C-LOANS BANKER LETTER
This letter is intended only for commercial mortgage loan officers working for banks and hard money lenders. Today we'll talk about why commercial foreclosures frequently sell at such large losses for the bank. And, of course, because this is C-Loans (the jokesters), we have lots of cute, clean jokes, funny pics, and a hilarious video for you. Removal instructions can be found below.
Joke Du Jour
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities... He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation - "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted. "An ambulance just drove by! Looks like the Andersons have company. Matt's riding a new bike! Looks like the Sanders are moving! Jason is on his skate board!" After a few moments he announced, "The Coopers are making love." Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they're making love?" "Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."
If a Popsicle Doesn't Work, There Are Always ...
Would You Please Refer Your Commercial Loan Turndowns to C-Loans.com?
If you have to turn down a commercial real estate loan this week, would you kindly refer the borrower (or broker) to C-Loans.com? If none of our 750 different commercial lenders can help him, the deal probably isn't do-able. Thanks so much!
Two stockbrokers went to lunch. The one said to the other, "Let's relax while we eat and talk about something other than the market for once." "Good idea. Let's talk about women." "Okay... common or preferred?"
Why Commercial Foreclosures Sell At Such Huge Discounts
I have been in the hard money commercial mortgage business for over 34 years now, and I cannot remember EVER selling a commercial foreclosure at a profit. Blackburne & Sons has lost money on almost every commercial property upon we which we have foreclosed.
Why do commercial foreclosures ("REO's") sell at such large discounts? I believe its because there is a Federal banking regulation that financially punishes commercial banks for keeping REO's on their books for longer than a few months. As a result, commercial banks are always in a huge hurry to sell off their REO's. Because commercial banks are so anxious to get their REO's off the books, they often sell them for a small fraction of their true value.
Unfortunately for lenders, most commercial real estate investors know this. The moment commercial real estate investors learn that a listed commercial property is an REO, they immediately reduce their potential offers by 40%. "After all, everyone knows that the bank has to dump the property for a song in order to quickly get it off the books." The bottom line is that everyone wants a deal when they buy a commercial foreclosure.
At Blackburne & Sons, we understand this. If your bank is selling a commercial foreclosure, we often require a smaller down payment from your REO buyer because we know that a certain amount of value is already built into the deal. We'll even lend your REO buyer some extra dough to fix up the property.
Does your REO buyer need a commercial loan? Simply have him complete this super-easy mini-app.
A young missionary on his first trip to Africa is away from camp having devotions in a quiet clearing, as was his custom. This one particular day, while reading his Bible, a lion comes and lays down right beside him; so close that the hot warm smell of his breath is wafting over him. He is, as you would suppose, exceedingly uneasy. He closes his eyes, praying... but when he opens them he sees another approach from the brush, which proceeds to lie down on the other side of him. Convinced as he is that this is a test of his faith, he determines to return to his Bible reading. As soon as he does so, the two lions pounce upon and devour him. Moral of the story: Don't read between the lions.
Okay, So I'm a Screamer...
How To Close Investor Commercial Loans When Your Loan Committee Won't Exceed 62% LTV
Suppose one of your better bank customers wants to buy a commercial building, not for his company, but rather just for investment. The deal cash flows perfectly at 75% LTV, but your nervous Loan Committee cuts the deal back to just 62% LTV. "Gosh, I have been a good bank customer for decades. I thought my own bank would take better care of me."
The sister company of C-Loans, Blackburne & Sons, raises small balance JV equity for such deals, and we'll raise as little as $100,000. We'll add our equity to your customer's down payment to create a down payment large enough to satisfy your Loan Committee.
Got a potential deal? Please complete this simple preferred equity application or call Angela Vannucci at 916-338-3232.
Last Man Joke
"I wouldn't mind being the last man on Earth, just to see if all of those girls were telling me the truth." -- Ronnie Shakes
Referring Your Turndowns to C-Loans.com Gives Your Customers a Good Place to Look
If you have to turn down a bank customer's request for a commercial loan, it will help him if you could suggest a place for him to look elsewhere. With 750 different commercial real estate lenders participating on C-Loans.com, if your customer can't qualify for a commercial mortgage from us, he probably won't qualify anywhere. Thank you so much!
Rollin', Rollin', Rollin', Keep Them Doggies Rollin'
Theme Song to Rawhide
We've Made It Easy to Join C-Loans
It's very possible that your boss may soon come to you and say, "The Board is feeling a little more confident about the future. We'd like you to make a few more commercial loans." When this happens, please remember that C-Loans can quickly deliver attractive commercial loan applications directly to your inbox.
C-Loans has designed a super-easy form to join C-Loans as a lender.
This was performed one time only on the Johnny Carson Show in 1990's. It was a good thing they taped it because it was never done again. Steve Martin, as The Great Flydini, and he doesn't say a word.
What is C-Loans 2.0?
Let's suppose you've heard about all of the hundreds and hundreds of commercial real estate loans being closed by C-Loans.com, and you want your bank to join. Unfortunately your boss is adamant, "We will not pay a fee to C-Loans!"
Now its no longer a problem. C-Loans, Inc. is pleased to announce C-Loans 2.0, a new program where we collect our own 37.5 bps. software licensing fee directly from the borrower. Here are the details on the brand, new C-Loans 2.0.
To join C-Loans.com and to receive custom-fitted commercial real estate loan applications from high-net-worth individuals located close to your branch, please call Mick Carlson at 574-855-6292.
One Sunday in a Midwest city a young child was acting up during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew, but they were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked up the little fellow and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"
Would You Mind a $21,250 Referral Fee?
We once paid a $21,250 referral fee to a website owner named Alan Dunn of Spydercube.com for referring us a $17 million deal. Not long ago we paid our friends at RealWebFunds.com an $11,000 referral fee.
We've made it super-easy to refer us commercial loans and to receive big referral fees. Please click here for details.
Before going on vacation, I went to a tanning salon. I was under the lights a bit long and the protective shades I wore left a big white circle around each eye. Gazing at myself in the mirror the next day, I thought, "Man, I look like a clown." I had almost convinced myself that I was overreacting until I got in line at the grocery store. I felt a tug at my shirt and looked down to see a toddler staring up at me. He asked, "Are you giving out balloons?"
One Final Pathetic Plea
If you won't let us pay you a referral fee, won't you please-please refer your commercial mortgage turndowns to C-Loans.com? Thanks!
Final Funny (Long But Very Funny)
An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for a checkup, and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?" The old timer said, "I'm a golfer, and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways." The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my father's dead?" The doctor said, "You mean you're 80-years-old and your father is still alive? How old is he?" The old timer said, "He's 100-years-old and, in fact, he golfed with me this morning. That's why he's still alive, he's a golfer." The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your grandfather? How old was he when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?" The doctor said, "You mean you're 80-years-old and your grandfather's still living?! How old is he?" The old timer said, "He's 118-years-old." The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?" The old timer said, "No...Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married." The doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?" The old timer shot back, "Who said he wanted to?"