MORTGAGE STUFF (C-Loans Client Letter)
You are receiving this letter because you are a commercial mortgage broker client of either Blackburne & Sons or C-Loans, Inc. Removal instructions are below. Today we finally have a Blackburne & Sons commercial mortgage rate sheet for you. It only took us 32 years to issue one. Geesch! And of course we have lots of great jokes, gags, and funny pictures too.
Joke Du Jour
While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time he reached the teller's window, the hiccups seemed to have worsened. The teller took my friend's check and proceeded to run a computer verification of his account. After a minute, she looked up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to cash his check. "Why not?" my friend asked incredulously. "I'm sorry, sir," she replied, "but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount." "As a matter of fact," she continued, "our records show your account is overdrawn in excess of $5,000." "It can't be!" he cried. "You have to be kidding!" "Yes, I am," she answered with a smile, counting out his cash. "But you'll notice that your hiccups are gone."
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Blackburne & Sons Finally Came Out With a Rate Sheet
Blackburne & Sons continues to seek first mortgages between $100,000 to $2.5 million on standing commercial properties nationwide.
Here is our promised, long-delayed commercial mortgage rate sheet.
To apply for a private money commercial loan from Blackburne & Sons, please find your favorite loan officer below:
Alicia Gandy: 916-338-3232
To apply to Alicia online, please click here.
Tom Blackburne: 916-338-3232
Mick Carlson: 574-855-6292
To apply to Mick online, please click here.
Silent Passage Joke
“Doctor, please help me,” says an elderly patient. “I have silent passage of gas every morning. I have silent passage of gas every afternoon, and I suffer from silent passage of gas in the evening. Sometimes I have silent passage of gas at unpredictable times—for instance, just now. Doctor, can you help me?” “Sure, I can help you‚” says the doctor. “But first you need your hearing checked.”
The Blackburne Family is in Mourning
We Blackburne's live just 25 minutes south of Notre Dame, and we follow their football games religiously. Last night, in the National Championship Game, the Notre Dame football team got crushed by Alabama, 42-14. I think the Bible makes reference to the expression, "the rending of clothes and the gnashing of teeth." Arghhh!
"I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying." -- Woody Allen
Personally Signing Up New Lenders for C-Loans
If you haven't used C-Loans.com recently, you may notice that we have a lot of new lenders. We are repopulating the site with many new commercial lenders because so many commercials lenders got crushed during the Great Recession. I am personally making the calls to recruit the new lenders.
Here's something that I found to be very interesting. Every bank I called last week is once again in the market to make new commercial real estate loans - every one!
Milk Bath Joke
A green-haired girl heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The green-haired girl came to the door, and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?" The green-haired girl said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again." The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" The green-haired girl said, "No, just up to my boobs. I can splash it on my eyes."
We're Now Making Home Loans in California
For the past 32 years Blackburne & Sons has exclusively been a commercial lender. That has now changed. We are now aggressively seeking non-owner-occupied home loans in California. (Sorry, folks, we are ONLY licensed to make non-owner-occupied home loans in California. We cannot make home loans in any other state; but we will make commercial loans nationwide.)
Got a nationwide commercial deal or a California non-owner-occupied residential deal? Please call your California Loan Officer:
Alicia Gandy at 916-338-3232
Bachelor Party Joke
Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
Nine-Hour Video Course on How to Broker Commercial Mortgage Loans
This is my bread-and-butter course that teaches you how to market for commercial loans, how to underwrite them (the ratios), how to place them, and how to collect your fee. Thousands of very happy commercial mortgage brokers have taken this course. Details.
Chinese Sweater Joke
Many years ago my wife was to knitting what Tiger Woods is to golf. She designed exotic patterns with ease. There was an occasion when we had lunch in a real Chinese restaurant (only one person spoke partial English, all menus were in Chinese). When she saw the hand-written menu she was so impressed with the calligraphy she tucked the menu in her purse. Some months later I saw the result, a stunning white sweater with the Chinese symbols hand-stitched down the front. She received compliments galore until one cocktail party when we met a distinguished Chinese physician who asked my wife where she got the symbols. He then wanted to know if she knew what they meant. "I'm afraid to ask," she said, "but tell me anyway." Even she had to laugh when he told her they read, "This is a cheap dish--but good."
Now Is the Time to Jump Into Hard Money!
Four-hour training course, How to Find Your Own Private Mortgage Investors. $499. Please click here for details.
You can buy both of my famous training courses, How to Broker Commercial Mortgage Loans and How to Find Your Own Private Mortgage Investors, for just $799. Please call Tom Blackburne at 916-338-3232.
Seal The Deal...
Earn Big Referral Fees. We've Made It Really Easy.
Blackburne & Sons will pay you a referral fee of 20% of our loan fee, just for providing us with the name and the phone number of a prospective commercial mortgage borrower. We once paid a referral fee of $21,250 to a guy named Alan Dunn.
Just click here to refer us a commercial loan.
Buy Commercial Leads
You can buy commercial leads from C-Loans for just $1 to $9 apiece, plus 37.5 bps. when the deal closes.
A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where in 'tarnation have you been all night?" she demands. "At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works - heck, even the urinal's gold!" The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day she checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story. "Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone. "Yes it is," bartender answers. "Do you have huge golden doors?" "Sure do." "Do you have golden floors?" "Most certainly do." "What about golden urinals?" There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that peed in your saxophone last night!"