer for decades. I thought my own bank would take better care of me."
The sister company of C-Loans, Blackburne & Sons, raises small balance JV equity for such deals, and we'll raise as little as $100,000. We'll add our equity to your customer's down payment to create a down payment large enough to satisfy your Loan Committee.
Got a potential deal? Please complete this simple preferred equity application or call Angela Vannucci at 916-338-3232.
Rivet Rivet
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What is C-Loans 2.0?
Let's suppose you've heard about all of the hundreds and hundreds of commercial real estate loans being closed by C-Loans.com, and you want your bank to join. Unfortunately your boss is adamant, "We will not pay a fee to C-Loans!"
Now its no longer a problem. C-Loans, Inc. is pleased to announce C-Loans 2.0, a new program where we collect our own 37.5 bps. software licensing fee directly from the borrower. Here are the details on the brand, new C-Loans 2.0.
To join C-Loans.com and to receive custom-fitted commercial real estate loan applications from high-net-worth individuals located close to your branch, please call Mick Carlson at 574-855-6292.
Jeb Bush Joke
"White House press secretary Josh Earnest said that Trump's statement about banning Muslim immigrants 'disqualifies' him from being president. When he heard that, Jeb Bush was like, 'You can get disqualified? What do I need to do?!'" -- Jimmy Fallon
Would You Mind a $21,250 Referral Fee?
We once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a website owner named Alan Dunn of Spydercube.com for referring us a $17 million deal. Not long ago we paid our friends at RealWebFunds.com an $11,000 referral fee.
We've made it super-easy to refer us commercial loans and to receive big referral fees. Please click here for details.
Short Christmas Video
Pretty funny.
Mike's Girlfriend Joke
After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend's new telephone number, I dialed him -- and got a woman. "Is Mike there?" I asked. "He's in the shower," she responded. "Please tell him his girlfriend called," I said and angrily hung up. When he didn't return the call, I dialed again. This time a man answered. "This is Mike," he said. "You're not my boyfriend!" I exclaimed. "I know," he replied. "That's what I've been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour."
One Final Pathetic Plea
If you won't let us pay you a referral fee, won't you please-please refer your commercial mortgage turndowns to C-Loans.com? Thanks!
Final Funny
During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing the little animals, and, at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant was stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was also stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5-yard loss. The defense huddled around the coach, and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?" "I did," said the centipede. "Who stopped the rhino?" "Uh, that was me too," said the centipede. "And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?" "Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.
"So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach. "Well," said the centipede, "I was getting my ankles taped."
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