C-LOANS
LENDER LETTER Joke
Du Jour
"Do you know what week this is in our public schools? I'm not making this up: this week is "National No Name Calling Week". They don't want any name calling in public schools. What stupid dork came up with this idea?" -- Jay Leno
Have You Downloaded Your $4,000 Worth of "Free" Loan App's Yet?
Sometime in the next few days our programmers are finally going to finish our lead billing software. When that occurs, leads found on the C-Loans MLS will be priced at $1 to $30 apiece upfront.
But the software is still not completed, so the "free" period is being extended yet again. Please note that while these leads are "free" of any $1 to $30 up-front fees, your bank will still owe your normal software licensing fee (37.5 to 50 bps) if a deal closes.
The C-Loans MLS will revolutionize commercial mortgage origination in the same way that the MLS revolutionized the sale of real property.
In the future, when a bank wants to make a commercial loan, the bank no longer has to wait for applications. The bank will no longer have to "make do" with the selection of possible loans in its pipeline.
Instead the bank can come to C-Loans and custom-select the exact kind of loans that it wants to make. Loan officers will no longer have to await by the phone or call on realtors. You just go out and buy the exact loans requested by your Loan Commitee.
It will take you just five minutes to perform a trial search for a commercial loan using the new C-Loans MLS. That five-minute investment will change your entire career.
To search and find a whole pile of absolutely perfect deals for your bank, just go to your Lender Vault and type in your email address and a new password. The first time you use the vault you will be asked to click on a link to send yourself an email. When you receive the email, you merely click on the link in the body of the email to confirm your legitimacy. Then you can come back to the Lender Vault, log back in with your password, and begin to Search for Leads.
Faces Joke
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Mrs. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that." Bobby looked up and replied, "I'm sorry, Mrs. Smith, but you can't say you weren't warned."
Feel Free to Download $4,000 Worth of Leads
During this "Under Construction" period, feel free to download up to $4,000 worth of "free" leads. We will inform you prominently and repeatedly when the "free" period ends, so keep hunting until we say stop. You will not be charged any up-front fees during this period. To start downloading "free" leads, just go to your Lender Vault.
Physical Joke
A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basics. "How much do you weigh?" she asks. "115," the woman replies. The nurse puts her on the scale. It turns out her weight is 140. The nurse asks, "Your height?" "5 foot 8," the woman replies. The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5". She then takes her blood pressure and tells the woman it is very high. "Of course it's high!" the woman screams. "When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!"
C-Loans Rewards Honest Loan Officers
The other day one of our former bank loan officers who had closed about eight deals for us informed C-Loans that he was leaving the bank. He was opening up his own commercial mortgage brokerage shop, and he asked if his new mortgage company could be listed on C-Loans.
C-Loans gets asked five times a day by mortgage brokers to be listed on C-Loans, but the answer is always the same, "Sorry, but no. Lenders only." But we let this guy join. He could obviously sell, he was meticulously honest, and we appreciated his service to us when he worked for this big bank.
You too may someday leave the bank and want to open your own shop. If you have closed a ton of loans for us ...
Skydiving Joke
A blind man was describing his favorite sport of skydiving. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that everything was done for him. "I am placed in the door and told when to jump," he said. "My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered. "But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was asked. He quickly answered, "Oh, my dog's leash goes slack."
Our Thanks to Integrity Financial
Integrity Financial sent us a big check yesterday to cover four different closings to four different borrowers that occured almost back-to-back. Folks, this internet thing is here to stay, and on-line commercial mortgage origination is on its way to the moon!
Pigeon Joke
Q: Did you hear about the scientist who crossed a carrier pigeon with a woodpecker?
A: He got a bird that not only delivers messages, but also knocks on the door when it gets there.
Duplicate Leads
The new C-Loans System will not let you buy a lead that you have already received, so there will be no duplication. Don't forget. Most lenders only receive about one-seventh of the commercial loan leads suitable for their profile, so when you go onto the C-Loans MLS, you will find a ton of deals you have never seen. To start downloading "free" leads, just go to your Lender Vault.
Tarzan Joke
Tarzan and Jane were expecting their fourth child and were pretty strapped for cash, so Tarzan decided to go into the used-crocodile business. Monday morning he got up early, shaved, put on his best loin cloth, swung down to the river, and spent the whole day fighting, haggling over and hassling with cranky crocs. As dusk fell, an exhausted Tarzan swung back to the treehouse and demanded, "Quick, Jane, a martini!" Tossing it back he barked, "Another, Jane, on the double!" Gulping it down, he held out his glass again. "One more, Jane." "Aw, honey, don't you think you're overdoing it a bit?" she chided gently. "You don't understand, Jane... it's a jungle out there."
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