STUFF (C-Loans.com Client Letter)
You are receiving this letter because you are a commercial mortgage broker client of either Blackburne & Sons or C-Loans, Inc. Removal instructions are below. Today we're going to give you a direct line to the head of Blackburne & Sons' Loan Committee.
Joke Du Jour
Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other, "Are you a little girl or a little boy?" "I don't know," replied the other baby giggling. "What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby. "I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply. "Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling. "I'll climb into your crib and find out." He carefully maneuvered himself into the other baby's crib, then quickly disappeared beneath the blankets. After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big grin on his face. "You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy," he said proudly. "You're ever so clever," cooed the baby girl, "but how can you tell?" "It's quite easy really," replied the baby boy, "you've got pink booties, and I've got blue ones!"
Direct Line to George Blackburne III (the Old Man)
This is George, and I am in the mood to negotiate some commercial loans personally. If you need a commercial loan of less than $1.5 million on a standing commercial property (no construction loans please), you are invited to call me on my cell phone at 574-360-2486 or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
By the way, did you notice I used the "III"? That's because my oldest son, George IV, recently graduated from Ohio State and has joined the firm. Tommy graduates from Purdue next quarter and will soon join Blackburne & Sons as well.
A family was having dinner on Mother's Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong. "Nothing," said the woman. Not buying it, he asked again. "Seriously, what's wrong?" "Do you really want to know? Well, I'll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for 15 years and on Mother's Day, you don't even tell me so much as "Thank you." "Why should I?" he said. "Not once in 15 years have I gotten a Father's Day gift." "Yes," she said, "but I'm their real mother."
Commercial Loans to Companies Losing Money
This month Blackburne & Sons is making a $400,000 commercial mortgage loan to a company that lost $3 million last year.
In a small Southern town there was a nativity scene that indicated great skill and talent in its creation. One small feature bothered me though. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.
She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a particular passage. Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar.'"
Making a Lot of Cropland Loans
Our investment division is very bullish on farm land. In fact, we have syndicated nine groups of private investors to buy farm land over the last three years. It should therefore not surprise you that our hard money division loves to make loans on cropland.
Best Movie of All Time?
Over the holidays the Blackburne's went to see the movie, Avatar, in 3D. If you have not already seen it, you are in for a real treat. The movie has grossed more than $1 billion in the first three weeks following its release. Be sure to see it in 3D.
Dry Cleaning Joke
"Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy five cents." -- William Coronel
We're Buying Discounted Notes
Blackburne & Sons is regularly buying small commercial first mortgage notes at a discount. If you're handy with a calculator, start by finding the present value of the note for a desired yield of 12%. We'll pay 97% of that present value (the 3% difference is our 3 point loan fee), less about $1,500 for expenses.
Got a commercial first mortgage note that a bank or some private note holder wants to sell? Please call me, George Blackburne III, at 574-360-2486 or email me at email@example.com.
"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." -- George Gobel
Hungry for Hypothecation Loans
Let's suppose an investor owns a big apartment complex free and clear. When he sells it, he carries back a $1 million first mortgage. Later he meets Lola La Boom-Boom in Las Vegas and suddenly needs $600,000 for diamonds and a world cruise.
Blackburne & Sons will make a $600,000 hypothecation loan secured by the $1 million first mortgage.
Got a commercial first mortgage note that your borrower is willing to pledge as collateral? Please call me, George Blackburne III, at 574-360-2486 or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Tiger Woods Joke
"Sources say Tiger has confessed all of his affairs to his wife, who has agreed to stay with him if he takes some time off from golf. Tiger said, 'That's OK - golf was starting to cut into my time with the ladies.'" -- Conan O'Brien
Got an "A" Quality Commercial Loan?
There are over 8,000 banks in America, and a few of them are still actively making commercial loans. Often they are the smaller, obscure banks who were not hurt in the subprime meltdown. You can submit your commercial loan to hundreds of such banks using C-Loans.com. And C-Loans is free!
Disney World Joke
"A woman is suing Disney World, claiming one of their rides caused her to have a stroke. Disney denies the allegation but will temporarily shut down the ride, Stroke Mountain." -- Jimmy Fallon
Reuse Our Video Training Course Over and Over
If you order our famous 9-hour video course, How to Broker Commercial Mortgage Loans, you can use this training course again and again to train new loan agents in your office. The cost is still only $499.
"Earlier today in Los Angeles, armed robbers held up a medical marijuana clinic. Police can't identify the robbers because all the eyewitnesses say they have glaucoma." -- Conan O'Brien
You Need Loan Servicing Income
The fastest and easiest way to build a loan servicing portfolio is to become a hard money lender. Our four-hour video course, How to Find Your Own Private Mortgage Investors, is just $499.
"Supermodel Heidi Klum has officially changed her last name to her husband Seal's last name. From now on she'll be known as Heidi." -- Jimmy Fallon
Train Your Entire Staff in Commercial in One Day
You are paying a fortune to keep your doors open. You can't afford to throw away good commercial leads. For only $5,000 I will fly out to your office and train your entire staff in commercial mortgage marketing, underwriting, packaging, placement, and fee collection. Suddenly your income potential doubles with no increase in monthly overhead. I have already trained more than 50 companies. For details please call Alicia Gandy at 916-338-3232..
Finally a Decent George Clooney Movie
We also saw the movie, Up in the Air, over the holidays, and it was an excellent flick. Experts say the Best Picture Oscar will go to either Avatar or Up in the Air.
Buy Commercial Leads for Just $1 to $2 Each
Most lead sellers want $20 to $50 apiece for commercial leads. C-Loans sells them for just $1 to $2 each - plus 37.5 basis points if you close the loan. Click here for more details.
"The noblest of all dogs is the hot-dog; it feeds the hand that bites it. -- Laurence Peter
Also Loved "The Blind Side"
This is the movie about the 280-pound orphan boy adopted by a woman played by Sandra Bullock. She should definitely get an Oscar nomination. Sandra Bulloch was an absolute delight.
Consult with George for Just $375/Hour
With just a 30 to 60 minute consultation I may be able to help you with your commercial mortgage marketing, your underwriting, your placement of a particular commercial deal, or your fee collection problems. Click here for details.
"This is little strange. A couple in England named their new daughter, Kia, because she was delivered in the back seat of a Kia. No one was happier than her older brother, Hospital Bed." -- Jimmy Fallon
Blackburne & Brown Can Raise Equity
As a commercial mortgage broker, you are used to raising debt dollars - helping borrowers get loans. But you can also make 2 points raising equity dollars.
What is equity money? Suppose a developer can raise 30% of the cost of the project, but the conservative bank insists that he raise 45% of the total cost. Blackburne & Brown may be willing to raise the balance of the equity.
Here's another example. Suppose a borrower has an $850,000 balloon payment, but the bank will only refinance $700,000? Where is he going to get the $150,000 difference? Answer: Blackburne & Brown.
Got an equity deal? Please call me, George Blackburne, personally at 574-360-2486 or email me at email@example.com.
This last one is a tiny bit naughty. Read on at your own risk.
I saw some strange goings on in the city today. A group of sterile monks in white robes were circling a large urn containing flowers, chanting, raising their hands, bowing to the urn, and performing some kind of ritual on one young member of the group. It appeared to be a vase sect to me.
(Yeah, I know. Not so much naughty as just plain stupid, huh? My friends think I need an intervention.)