MORTGAGE STUFF (C-Loans Client Letter)
You are receiving this letter because you are a commercial mortgage broker client of either Blackburne & Sons or C-Loans, Inc. Removal instructions are below. Lots of jokes and stories, as always, plus we announce that you can now buy our cheap commercial leads, even if your credit is crumby.
Joke Du Jour
The elevator in our building malfunctioned one day, leaving several of us stranded. Seeing a sign that listed two emergency phone numbers, I dialed the first and explained our situation. After what seemed to be a very long silence, the voice on the other end said, “I don’t know what you expect me to do for you. I’m a psychologist.” “A psychologist?” I replied. “Your phone is listed here as an emergency number. Can’t you help us?” “Well,” he finally responded in a measured tone. “How does it make you feel to be stuck in an elevator?”
Buy Cheap Commercial Leads
Most of our commercial leads are just $1 to $3 each, plus 37.5 bps. when the loan closes. In the past, however, we would only sell our leads to brokers showing $100,000+ per year in income and a credit score of at least 700.
C-Loans. com will now sell commercial leads to almost all mortgage brokers, even if their income and credit got mauled by the Great Recession. Please click here for more details.
The Market May Be Loosening Up
I saw a banker boasting this month about the five multi-million-dollar commercial construction loans he's funded recently. Commercial construction loans? Really?
CMBS lenders are making deals again too. CMBS lenders are even looking at unflagged hotels! New hard money mortgage funds are forming every month.
Fear and terror in commercial real estate finance is being replaced by greed. For the first time in three years I'm noticing commercial lenders across the board closing some deals.
Missing Dog Joke
An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. His wife suggests he take out an ad in the newspaper, which he does. But two weeks later, there’s still no sign of the mutt. “What did you write in the ad?” his wife asks. “ ‘Here, boy,’ ” he replies.
We're Now Making Home Loans in California
For the past 31 years Blackburne & Sons has exclusively been a commercial lender. That has now changed. We are now aggressively seeking non-owner-occupied home loans in California. (Sorry, folks, we are ONLY licensed to make non-owner-occupied home loans in California. We cannot make home loans in any other state; but we will make commercial loans nationwide.)
Got a nationwide commercial deal or a California non-owner-occupied residential deal? Please call your Loan Officer:
Alicia Gandy at 916-338-3232
Tim Brannan at 916-338-3232
George Blackburne IV (my oldest son) at 916-338-3232
Donnie Garza at 916-338-3232.
One For the Ladies
Getting back together with an old boyfriend is pathetic. It’s like having a garage sale and buying your own stuff back.
Police in Detroit
This is true. Gangsters chasing you? Terrified for your life? If you run to the Police Department in Detroit after 4:00 p.m., you'll find the doors locked! Detroit is so broke that they made the announcement that their precincts now close at 4:00 p.m. every day. Yikes.
Make Big Money Introducing Bankers to C-Loans.
If you introduce a banker to C-Loans.com who is hungry to make commercial loans, we'll pay you $500 every time he closes a commercial loan for a C-Loans user. We have two lenders who have closed more than 50 loans for us so far. That would be a cool $25,000 for you if they were one of your bankers. Please click here for details.
Even though there was a blizzard raging outside, I made it the half-mile to the bakery, where I asked the owner for six rolls. “Your wife must like rolls,” he said. “How did you know these are for my wife?” I asked. “Because your mother wouldn’t send you out in weather like this.”
Earn Big Referral Fees. We've Made It Really Easy.
Blackburne & Sons will pay you a referral fee of 20% of our loan fee, just for providing us with the name and the phone number of a prospective commercial mortgage borrower. We once paid a referral fee of $21,250 to a guy named Alan Dunn.
There are a surprising number of ways to earn huge referral fees from us. But are referral fees legal? On what kinds of loans are referral fees illegal? When are they perfectly fine? Where do you find leads to refer? How can you tell a hot lead from one that is dead on arrival?
I strongly urge you to download our free whitepaper, Insider Secrets to Earning Huge Referral Fees.
Emergency Transport Joke
My helicopter crew landed on a frigate in order to evacuate a sick sailor who, we later learned, was suffering from a skin infection called cellulitis. (Cellulitis is a potentially serious skin infection marked by a diffuse inflammation of connective tissue with severe inflammation of dermal and subcutaneous layers of the skin.)
When we arrived, we asked a crewman what was wrong. Pointing to the stricken sailor, he said, “She has cellulite.”
Free List of 200 Commercial Lenders
You can download a free list of 200 commercial lenders by clicking here.
After an enthusiastic recommendation from my wife, I began listening to the audiobook version of Frank McCourt’s Teacher Man. “I love it, but his writing style is so disjointed,” I complained. “He refers to characters I don’t know and introduces them a half hour later.” My wife was as confused as I was, but I soldiered on, disoriented by the jumpy story line. It wasn’t until the end of the book that my dilemma was explained—I had set the iPod to Shuffle.
Nine-Hour Video Course on How to Broker Commercial Mortgage Loans
I've been originating commercial loans for 31 years now. You will find this training to be very practical. It's all about making money. Details.
Weight Loss Joke
I was talking to my doctor about a weight-loss patch I had seen an ad for.. "Does it work?" I asked. "Sure," he said. "If you put it over your mouth."
Now Is the Time to Jump Into Hard Money!
Four-hour training course, How to Find Your Own Private Mortgage Investors. $499. Please click here for details.
Are You Reading My Free Commercial Mortgage Training Blog?
My blog, Commercial Loans, will make you a better commercial mortgage broker. Be sure to subscribe to my blog as well.
Final Funny (PG-13)
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course, child. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?" "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you. I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare." The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"