C-LOANS
LENDER LETTER Joke Du Jour
"In high school, I was the class comedian, as opposed to the class clown. The difference is, the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game. The class comedian is the guy who talked him into it." -- Billy Crystal
Prudential Unit Closes $17MM C-Loans Deal
A fund managed by Black Mountain Capital and funded by Prudential Financial just closed a $17 million bridge loan on a parcel of land in Palm Springs for C-Loans. Hot diggity dog. That was a nice one! :-)
Butcher Joke
The butcher's boy had been unfairly dismissed, so he vowed to have his revenge that very next Saturday. Early in the morning, when the shop was packed with people buying meat for the weekend, the boy marched in, elbowed his way to the counter and slapped down one very dead rat. "There you are, boss!" he called out cheerily. "That makes one dozen even."
The Latest C-Loans Rankings
The race to be the number one C-Loans lender continues, and we've had a lead change. Here are the latest standings:
- Integrity Financial - Robert Velin - 35 closings
- TCRM - Les Agisim - 33 closings
- Metwest Commercial Lenders - Rick Gnafakis - 24
- Wells Fargo Bank - Bobbi Butler - 21
- Mission Oaks National Bank - Cameron Butler - 20
- National Apartment Finance - Randall Beach/Joe Mardesich - 20
- PMB Capital - Paul Elis - 19
- Benchmark Financial - David Smyle - 16
- Commercial Direct - 15
- Fedfirst Commercial Capital - Paul Szkotak - 15
- Convex Capital - Peter Hayden - 9
- Fairway Independent Mortgage - Candy George - 8
- Union Bank of CA - Robert Rice -8
- RC Temme - Larry Falk - 8
- Republic Bank - Michael Luther - 8
- First Centennial Bank - Daniel Reichel - 7
- Lehman Brothers - Anthony Christopher - 7
- Placer Sierra Bank - Cherian Arratuculum - 7
- Capital Finance - Mike Sanders - 7
- Security National Capital - Michael Southard - 6
- Gourley & Gourley - Wes Ady - 6
- Comerica Bank - Justin Harris - 6
Five closings is the magic number. Once you have closed five loans for C-Loans, we will probably let you join C-Loans as a "lender", even if you get laid off by the bank.
Sign on a Plastic Surgeon's Door
Hello. Can We Pick Your Nose?
C-Loans Has Now Closed 736 Commercial Loans
Clearly C-Loans applications have merit. If you get laid off when your bank stops making commercial mortgage loans this winter, you are going to kick yourself for not diligently working your C-Loans applications. Protect your own personal, economic future by closing at least five commercial loans for C-Loans. One may be the loneliest number, but five closings means you'll have income to pay your bills through the coming recession. I remember going five months in 1981 without closing a single deal. It wasn't fun.
Sign on a Septic Tank Service Truck
We're Number One in Number Two
Sending EasyReply Emails Does NOT Work
We never should have installed the EasyReply System. If you send a loan offer to a C-Loans borrower using the EasyReply System, the borrower will seldom see it. Email filters eat 75% of our EasyReply responses. So if you see a hot deal, you need to please pick up the phone and call.
Sign on a Maternity Room Door
Push - Push - Push
Still Call the Dreamers
Let's suppose you get a $2 million loan request from a borrower who wants to refinance his office building. He asks for a 4% interest rate and 90% LTV. Do you still call him? Absolutely. Don't worry about some mysterious bank from back east having 4% money. Just like the unicorn, there is no such animal. Most banks in America charge about the same interest rate and will lend about the same amount of money. The banker who will get this deal is the one who will call and educate the dreamer.
Parking Ticket Joke
I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out there was a darn motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!! So I called him a son of a mutant pig. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!! This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't give a hoot. My car was parked around the corner.
Why Aren't You Buying Leads?
I feel like I am in an episode of the Twilight Zone. Crowds of people are walking right past piles of solid gold coins laying right in the street. Hellooo? Is there intelligent life in this dimension?
Folks, you can buy perfect - absolutely perfect - loan applications for a lousy $3 apiece. Three bucks! You'll drink $20 in beer this Friday night alone cheering on your favorite football team. And we are going to keep our lead prices absurdly low until enough lenders start complaining that all of our leads are sold out.
Is the problem that you don't know how to search your Lender Vault? If so, one of our lovely (and very competent) marketing gals will be happy to teach you how to use your vault. For help simply click here and insert the word Tutorial in the subject line.
Sign on a Proctologist's Office Door
For Expedited Service, Please Back In.
Can't Afford a Lousy $3 For a Perfect Lead?
Every day you probably tell some creditworthy borrower that you can't do his deal because it's too big, too small, or too far away. If you input that borrower's email address into the C-Loans Referral Page, we'll give you $20 in lead-purchasing credits. Then you can buy six perfect deals.
Sign on a Plumber's Truck
Don’t Sleep With a Drip. Call a Plumber.
We Are Selling the Leads You Guys Leave Behind
Many of our bankers are hungry salesman, but unfortunately more than a few of them are a bit sleepy. To make sure the loan app's get worked by somebody, C-Loans has begun to sell its older loan app's to carefully screened brokers.
These brokers are making a killing. They are closing deals left and right. Now these brokers are getting stale leads, and they have to add their one or two points on top of the fee charged by the lender, yet they are still closing deals like crazy.
You get these leads while they are still piping hot, and since you're a bank, you can quote 1 point deals with no broker fees. If you are not closing C-Loans deals like crazy, you are probably doing something wrong - like only using email or waiting more than an hour before calling your leads.
80-Year Old Father Joke
An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 80-year-old said "Things are great, and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?" The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was setting off hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so couldn't shoot the creature, but out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle, and went 'BANG,BANG!'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor. The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver." The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
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