MORTGAGE
STUFF (C-Loans.com Client Letter) Joke
Du Jour
A
tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at
night. The tom
leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred
... "I'll die for you!"
The tabby
gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, "How
many times?"
Get
85% LTV Conventional Financing on
Standard Commercial Properties
Suppose
one of your commercial mortgage borrowers is buying a commercial
property and wants to put down as little as possible.
Or maybe your borrower is buying out a partner and a loan
of only 80% loan-to-value just won't work. You can
now deliver lenders who will stretch to 85% loan-to-value!
How
can these lenders do this? Your lender will make a
CMBS loan of 80% LTV. Then a mezzanine loan partner
will make a mezzanine loan to take the debt stack up to
85% loan-to-value. The permanent lender handles everything,
so it's seamless to you.
These
deals can only be done on CMBS quality properties where
the loan amount exceeds $3,250,000. CMBS lenders make
long term, fixed rate loans that are securitized.
CMBS stands for Commercial Mortgage Backed Securities.
Only
certain properties qualify for CMBS financing. Acceptable
properties include apartments, mixed use (apartments over
retail), office buildings, retail properties, retail centers,
and industrial buildings. Mobile home parks and self
storage projects are sometimes acceptable.
Once
again the total loan request must total $3,250,000 and the
loan-to-value ratio must be 85% LTV or less. Only
CMBS quality properties will qualify. To apply for
one of these high LTV loans, please click
here.
Circle
Flies Joke
After
pulling a farmer over for speeding, a state trooper started
to lecture him about his speed, pompously implying that
the farmer didn't know any better and trying to make him
feel as uncomfortable as possible. He finally started
writing out the ticket, but had to keep swatting at some
flies buzzing around his head.
The
farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there
are ya?"
The
trooper paused to take another swat and said, "Well, yes,
if that's what they are. I've never heard of circle
flies."
The
farmer was pleased to enlighten the cop. "Circle flies are
common on farms. They're called circle flies because
you almost always find them circling the back end of a horse."
The
trooper continues writing for a moment, then says, "Hey,
are you trying to call me a horse's behind?"
"Oh
no, officer." The farmer replies. "I have too much respect
for law enforcement and police officers for that."
"That's
a good thing," the officer says rudely, then goes back to
writing the ticket.
After
a long pause, the farmer added, "Hard to fool them flies,
though."
Hard
Money Loans Only 1.5 Points
Blackburne
& Brown, the sister company of C-Loans, is making hard
money commercial loans for only 1.5 points. These
are 15 year loans with no prepayment penalty. We will
fund almost kind of commercial property, including weird
stuff like funeral homes, old folks homes, and nudie bars.
Our
loans have no prepayment penalty. That's a biggie.
No prepayment penalty. Got a deal? Email
Mike Thurman
or call him at 916-338-3232.
Heart
Transplant Joke
Dear
Abby: I think
I need to see a specialist, but my doctor
insists
he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner
really perform a heart transplant right in his
office?
A.
Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking
is the $20 co-payment,
there's no harm in giving him a
shot at it.
Apply
to 750 Commercial Lenders Using C-Loans
It
takes just two minutes - two lousy minutes - to enter your
commercial mortgage loan request into C-Loans. The
system instantly sorts through 750 direct commercial lenders
to produce a huge list of interested lenders. And
C-Loans is free! Submit a deal
to C-Loans right now!
Final
Funny
A
guy walks into the local
welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and
says, "Hi! You know, I just HATE drawing welfare.
I'd really rather have a job."
The
social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent.
We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old
man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his (promiscuous)
daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes,
but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the
long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be
expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips.
You'll
have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage.
The starting salary is $200,000 a year."
The
guy says, "You're (joshing) me!"
The
social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."
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