STUFF (C-Loans.com Client Letter)
You are receiving this letter because you are a commercial real estate loan client of either Blackburne & Brown or C-Loans, Inc. Removal instructions are below. Today we'll discuss how to survive as a commercial mortgage broker in this very tight market.
Joke Du Jour
It's Tuesday. Three in the afternoon, Los Angeles. Two detectives pick up a con artist on a section 872, the old Fountain of Youth scam. The con artist is selling bottles filled with a liquid that he claims slows the aging process. The detective tells his partner, "Frank, check his record. My gut tells me that our boy has played this game before." Frank reports back. "You're right, he's got priors. He was busted for the same thing in 1815, 1887, 1921..."
Focus on the Deals That Will Feed Your Family
If the predictions in my early-2007 book,The Reverse Multiplier Effect - When Crushing Deflation Destroys America, are correct, we have already entered the Greater Depression. Commercial lenders are scared.
The only commercial deals that banks really want to make today are permanent loans on standing commercial properties.
You can submit your commercial permanent loans to hundreds of banks and hard money commercial lenders using C-Loans.com. And remember, C-Loans is free!
LaMaze Class Joke
The Lamaze class was in full swing. The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. "Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. "Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!" The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" asked the instructor. "While we walk, is it all right if she carries a golf bag?"
Only Work on Do-Able Commercial Deals
So don't waste time on large construction loans, large land loans on residential land, or international loans (they never close!). As a commissioned commercial mortgage broker, I would much rather have a $400,000 refi on an existing auto repair facility than some $17 million land loan on a failed residential subdivision that is probably upside down.
During an afternoon practice, a nine-year-old way out in left field failed to catch one ball after another. The coach, getting very impatient with him said, "Just stand over there and watch me." The assistant coach hit a ball in the coach's direction. The ball hit the ground in front of him. The second ball hit behind him. The third hit him on the shoulder. He looks over at the left fielder and yells, " See what you've done. You've got this position so messed up, no one can catch a ball here."
Perfect Deals for Blackburne & Brown
Be on the lookout for commercial deals where the business owner has a lot of equity in his commercial building but his company is losing money. Or perhaps the owner of a strip center has a balloon payment coming due, but his credit has deteriorated.
You can submit your slightly flawed commercial deals directly to me, George Blackburne, at Blackburne & Brown. Arguably we're the cheapest of the commercial hard money lenders.
Here is Blackburne & Brown's pricing matrix for commercial real estate loans. If you print it out right now, it may come in handy very soon.
A 55-year old man, who was born on May 5th, has been married 5 years, has 5 children, makes $55,555.55 a year, and whose lucky number is 5, receives a phone call from a friend. The friend informs the man that a horse named Lucky 5 will be running in the fifth race at the local track that evening. Excitedly, the man withdraws 5,555.55 cash from his bank account, goes to the races, and bets on Lucky 5. Sure enough, the horse comes in fifth.
Are You Reading My Blog?
Modern browsers allow you to have multiple home pages. One of your home pages should be my free blog, Commercial Real Estate Loan Tips. I try to write a new training article for commercial loan brokers every couple of days. I try to learn something new about the field of commercial real estate finance every day, and when I do, I often write about it. I recently posted a good article about the only commercial construction loans getting funded these days - the SBA 504 loan program.
New E-Mail Newsletter Service From C-Loans
"But George, I might as well work on this $22 million resort construction loan in Puerto Rico. I don't have anything else to work on."
No-no-no! Use every moment of your free time to build a mailing list, an email list or a fax list of referral sources. Then send out a newsletter every two weeks religiously. By sending a regular newsletter to several hundred referral sources every two weeks, you can build a steady supply of leads. You'll build a true practice, like an attorney or a CPA.
"But George, I can't write newsletters like you can." Then subscribe to our email newsletter service. For only $175 per month we will maintain your list. We blast it out. We even write the newsletter for you. Click here for details.
Work Excuses Joke
If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all of my guns today.
I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Okay?
Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, can I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
Recent Upgrade to Our Video Training Course
We have just finished adding a new Commercial Loan Packaging CD to our famous, nine-hour video training course, How to Broker Commercial Mortgage Loans. This new section in our training course even teaches you how to create a PDF of your commercial loan package, so you can quickly deliver your deal by e-mail.
Tom Cat Joke
A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night. The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred ... "I'd die for you!" The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, "How many times?"
You Need Loan Servicing Income
I've been telling you for years that you need loan servicing income to survive the tough recessions. If you had started funding your own hard money loans last year, you'd have $10,000 per month coming in, rain or shine.
The fastest and easiest way to build a loan servicing portfolio is to become a hard money lender. Our four-hour video course, How to Find Your Own Private Mortgage Investors, is just $499.
Q: What's red and bad for your teeth?
A: A brick.
Train Your Entire Staff in Commercial in One Day
You are paying a fortune to keep your doors open. You can't afford to throw away good commercial leads. For only $6,000 I will fly out to your office and train your entire staff in commercial mortgage marketing, underwriting, packaging, placement, and fee collection. Suddenly your income potential doubles with no increase in monthly overhead. I have already trained more than 50 companies. For details please call Alicia Gandy at 916-338-3232..
Bad cholesterol is the kind that clogs arteries, shoplifts lipstick and lies under oath.
Consult with George for Just $375/Hour
With just a 30 to 60 minute consultation I may be able to help you with your commercial mortgage marketing, your underwriting, your placement of a particular commercial deal, or your fee collection problems. Click here for details.
Circle Flies Joke
After pulling a farmer over for speeding, a state trooper started to lecture him about his speed, pompously implying that the farmer didn't know any better and trying to make him feel as uncomfortable as possible. He finally started writing out the ticket, but had to keep swatting at some flies buzzing around his head. The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there are ya?" The trooper paused to take another swat and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they are. I've never heard of circle flies." The farmer was pleased to enlighten the cop. "Circle flies are common on farms. They're called circle flies because you almost always find them circling the back end of a horse." The trooper continues writing for a moment, then says, "Hey, are you trying to call me a horse's behind?" "Oh no, officer." The farmer replies. "I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers for that." "That's a good thing," the officer says rudely, then goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer added, "Hard to fool them flies, though."
Need a Hard Money Commercial Real Estate Loan?
Click here to apply directly to me, George Blackburne, the owner. Blackburne & Brown is now making hard money commercial loans and land loans as low as 11.9% and zero points for 15 years.
The teacher was standing outside her room as the children entered one morning. Along came little Maury, deliberately winking his left eye. "Why, little Maury," smiled the teacher. "Are you winking at me?" "No ma'am, just got my turn signal on," little Maury replied, making a neat left turn into his room.
Got a Bankable Commercial Loan?
C-Loans.com is a commercial mortgage portal, where 750 different banks, conduits, REIT's and hard money lenders accept commercial loan applications from borrowers and mortgage brokers. The user just fills in a single mini-app, and the same mini-app is accepted by every lender.
You can sort through hundreds of commercial lenders in seconds, and C-Loans.com is free.
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and leading a bull in the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee." The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, grabs the bull, blasts it with the shotgun, then walks out. Four days later the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, and he is leading another bull in the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee." The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto, we're still cleaning up from the last time you were in here. What the heck was all that about, anyway?" The Indian says, "Me in training for Executive Management job. Drink coffee, shoot the bull, and disappear for a few days."
The Reverse Multiplier Effect
My book, The Reverse Multiplier Effect - When Crushing Deflation Destroys America, was published in 2007. This financial thriller made certain terrifying predictions about the future. Already half of the them have already come true. Readers have been writing and calling me, "Oh my goodness, George, your terrifying scenario is coming true!" Order now to learn a possible future. Your life savings could depend on it.
Gold Watch Joke
"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch." -- Woody Allen
Earn $5,000 Referral Fees in Your Sleep
Do you have a mortgage or real estate web page? Simply create a button or banner that says "Commercial Mortgages" and point it to our wonderful on-line commercial mortgage application system. You will earn 1/8th of a point on any loan that closes. Click here for details.
A Little Naughty ... But Hilarious
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...' 'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.' 'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?' 'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?' 'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.' 'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!' 'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.' 'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith. 'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.' 'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said. 'Oh, my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. 'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.' 'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith. 'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look' 'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. 'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.' Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?' 'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.' 'Tripod?' 'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted.