C-LOANS
LENDER LETTER Joke
Du Jour
A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
The Leads Are Still "Free"
They had to take the razor away from me because I kept trying to slash my wrists. (Fortunately it was an electric razor.) I am sooo frustrated that our programmers have not yet finished our billing software.
Therefore you can continue to go into your Lender Vault and search for loan leads without paying any upfront fees for the leads. Folks, you should feel like kid who comes downstairs on Boxing Day (December 26th) and finds another whole set of presents under the aging Christmas tree.
How long will this situation last? I dunno. But until you hear differently, feel free to keep searching for perfect loan leads with no up-front fee obligation until we notify you differently.
Please remember, however, that you will still owe your normal software licensing fee if you close a deal.
Simply click here to access your Lender Vault.
Valley Girl Joke
Q: What do you call a valley-girl with one leg longer than the other?
A: Like, not even.
Adjustment to Your Lender Score
If your loan volume has fallen recently, it may be because your lender score has been adjusted downwards. The lender scores of those lenders who have never even logged into their Lender Vault once have been adjusted downwards by ten points. It is therefore important for you to log into your Lender Vault and at least see what all the fuss is about.
Once you are in your vault, we encourage you to Search for Leads that would be perfect for your bank.
Please remember that the typical lender only receives organically about one out of every seven commercial deals that are perfect for his bank.
Simply click here to access your Lender Vault.
Lawyer Joke
By now everybody knows that Dick Cheney accidentally shot and wounded a hunting companion with a load of birdshot while on a quail-hunting trip in Texas. And this has brought Americans together like never before. Red states and blue states alike, we're all thinking the same thing: "Dick, that was a lawyer. Why didn't you fire the second barrel?"
Loan Volume is Slowing
Commercial mortgage loan demand appears to be cooling off a little. Our loan applications and closings are down about 30% from last year. So if you get a sweet deal, be sure to work it immediately. Commercial deals are getting harder to find.
Beauty Shop Joke
My wife seems to be losing her sense of humor for no apparent reason. Why just the other day, she got mad when she announced that she was going to the beauty parlor. I asked, "Are you going in for an estimate or are you going to get the work done?"
Tattle Reports
When a borrower or broker reports the closing of a loan by email, we call this a Tattle Report.
Generally, if you close a loan, you really-really want to be sure that you have notified C-Loans of the closing before a Tattle Report is received by C-Loans.
Let's face it. Some loan officers are going to give in to the temptation to "forget" to tell C-Loans about a closing. Obviously if a loan officer gets caught "forgetting", it is a very hard transgression for C-Loans to forgive. Sorry if this sounds a little grumpy, but we caught two different lenders "forgetting" this month.
Deaf Mute Joke
A guy about to tee off was approached by a man who held out a card that read, "I am a deaf mute. May I please play through?"
The first man gave the card back, angrily shaking his head, and saying, "No, you CANNOT play through." He assumed the guy read lips so he mouthed, "I can't believe you would try to use your handicap to your own advantage like that! Shame on you!"
The deaf man walked away, and the first man whacked the ball onto the green and then walked off to finish the hole. Just as he was about to put the ball into the hole he was hit in the head with a golf ball that knocked him out cold.
When he came to a few minutes later, he looked around and saw the deaf mute sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the other hand holding up four fingers.
The Next Big Thing
Let me define the problem. A rookie residential mortgage broker stumbles across a gorgeous $10 million construction loan. He tries to enter the deal into C-Loans, but he makes a mess of it.
You're a busy loan officer with a $200 million annual quota. You suspect there may be a deal here, but from the loan application, you can't tell if the developer has enough skin in the game. The mortgage broker can't even spell. What do you do? How do you get the broker out of the way? How do you convince the broker to accept a reasonable fee? These are the problems.
So what is the solution? I dunno yet... but we're working on it. Maybe we could arrange a quick conference call with the developer so you can quickly see if there really is a deal. Maybe C-Loans could help the mortgage brokers with the forms ... but only after you have expressed some moderate interest. If you have some suggestions, please write to me, George Blackburne, at george@blackburne.com.
College Grades Joke
There was a young college girl that was about to finish her senior year of college. She considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat and was always at odds with her conservative Republican father. One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to a large benevolent government, and tax equalization, etc.
He stopped her and asked her how she was doing in school. She answered that she had a 4.0 GPA, but it was really tough. She had to study all the time, never had time to go out and party and often went sleepless because all of the studying. She didn't have time for a boyfriend and didn't really have many college friends because of all her studying.
He then asked how her friend, Mary, who was attending the same college, was doing. She replied that Mary was barely getting by. She had a 2.0 GPA, never studied, was very popular on campus and was at parties all the time. She often wouldn't show up for classes because she was hung over.
He then asked his daughter why she didn't go to the Dean's office and ask why she couldn't take 1.0 off her 4.0 and give it to her friend that only had a 2.0. That way they would both have a 3.0 GPA.
She fired back and said, "That wouldn't be fair, I worked really hard for mine and Mary has done nothing!" After a moment of silence, she replied, "Dad, quit trying to change the subject."
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