Mortgage Stuff C-Loans Client Letter
Volume 4, Issue 9

Newsletter Date:  September 3, 2004

MORTGAGE STUFF ( Client Letter)

Joke Du Jour

A tourist walks into a curio shop in Hong Kong .  Looking around at the exotica, he notices a small bronze statue of a rat.  It has no price tag, but it is so striking he decides he must have it.  He takes it to the owner and asks, "How much for the bronze rat statute?"

"Twelve dollars for the rat ... a hundred dollars for the story," says the inscrutable Chinese shop owner.

The tourist gives the man twelve dollars, stating, "I'll just take the rat ... you can keep the story."

As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, the man notices that a few real rats have crawled out of alleys and sewers and have begun swirling around his feet.  One even tries to gnaw on his ankle.  This is a bit disconcerting, so he begins to walk away faster, but the rats follow him.

Within a couple blocks, the group of rats behind him has grown to more than a hundred, and they begin squealing.  He starts to trot toward Kowloon Bay.  He takes a nervous look over his shoulder and sees that the rats now number in the thousands, maybe millions.  They are all squealing and racing towards him faster and faster.

Terrified, he runs towards a wharf on the edge of the Bay.  Seeing a lamp post overhanging the Bay, he leaps high into the air, wraps one arm around the lamp post, and throws the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he can.   To his relief, the millions of rats go teeming over the edge of the wharf like so many lemmings.  They quickly drown and rise to the top in a huge carpet of decaying rat flesh.

The man staggers back to the curio shop.  "Ahh...," says the Chinese shop owner, "I'll bet you have come back for the story?"

"No," said the man, "But do you have a little bronze statute of an attorney."


When to Use a Mezzanine Loan

Think of a mezzanine loan as a huge second mortgage that you can use behind an even more immense first mortgage on a commercial project (not homes!).

The typical mezzanine lender will not consider mezz loans below $5 million, although a handfull of mezz lenders will look at mezz deals as small as $3 million.  And this is just the size of the junior loan!  The first mortgage or construction loan should be in the neighborhood of $8 million or larger.

Remember, unless there is a first mortgage or a construction loan in the neighborhood of $8 million or higher, a mezzanine loan will not solve your problem.  But if you have a bonafide mezzanine loan request, you will love


Dead Turkey Joke

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.  She asked a butcher, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"  The butcher replied, "No, ma'am, they're dead."


Hard Money Loans Only 1.5 Points

Blackburne & Brown, the parent of C-Loans is making hard money commercial loans for only 1.5 points.  These are 15 year loans with no prepayment penalty.  We will fund almost kind of commercial property, including weird stuff like funeral homes, old folks homes, and nudie bars.  Email Mike Thurman or call him at 916-338-3232.

Defective Glasses Joke

A woman walks in a store to return a pair of eye glasses that she had purchased for her husband a week before.  "What seems to be the problem, madam?"   "I'm returning these glasses I bought for my husband.  He's still not seeing things my way."


Apply to 750 Commercial Lenders Using C-Loans

It takes just two minutes - two lousy minutes - to enter your commercial mortgage loan request into C-Loans.  The system instantly sorts through 750 direct commercial lenders to produce a huge list of interested lenders.  And C-Loans is free!  Submit a deal to C-Loans right now!


Final Funny

A man went to a therapist about an obsession that was ruining his life.  "It's baseball, Doc.  Baseball is destroying me.  I can't even get away from it in my sleep. As soon as I close my eyes, I'm out there chasing a fly ball or running around the bases.  When I wake up, I'm more tired than I was when I went to bed.  What am I going to do?"

The therapist told him, "First of all, you have to make a conscious effort not to dream about baseball.  For example , when you close your eyes, try to imagine yourself at a party at which someone is about to give you several million dollars."

The patient replied, "Are you crazy, Doc?  I'll miss my turn at bat."


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George Will Fly Out to Your Office and Train Your Whole Company in Commercial Mortgage Finance for Just $4,500.

Write to George Blackburne at


Can't Afford $4,500?  Get the Same Training on Video For Just $499.   Use the Videos to Train Future Loan Officers.

Call Alicia at (916) 338-3232 or email her at


Both Training Courses Include Over 60 Minutes on Fee Collection.  No One Has Collected From More Lying, Deadbeat Borrowers Than George.  You Can Order the Fee Agreement and Collection Training Separately for $199.

Call Alicia at (916) 338-3232 or email her at


Got a Mortgage Web Site?  Earn $5,000 Referral Fees in Your Sleep!

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E-mail or Call George Blackburne at 574-360-2486.

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E-mail or Call George Blackburne at 574-360-2486.

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E-mail or Call George Blackburne at 574-360-2486.





® is sponsored by C-Loans, Inc. — For more information, contact Alicia Gandy
4811 Chippendale Drive, Suite 101, Sacramento, CA 95841 telephone: (916) 338-3232 * Fax: (916) 338-2328
Real Estate Broker -- California Department of Real Estate -- License Number 01330173

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