Mortgage Stuff C-Loans Client Letter
Volume 9, Issue 3

Newsletter Date:  May 18, 2009

MORTGAGE STUFF ( Client Letter)

You are receiving this letter because you are a commercial mortgage broker client of either Blackburne & Brown or C-Loans, Inc. Removal instructions are below. Today we'll discuss the state of the commercial mortgage market and how to survive a lightening storm.

Joke Du Jour

A bear walks into a bar and says "Bartender, give me a gin ........................................................................................ and tonic. The bartender says, "Sure, buddy, but what's up with the long pause?" The bear looks at his hands and says, "I dunno. My dad had them too."

Are the Banks Finally Making Commercial Loans?

The economy is enjoying a little bit of a bounce right now. Consumer confidence and the stock market are up sharply. Is commercial real estate lending finally picking up?

Unfortunately the answer is, "No." Last month was probably the slowest closing month for commercial lenders nationwide in the past thirty years. Maybe there is a lag effect because in real life it takes the typical bank three to four months to close a commercial real estate loan. Hopefully we'll have more encouraging news next month as banks across the country get more confident.

Lent Joke

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. All of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic, and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The Priest came to visit Bubba and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass. As the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic." Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved - until Friday night arrived and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.

The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water, which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."

The Year of the Hard Money Lender

A guy goes to a farmer's market and asks the first vendor, "How much are your apples." The vendor replies, "Just two cents apiece." "Great!" the guy replies, "I'll take a dozen." "The first vendor replies, "Sorry, but I'm all out of apples."

The guy crosses the aisle and asks the second vendor, "How much are your apples?" The second vendor replies, "Ten cents." "TEN CENTS?!" exclaims the guy. "The guys across the aisle is only charging two cents for his apples!" "Yeah," the second vendor replies, "but I've got apples."

Hard money commercial lenders, like Blackburne & Brown, are admittedly a little more expensive than the banks, but we're actually making commercial loans.

Here is Blackburne & Brown's pricing matrix for commercial real estate loans. If you print it out right now, it will come in very handy very soon.

Got a good commercial loan right now? Please call Mike Thurman at 916-338-3232 or click here to submit a mini-app.

Obituary Joke

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!" "Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are you callin' from?"

Got an "A" Quality Commercial Loan?

There are over 8,000 banks in America, and a few of them are still actively making commercial loans. Often they are the smaller, obscure banks who were not hurt in the subprime meltdown. You can submit your commercial loan to hundreds of such banks using And C-Loans is free!

Nursing Joke

This gal wrote: "As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Kristy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breastfeed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing. After mulling over my answers, she remarked, 'My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them.'"

Are You Following My Commercial Training Blog?

If you want to improve your skills as a commercial mortgage broker, be sure to follow my free Commercial Real Estate Loan Tips blog. I wrote the 100+ articles in this blog to train my own sons in commercial mortgage finance.

Beer Joke

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer. The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it. The first nun replied that she would handle it without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look, so the nun said, "This is for washing our hair." Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer, and said, "The curlers are on me."

Reuse Our Video Training Course Over and Over

If you order our famous 9-hour video course, How to Broker Commercial Mortgage Loans, you can use this training course again and again to train new loan agents in your office. The cost is still only $499.

Joyful Lovers Joke

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling west at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. traveling east at a speed of 35 mph.

You Need Loan Servicing Income

The fastest and easiest way to build a loan servicing portfolio is to become a hard money lender. Our four-hour video course, How to Find Your Own Private Mortgage Investors, is just $499.

Sunblock Joke

We use a really strong sunblock when we go to the beach with the kids because we're always afraid of cancer. It's SPF 80. You squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out.

Train Your Entire Staff in Commercial in One Day

You are paying a fortune to keep your doors open.  You can't afford to throw away good commercial leads.  For only $6,000 I will fly out to your office and train your entire staff in commercial mortgage marketing, underwriting, packaging, placement, and fee collection. Suddenly your income potential doubles with no increase in monthly overhead.  I have already trained more than 50 companies. For details please call Alicia Gandy at 916-338-3232..

Cooking Joke

The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asks. "Sweetheart," she sobs, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again, "I found that the cat had eaten it!" "Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We'll get a new cat in the morning..."

Buy Commercial Leads for Just $2 to $3 Each

Most lead sellers want $20 to $50 apiece for commercial leads. C-Loans sells them for just $2 to $3 each - plus 37.5 basis points if you close the loan. Click here for more details.

Shoes Joke

In their latest bid to beef up their pitching rotation for the 2009 season, the New York Yankees today signed Iraqi journalist Muntadar al-Zeidi to a three-year deal worth $32 million. The right-handed al-Zeidi, 28, impressed the Yankees scouts with his performance in Baghdad yesterday when he threw both of his shoes at President George W. Bush. While neither of the shoes hit their target, both throws "had great velocity and good movement," said Yankee co-owner Hank Steinbrenner. "The first shoe was high and outside but the second one was right down the middle," Mr. Steinbrenner said. The Yankees' boss said that he was also impressed with Mr. al-Zeidi's fighting spirit when Secret Service agents tackled him. "That could come in handy when we have a series with Boston," he said.

Consult with George for Just $375/Hour

With just a 30 to 60 minute consultation I may be able to help you with your commercial mortgage marketing, your underwriting, your placement of a particular commercial deal, or your fee collection problems. Click here for details.

Suicide Joke

I was depressed last night, so I called Lifeline... Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

New E-Mail Newsletter Service From C-Loans

By sending a regular email newsletter to several hundred referral sources every month, you can build a steady supply of leads. You'll build a true practice, like an attorney or a CPA. We maintain your list. We blast it out. We even write the newsletter for you. Click here for details.

Thunderstorm Safety

Since moving to Indiana, I have met a half-dozen people who have been hit by lightening. My son's Boy Scout Troop Leader was one of three little boys outside playing army when a thunderstorm hit. All three boys were struck by lightening. One died immediately. One died a year later of complications, and our Scout Leader's vision was permanently impaired.

The local Red Cross passed out a flyer this week to all of the kids in my daughter's school. The flyer suggested that you quickly get indoors or inside a car if a thunderstorm hits. This was obvious.

But if you are too far away to reach safety, the flyer said to squat down (not lie down!), with your hands on your knees and your head between your knees. The object is to get as low as possible. Lying down apparently creates too large of a target.

The other interesting tip was that you should not take a bath or a shower during a thunderstorm. Gee, I guess that makes a lot of sense, but I never would have thought of it.


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Learn to Broker $10MM Commercial Deals.

9-Hour Video Program Including Marketing, Underwriting, Packaging, Placement and Fee Collection.  Just $499.

For details, click here or call Alicia Gandy at 916-338-3232


Refer Loans to C-Loans By Hand and Earn Huge Referral Fees

Just input the email address of a borrower or broker and earn one-eighth of a point at closing!  That's $1,250 for a $1 million loan.  Click here.


Our Training Course Includes Over 60 Minutes on Fee Collection.  No One Has Collected From More Lying, Deadbeat Borrowers Than George.  You Can Order the Fee Agreement and Collection Training Separately for $199.

Call Alicia at (916) 338-3232 or email her at


Got a Mortgage Web Site?  Earn $5,000 Referral Fees in Your Sleep!

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Just $2 to $3 Each
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® is sponsored by C-Loans, Inc. — For more information, contact Alicia Gandy
4811 Chippendale Drive, Suite 101, Sacramento, CA 95841 telephone: (916) 338-3232 * Fax: (916) 338-2328
Real Estate Broker -- California Department of Real Estate -- License Number 01330173

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