COMMERCIAL REALTY AGENT LETTER
You are receiving this letter because you are a commercial broker client of either Blackburne & Sons or C-Loans, Inc. Removal instructions are below. Today we want to pay you some fast and HUGE referral fees, plus give you a direct line to the head of Blackburne & Sons' Loan Committee. Blackburne & Sons is a large and very old commercial private money lender.
Joke Du Jour
Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other, "Are you a little girl or a little boy?" "I don't know," replied the other baby giggling. "What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby. "I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply. "Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling. "I'll climb into your crib and find out." He carefully maneuvered himself into the other baby's crib, then quickly disappeared beneath the blankets. After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big grin on his face. "You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy," he said proudly. "You're ever so clever," cooed the baby girl, "but how can you tell?" "It's quite easy really," replied the baby boy, "you've got pink booties, and I've got blue ones!"
Fast Referral Fees Now and HUGE Ones Later
C-Loans, Inc. will pay you $2.50 apiece, right now, for each qualified commercial mortgage lead you send us. The loan request must be for a bona fide first mortgage loan on a standing commercial property. Sorry, but almost no one is closing land loans or construction loans these days. The commercial loan request must be on an existing commercial building.
We'll keep a record of your referrals, and once you've reached $25 (ten referrals), we'll beam you an electronic gift card to Wal-Mart. If you are alert to collecting commercial mortgage leads, you ought to be able to send us ten referrals every week. And this is just the appetizer.
Now for the main course: If any of your referrals results in a closing, we will also pay you 20% of the fee earned by either C-Loans, Inc. or Blackburne & Sons! We once paid a referral fee of $21,250.
"But George, are referral fees legal?" They are not legal on home loans, but they are absolutely legal on commercial loans. I am an attorney, and Blackburne & Sons has been paying referral fees for 30 years.
Got a commercial mortgage referral? Please call Misty Switzer at 574-936-6387 or email her at email@example.com.
Happiest Day of Her Life Joke
It was the happiest day of my life. Arrived at the church. Husband waiting at the altar. Walked up the aisle, kissed him on the cheek, smiled... and closed the coffin lid.
Direct Line to George Blackburne III (the Old Man)
This is George, and I am in the mood to negotiate some commercial loans personally. If you need a private money commercial mortgage loan of less than $1.5 million on a standing commercial property (no construction loans please), you are invited to call me on my cell phone at 574-360-2486 or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
By the way, did you notice I used the "III"? That's because my oldest son, George IV, recently graduated from Ohio State and has joined the firm. Tommy graduates from Purdue next quarter and will soon join Blackburne & Sons as well.
A family was having dinner on Mother's Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong. "Nothing," said the woman. Not buying it, he asked again. "Seriously, what's wrong?" "Do you really want to know? Well, I'll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for 15 years and on Mother's Day, you don't even tell me so much as "Thank you." "Why should I?" he said. "Not once in 15 years have I gotten a Father's Day gift." "Yes," she said, "but I'm their real mother."
Commercial Loans to Companies Losing Money
This month Blackburne & Sons is making a $400,000 commercial mortgage loan to a company that lost $3 million last year.
In a small Southern town there was a nativity scene that indicated great skill and talent in its creation. One small feature bothered me though. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.
She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a particular passage. Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar.'"
Making a Lot of Cropland Loans
Our investment division is very bullish on farm land. In fact, we have syndicated nine groups of private investors to buy farm land over the last three years. It should therefore not surprise you that our hard money division loves to make loans on cropland.
Best Movie of All Time?
Over the holidays the Blackburne's went to see the movie, Avatar, in 3D. If you have not already seen it, you are in for a real treat. The movie has grossed more than $1.8 billion worldwide so far.
Dry Cleaning Joke
"Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy five cents." -- William Coronel
We're Buying Discounted Notes
Blackburne & Sons is regularly buying small commercial first mortgage notes at a discount. If you're handy with a calculator, start by finding the present value of the note for a desired yield of 12%. We'll pay 97% of that present value (the 3% difference is our 3 point loan fee), less about $1,500 for expenses.
Got a commercial first mortgage note that a bank or some private note holder wants to sell? Please call me, George Blackburne III, at 574-360-2486 or email me at email@example.com.
"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." -- George Gobel
Hungry for Hypothecation Loans
Let's suppose an investor owns a big apartment complex free and clear. When he sells it, he carries back a $1 million first mortgage. Later he meets Lola La Boom-Boom in Las Vegas and suddenly needs $600,000 for diamonds and a world cruise.
Blackburne & Sons will make a $600,000 hypothecation loan secured by the $1 million first mortgage.
Got a commercial first mortgage note that your borrower is willing to pledge as collateral? Please call me, George Blackburne III, at 574-360-2486 or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Tiger Woods Joke
"Sources say Tiger has confessed all of his affairs to his wife, who has agreed to stay with him if he takes some time off from golf. Tiger said, 'That's OK - golf was starting to cut into my time with the ladies.'" -- Conan O'Brien
Got an "A" Quality Commercial Loan?
There are over 8,000 banks in America, but only a tenth of them are still actively making commercial loans. Often they are the smaller, obscure banks who were not hurt in the subprime meltdown. You can submit your commercial loan to hundreds of such banks using C-Loans.com. C-Loans.com is the most popular commercial mortgage portal on the internet, and its free!
Disney World Joke
"A woman is suing Disney World, claiming one of their rides caused her to have a stroke. Disney denies the allegation but will temporarily shut down the ride, Stroke Mountain." -- Jimmy Fallon
Learn to Broker Commercial Mortgage Loans
You're paying a fortune to keep your commercial brokerage office open. Maybe you should broker some commercial loans on the side? You can learn commercial mortgage finance in just day using our famous 9-hour video training course, How to Broker Commercial Mortgage Loans. The cost is still only $499. Call Alicia Gandy at 916-338-3232 or order online using the above link.
"Earlier today in Los Angeles, armed robbers held up a medical marijuana clinic. Police can't identify the robbers because all the eyewitnesses say they have glaucoma." -- Conan O'Brien
You Need Loan Servicing Income
The money in the mortgage business is in loan servicing; and the fastest and easiest way to build a loan servicing portfolio is to become a hard money lender. Our four-hour video course, How to Find Your Own Private Mortgage Investors, is just $499.
"Supermodel Heidi Klum has officially changed her last name to her husband Seal's last name. From now on she'll be known as Heidi." -- Jimmy Fallon
Train Your Entire Staff in Commercial in One Day
For only $5,000 I will fly out to your office and train your entire staff in commercial mortgage marketing, underwriting, packaging, placement, and fee collection. Suddenly your income potential doubles with no increase in monthly overhead. I have already trained more than 50 companies. For details please call Alicia Gandy at 916-338-3232..
Finally a Decent George Clooney Movie
My wife and I also saw the movie, Up in the Air, over the holidays, and it was an excellent flick. Experts say the Best Picture Oscar will go to either Avatar or Up in the Air.
Earn $5,000 Referral Fees in Your Sleep
By simply placing a "Commercial Mortgages" link on your web site and pointing it to C-Loans.com, you can earn huge referral fees. Click here for more details.
"The noblest of all dogs is the hot-dog; it feeds the hand that bites it. -- Laurence Peter
Also Loved "The Blind Side"
This is the movie about the 280-pound orphan boy adopted by a woman played by Sandra Bullock. She should definitely get an Oscar nomination. Sandra Bulloch was an absolute delight.
Expert Witness Services
George Blackburne III is available to serve as an expert witness in connection with cases involving commercial real estate financing.
"This is little strange. A couple in England named their new daughter, Kia, because she was delivered in the back seat of a Kia. No one was happier than her older brother, Hospital Bed." -- Jimmy Fallon
Blackburne & Sons Can Raise Equity
Suppose a borrower has an $850,000 balloon payment, but the bank will only refinance $700,000? Where is he going to get the $150,000 difference? Answer: Blackburne & Sons. We'll bring in fresh "partners" to pay down the debt in exchange for a piece of the ownership.
Got an equity deal? Please call me, George Blackburne, personally, at 574-360-2486 or email me at email@example.com.
A little three-year-old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up. The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book; but about every 10 seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto to the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand. His mother says, "Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while.” Billy says, "I'm fine, mommy. I just haven't gone 'doody' yet." His mother says, "Okay, you can stay here a few more minutes; but Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?" Billy replies, "Works for ketchup!"